Birthday Girl

Cassie is 8, today we celebrated with our dear friends and good food and fun.

Blowing out the #8.

Playing with new squishy play doh.

Cassie and daddy having fun with play doh.

Wow 3 kids have hit the 8 year mark, 8 year old girls are definitely different than 8 year old boys :)

We all had a great day together.

Halloween

Jared didn't want to kill his pumpkin so he painted it.

Ahh, pumpkin guts.

The 3 jacks.

All 6 of my kids ready to trick or treat.

Afterwards, checking out the candy.

And eating it... They ate it all night long...

Here's a little tidbit, this is the first time my kids have trick or treated, yes Kieran is 12. How does this happen you ask???

Well actually it's all my fault:) Halloween does nothing for me and I never made a big deal out of it. When we lived in the country nobody was around so it made it pretty easy to ignore. Last year we went to the harvest carnival and they had a great time but we didn't trick or treat or hand out candy, we just left the house for awhile.

This year they asked to go and at first I told them I didn't want to but Jason set me straight... it's not about me, no really, LOL!

So we just went down our road and up another and came back, they got a bunch of candy and had fun. We then came home and handed out the candy I bought until it was gone. So it looks like we will be doing Halloween from now on :)

Harvest Carnival

Little Obi Wan and his ghost.

I know this is blurry.

This one is bright.

This one is pretty good.

My little munchkins.

Here are a few pictures from the party, the kids had fun playing games and jumping and sliding in those big astro jump things. They dressed up and got candy from playing games, we also went on a little hay ride.

I froze my ass off, I carried everyones stuff and my feet were numb, but hey the kids had fun :)

Finding the time

I know we are all busy living and learning, I'm finding it hard to get my reading done for my class.

I have started my 2nd homeopathy course and I am a week behind... Every time I sit down to read someone needs something. Jason reminds me that I did it before and kept up with the lessons, I just don't seem to have a grip on it yet. You wonder why I'm blogging, I just typed up a lesson and sent it in so that is why I'm here now :)

I really want to learn how to treat my family and friends and it is a lot of information to absorb.
If I decide to pursue homeopathy further it would take years of studying before I could treat others, kind of like med school but with real healing :)

Right now I just want to be a home practitioner with the basic knowledge of first aid and acute illness. Even to do that you need to study the history and philosophy of homeopathy and grasp it at it's core.

So I am just having a hard time fitting it in to my life at this moment. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately... My kids need so much of my time and the house is... well... a mess in my opinion but nobody else seems to think so.

Today Kieran and I argued briefly over who would vacuum, he won, LOL! I actually took a picture but I'm not near the camera at this moment.
I needed the attachments to do the wood flooring and we found 2 but I need all 3 so I don't have to bend over. He said he can do it on 2 and didn't want to search for it in Cassie's room. Her room looks like an explosion so Jason said he didn't blame him, LOL! So instead of looking for the part he just vacummed himself :)

Yep we are nuts around here :)

He also helped to clean up the toys in the front yard so I gave him a few bucks.
We don't have chores or anything tied to money but I'll pay the kids if they help out extra, Kieran felt upset because Brennan didn't help, so I paid him and he was fine.

Brownies

Cassie has been in Brownies for the first time this year. Last night they had their first slumber party. I did not attend because... well... Jared has attachment issues and I really don't like that kind of thing :)

My dear friend R was such a trooper and she took the girls, although she said to remind her not to do it next time, LOL!

Cassie and her daughter K have become such good little buddies :)

Cassie has never slept away from home so this was a big deal. Of course she didn't really sleep much and she came home and slept all day.

While R was with the girls I had the boys, my 3 and her son.

The guys had a great time and were pretty easy, I fed them pizza, soda, ice cream and cookies and they played on the computers and danced around to their music and wrestled and ran around outside at 11pm. I was glad it was a weekend can you imagine the horror of kids out on a school night??? LOL! What the hell is a school night anyway? Ok I promise I won't get started, really, I won't just thinking the thoughts, they are passing... slowly...

Ok... So they guys got along great and had a good time I think they conked out about 4:15am, I tried to pawn Jared off on them at 4:00 because he was doing his 20 questions to fall asleep thing.

I've been tagged

My first MEME and it's a tough one, LOL! You are supposed to come up with 10 things about you that are weird. I've been racking my brain and all I get from dh and ds are oh that's easy, no input, they don't want to mess with me :)

This came from my new blogger buddy Evie


1. I love 80's hair bands.



2. I only really need 5 things that I could live on, coffee, dark chocolate, wine, pizza, cheese.



3. My idea of camping involves room service.



4. Brennan told me that I always want to clean, but then Kieran said *not so much anymore* LOL! My house looks lived in now but not too long ago you wouldn't know that there were 6 people and 3 dogs here. So I was a compulsive clean freak, really I was...



5. I stay up late and sleep late depending on your perception of time.



6. Don't get me started on school, my kids roll their eyes when I get going on compulsary schooling.



7. I am not a touchy feely emotional female, I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve and I'm really not compassionate. I can/do empathize, I really do care :) If/when I do break down and cry it's after a long period of hard times. It happens, I am human :) This is actually a difficult thing for me because Cassie is full of emotions and feelings and I have a hard time relating with her sometimes, but I'm trying.



8. I have clausterphobic feet. I hate to be confined, I wear sandals when it's warm and clogs when it is cold. I breathe through my feet.

9. I was born a rebellious spirit, don't tell me no, because I'll do it anyway, don't hold me back I need to be free.

10. I hate the sight blood, mine or anyone else's it makes me weak in the legs, but I love CSI and have no problem with the fake stuff.

You have no idea how hard this was, I'm not weird, I'm just me, I'm definitely different because of my views on things but I don't think that is really weird.

So then I tag 10 more unsuspecting blogger buds...

Julie
Tina
Penny
Jenny
Erica
Lesa
Laura
Laura
Deanne
Sheryl

10-20-30

Got this from www.jewlsntexas.blogspot.com/2007/10/10-20-30.html

Where were you 10, 20 and 30 years ago?

10 years ago we lived in Sacramento, CA and Kieran was 2 and I was just pregnant with Brenny. We were planning our move across country to PA in 1998.

20 years ago I was a junior in high school in Lockport, NY, playing the game so I could live my life :) I knew Jason but we didn't start dating until the following year.

30 years ago I was 6 years old, in 1st grade starting the *suck the love of learning out of me journey* lol!!! We lived in Sanborn, NY and my parents were still married.

YouTube - The "F" Word - (contains adult themes and humour)

I think this is hilarious, if you are offended by the word do NOT click the link. It seems familiar, I think maybe George Carlin did it in one of his skits.

Bumper Sticker

Jason saw a bumper sticker yesterday that is definitely worth sharing.

Don't believe everything you think

Rules...

Rules are made to be broken.

I know that our society has to have laws or else there would be chaos because parents haven't done their job on modeling respect and responsibility, but the schools have done their job in creating people who need to be told what to do and how to think.

Household rules are set for the convenience of the parent, so they don't have to get involved with their child. They just make up rules and punishments and dole it out as needed. While this is the easy way out, it isn't the best way or the most productive. Well it depends what you want, if your goal is obedience and no involvement then by all means make up stupid rules.

Your rules don't count at my house so check them at the door. Do not come to my house and impose your rules on your children and expect me to enforce them.

If I come to your house I will respect your rules but if the are totally asanine and infringe on me and my kids then I guess we won't be coming back very often, if at all.

In my house we foster respect and safety, not rules, punishments and rewards. I see too many kids afraid to be kids, who don't want to go home, home isn't fun. I know that kids act different in my house, they are relaxed and free. I lived the life of the kid who didn't want to be home I don't ever want my kids to be like that.

I really believe that being the authoritarian, do as I say or get punished kind of parent is not right, it's just plain wrong, in my opinion.
We need to talk about things and work them out, making blanket rules for all to follow is ridiculous.

I also believe that making laws because a few people are screw ups is ridiculous too, it's only the honest law abiding people who suffer. I won't go into my thoughts on speed limits, drinking ages, health care, welfare, or big brother telling me how to educate my kids... Well I might I can't promise anything :)

I see many posts on lists where parents want to unschool but really haven't deschooled. They want to give their kids freedom but control them with limits. Make up your mind, unschooling is freeing your mind from the BS you have been fed, it takes time to get over the BS and move on. Don't lay the same line of crap on your kids, give them something better, give them freedom to learn in their way and in their time.

Some people think they can *unschool* but then control everything else like video games and sleeping habits and tv and when to do what. I think you are really holding back and limiting your child's potential to learn from any and every source by putting restrictions on them. I am talking about artificial ones, not ones bound by the realities of each family unit.

I'll probably never be done with this subject but I'm done for now...

Neverending questions?

Jared is constantly asking me questions, I mean almost non stop.

All sorts of questions...
How do you spell ____?
What is 100 +10?
What does grounded mean? (he heard it on The Incredibles)
How many zeros in a trillion?
Is kazillion a real word?
How long does it take to build a road?
How many days until I'm 100 years old?
What does ground mean?
What does _____mean? He has been asking what everyday words mean, those are hard to answer.
He just asked me what 3+3+3+3 is, is that 12? He answered his own question.
He just wrote 1,ooo,ooo on his doodle board, with commas, now he is making a trillion.
He drew a map of our road too.
Thank God for doodle boards, he uses his constantly
He asks some really thought provoking questions too, like when are Grandma Lynn (my mom) and Grandpa Hank (new stepdad) going to have kids, LOL!
How come ghosts are white?

I wish I could remember all of his questions, they are so constant. He has a unique perspective just like all kids do.

Children living in fear

Tonight was another example of how different we parent than others.

The kids were here and they were playing outside in the mud and having fun. They needed to wash off and so they hosed off their feet but little J got her clothes wet.

It's bad enough that they *aren't allowed* to do anything fun, why do you think they spend every moment they can at my house?!

I got over yesterday, I am the neighborhood mom and my house is open to these kids.

She came to me upset because she was going to get in trouble. She wasn't dripping just her shorts and the bottom half of her shirt were wet, she kept trying to dry off with a towel. I let it go until it was time for them to leave. This little child was afraid to go home because she would get in trouble. I told her and her brother to just tell their mom what happened. They didn't think that was a good idea, I asked what would happen. Well he said that she could get a whooping, I said I was sorry and that I don't believe in spanking.

The fear in these kids is real, it's not the first time I've seen it. We talk sometimes, they ask me questions and I answer the best I can. I really have to watch what I say because they are living in this situation. I pray that an opportunity would arise where I would have the right words at the right time to say something.

It happens all the time in many homes, kids are afraid of getting in trouble.

I told Cassie after they left that she never has to be afraid to tell me something, she knows that but I needed to say it again.

Neighborhood mom

So today I didn't feel like being neighborhood mom I just wanted to clean my house.

I made so many attempts at vacuuming I lost count before I finally got it done.

The neighbor girl kept asking me to do this, get this...

I asked all of the kids to play outside, the weather was beautiful, I just wanted to do some cleaning :)

Then they went out and rode bikes through the mud puddles, then they wanted towels...
I told them to hose off because they were covered in mud, good thing it was warm :)

Well my washer has been slightly broken for a few months, well it washes but doesn't spin... I'll have you know that my biceps are shaping nicely, don't mess with the woman who has to wring out her laundry...

So then they want me to be the usual nice person who lets them be kids and paint and play and create and eat in her house...

Actually they did draw with markers and play and eat, we got pizza and they ate over. It was just a really stupid, hurried day. We had a birthday thing to go to in the evening and still hadn't been shopping until 6:oopm and Jared had several outbursts and the boys bickered about the computer and Cassie had too much artificial dye...

All I wanted to do was clean my house...

Little funny here... Brenny came in and asked me why I was cleaning, he asked me if I needed something to do. LOL! Like I don't have anything to do. I said because the house is a mess, I have really let go of my *standards* my house is lived in and I do have extra kids here daily. But I still *need* to clean once in awhile, right!?

So here it is 3:00am and Jared is asleep, woohoo, but Cassie is awake. I just need a little quiet before I go to bed.

So one of those days where I was hurried and stressed, not good, not fun, let it go woman, move on, tomorrow is another day. No rushing, I hate schedules and time constraints and it's much better on days that flow naturally. Let go, breathe in breathe out, have a drink :)

YouTube - You Gotta Go To School

YouTube - You Gotta Go To School

Easily offended?

Well you wouldn't be reading here if you were!

So many times online we see people get offended even if comments weren't directed to them. People will shun off whole groups because of one person. People will either make a big stink or leave without saying a word.

In our day to day life people are offended at church, the store, the park, the post office, in traffic, on and on and on. Why do some people take offense so readily? Why do some people think the slightest comment to be offensive? Why do some people take offense when no offense was intended? WHY???

Well being a straight forward to the point kind of girl I am... I have offended people in my life. Why? Because I tell it like it is, I call it like I see it, I'm honest, I speak my mind.

Anyone who really knows me doesn't take offense to anything I say. I'm really easy to get along with, I'm pretty nice and will do anything for a friend or a child.

I have tried so hard over the years to curb myself, I think so many things that I never actually say. When it comes to unschooling, kids, public school, school at home, stupid parenting, ignorance or any number of things that I feel passionate about, I'm going to speak up. So many of us are just being ourselves we don't mean any harm, we do not intend to offend.

Offense is in the eye of the offendee, LOL! I mean some people just wear it all on their sleeve and get offended by the wind blowing. Some people may be going through something that we don't know about and take offense to something we say in passing or joking. We really can't know what one is thinking or feeling without them telling us.

So I say buck up and move on life is too short to stew about something someone said when they didn't even know you were offended by it.

Little Blessings

The past 2 days Kieran has loaded and unloaded the dishwasher for me.

I never told him to do it :)

Just another example of kids helping out without being forced.

What is the meaning of life?

LOL! Beats me, let me in on it if you know!!
Ok so I haven't been online much lately, 2 computers 6 people, do the math!

I have tried to go to bed early well for 2 days anyway. One night by 1:45am still awake until 4:00, the next night by 12:30 awake until 2:30am. So my theory remains the same, going to bed earlier does not insure more sleep or even rest for that matter.

My kids also went to bed earlier but Cassie came in at least 3 times to tell me she couldn't sleep. Jared who sleeps in our bed did not want to stay up without me so he came to bed and babbled for like an hour. He asked me all sorts of questions and I told him that I was really tired and couldn't talk, LOL! So he finally falls asleep and there I am still awake, sheesh.
Everytime I try to go to bed earlier it backfires, but I figure I'll give it a shot :)

The truth is we were more tired and definitely had some cranky issues. So I say go to bed when you want and wake up when you want! I have always said that but sometimes I do these little experiments to keep me on my toes.

So much to say where to begin? Well you all know that we love unschooling, we love the freedoms we have. Case in point, our new friends who are unschoolers and free in other areas also... Our kids will talk on the phone while playing computer games until well into the night. Usually our phone battery dies then they have to say good-bye. The freedom to do that is really wonderful.

Last weekend our neighbor's went out of town and the grandma stayed with the kids. The boy called up Brenny and they were playing Runescape and talking on the phone and he said his grandma didn't care if he was up and that he wanted to stay up all night. This is no big deal to Brennan who goes to bed when he wants but it was huge to W, he told Brenny that it was *my day* so funny he is 8 years old and partying while mom and dad are away... They stayed up until 6:30am.

Such a small thing to us but a huge thing to him to stay up all night like it's something magical.
Actually Brennan just told me that W said that he is going to homeschool his kids that he doesn't ever want them to go to school, he is 8!!!

I know that we are having a profound affect on these kids lives and are showing them a glimpse of how things can be. They practically live here, just tonight another example of someone else's rules... They spent all day here from like 12:30 to 5:30, then they went somewhere and W came back around 6:30 and said that he could play in our yard, front or back but not in the house. Brennan told me he didn't feel like playing outside right now, of course I told him he didn't have to but he needs to tell W.

Shouldn't it be up to me whether or not they are in MY house??? Oh well so W went home, and tomorrow is back to school, they have had a 2 week break.

More and more my kids realize how different things can be from one house to the next, I always knew. The thing is if the opportunity doesn't present itself I really have no business saying anything. That is what is so hard even with our own friends we really have to be careful what we say but we can definitely be examples.

Learning is Living, Living is Learning

It is so apparant to me how natural learning happens everyday in many ways. I just watch my kids and see the growth, the connections, the imagination, the wonder, the questions, the answers. We were created to learn but so many are inhibited by the forced compulsary schooling whether at school or at home that they lose so much of that natural innate desire and ability.

I observe my children and others who I am around and I really do my best not to judge or compare. Some things are obvious and attributed to schooling or parenting and some things are subtle and definitely all things are individual to the child.

I see the learning and it is awesome. So many people just don't give unschooling a chance, a chance to really see it flourish. I read so many emails from so many different groups that it can become a blur. There have been recent posts about someone who wants to unschool but can't let go of the schoolish mindset and therefore has been wavering back and forth and the kids are confused to say the least. I wonder why this person wants to unschool so bad but hasn't yet deschooled. Why unschool? Well I have all the answers for that question but only you can answer it for yourself.

This lifestyle of learning is an awesome lifestyle. No inhibitions or forced learning, no scopes and sequences, no grades or grade levels, no tests, no teachers, no school. Just real life, real learning, real living, real people doing what they want and learning as they go.

"There is no difference between living and learning-it is impossible and harmful and misleading to think of them as being separate" ~John Holt

Being calm

Lately I have been doing pretty darn well when my kids are being intense.

Cassie is going through some stage right now and is yelling in that high pitched voice that hurts my ears... I want _____now!!!!! Doesn't matter what it is.

Tonight at the grocery store was more difficult than usual. Kroger has these little kid carts and Jared's latest thing is pushing one. Now he is using it like a scooter, running around the store with it up on the back wheels, trying to put a foot on it. Usually he just does it a few times and we move on, well not the case tonight...

I'm at the deli which took a long ass time. I had Kieran with me and he was trying to stay with Jared. After he ran laps in the store while pushing the cart he kept crashing into Kieran's cart. I asked him to slow down and to not crash. He was mad and pushing me away and yelling be quiet, I don't want to.

But then a not so nice older lady walked by the vicinity at the same time that he threw the cart towards Kieran but it kept going and almost hit the lady in the leg. We were running towards the cart trying to catch it and I apologized very kindly and all I got was a nasty scowl back at me. Yikes that reminds me of the last time I was at Kroger. I'll just tell ya cause I'm here :) Jared was riding in the cart but he was standing in it, we were stopped in an aisle and this old couple walked by (scowls on their faces) the man proceeded to tell me that I better make him sit down because he saw a girl fall out once and cut up her face. I smiled and said thank you and kept walking all the while absolutely no change in their facial expression or demeanor. I told Jason when I got home and he came up with some comebacks to use next time, LOL!

Back to tonight, I told Jared that he almost hit that lady and to please not throw the cart again. He pushed me away yelling something. I don't know what was up with him tonight because this was way more meanness than usual. I just wanted to hurry up and get out of there. After a few minutes he wanted to ride in the big cart.

I'm really trying not to react and get mad when the kids are acting out, it is hard because I'm a very reactionary person. I'm getting pretty good at it though.

Parenting 101

If you respect your children, they will be respectful.

If you trust your children, they will be trustworthy.

If you are generous with your children, they will be generous.

If you are patient with your children, they will be patient.

If you model curiosity to your children, they will be curious.

If you are kind and gentle with your children, they will be kind and
gentle.


We are easily conditioned.

But: If you are controlling of your children, they will rebel.

If you are disrespectful of your children, they will show no respect.

If you are distrusting of your children, they will lie and sneak.

If you are impatient with your children, they will dawdle.

If you force your children, they will resist.

If you are stingy with your children, they will steal.

This ain’t rocket science.

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

-Kelly Lovejoy

Fun in the living room

The Zoo

Bongo

Red Panda

My favorite is the elephants of course.

We had a good day, I have lots of pics so just picked a few to share.

It's still 90 in Nashville

Just a few pics from this week of sunbathing and water play.

Faith

Some of you who don't share my faith are probablythinking man she is talking about God a lot lately... and those of you who do share my faith are probably thinking it's about time she talked about God. LOL!

I believe that my faith and belief in God are a personal matter between him and me, I believed this for my whole childhood and then I was part of *the church* for 10 years and it wasn't the same. I left the church but I have come closer to God, some of you know what I mean, anyone here who is thinking these things can check out the Unschooling God Journey link on my page.
This post isn't about church I haven't really shared that journey yet.

This post is about faith and how strong mine is and how God has seen my family through some very tough times, especially the last few months. It is hard for a control freak like me to give things to God, I know that I really can't control much of anything and that is hard to swallow.
I need to know what will happen and when it will happen and how it will happen... of course I'm not privy to this information, who is?

A few of those who read this know that my husband was between jobs and that things were getting pretty tight. It went far beyond tight, it got to the point where I told my dh that we are literally at God's mercy and anyone who is willing to help us. Of course only a couple people actually knew what was really going on but that was enough, God knew, he provided even in our most desperate time.

My faith has gotten stronger, I kept as positive as I could, I believed that God would see us through and take care of us because he always did... But the day to day struggle was real, it was difficult, I did my best to stay positive and keep the faith alive. My kids only know a portion of the realities because some things were obvious but others we didn't want to worry them with.

We have lived without many things that we were used to having and living with things that were broken and we couldn't fix. None of those things really matter because we will get them back and we will fix what is broken. The most important thing to me is that my kids are healthy and taken care of. We have been very blessed, our kids are healthy and all the stuff in the world can't compare to that.

Out of the mouths of babes

Over the years all of my kids have said some awesome things and I wish I would have written them down.

Tonight on the way home from playing with our friends Jared asked me a question. I should preface by saying whenever I mention a time of day whether it be today, tonight, this morning, yesterday etc. it is my time reference of my actual day not what the calendar says. This was actually a bit after midnight but to me it's still tonight, Tuesday night even though it's technically Wednesday morning. Just for the heck of it if anyone needs to contact me don't call between 4am and noon unless it's really important :) You can feel free to call at any other time though, including 3 am, cause you know what I'm doing :)

Anyway Jared asked me if God knows everything, I said well I believe that he does. Then Jared says *Is there a guy named God* we all chuckled and I said well... God is actually a being, a spirit, not really a person that is a boy or girl. Then he said *so there is a guy named God*

We all lost it and thought it was cute, he is 5 for those who don't know.

Kids have such a unique perspective and we need to pay attention to how they see things and interpret them, whenever we reference God we say *he* so to Jared he is a guy named God.

Too cute :)

Choices, consequences, parenting, life

Obviously I don't know what to call this. I have had so many thoughts lately and I've taken some good pics of the kids, I just haven't got them here yet. We had a busier than usual weekend, we even went to the zoo. We love the zoo, I love the elephants of course, Jay got some good shots of them. They are so peaceful, I could just watch them all day. I love elephants, Cassie always asks me why, well they are highly intelligent, the mothers take care of their babies, they stick together, they feel, they don't forget. I want one, can you tell???

When you have many different talks with different people you gather all the info and process it in your brain, right??? I need someone who gets what I'm saying, I am so sick of guarding myself so I don't offend or overstep. I was talking with a very dear friend today and lately I've been realizing how far apart we really are. What binds our friendship? It is so much more that parenting or how we homeschool, at least I thought it was...

Those are very important to me, how we treat our children is so important.
We have neighbor kids that I feel like a surrogate mother to, more stuff today proves that these kids need me and my house, they need it!

Many times I question God on various issues but I always see the reason even if it is many years later.

I firmly believe in God, I have faith, I trust in him, I pray, I believe that he created us in his image with our own free will. Many do not believe in God and many do not believe in free will, I believe in both. Everything is a choice, from what you wear, to what you eat, to when you go to bed, to if/when you cook, clean, pay bills, get a job, help another, share, be kind, laugh, love whatever it is , it's a choice. You have the power in your own mind to decide what to do.

I was reading a thread at Unschooling Basics and a newbie is questioning about kids ruling and parents following. I suppose to someone new at parenting with mindfulness and respect would think that. If I don't *make* them do _____ they never will, or how will they learn to do ____ if I don't make them.
I know that is popular thinking but it is so flawed, unless you shift your thoughts and priorities and open your mind and really be what your kid needs none of this will make sense.

Unschooling is all about trust and respect not about control, nobody has the right to control another's thoughts and actions. I always tell my kids only YOU can control YOU, especially if they say *he made me do ____*

Raising Children as a Spiritual Practice

I got this from Zenmommas garden.

Raising children as a spiritual practice.

1. Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.

2.Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?

3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.

4.Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.

5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.

6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.

7. Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.

8 Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.

9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions.
Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.

10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.

11. There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.

12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own.

Excerpted from Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Copyright

Goal setting

Unschooler style :)

The last few days Kieran and Brennan have been trying to accomplish specific tasks on Runescape. They are working together to collect stuff to sell in order to make a specific amount of money to buy what they need.

Kieran has been making lists of items and money at night for what he wants to do when he wakes up.

There is no need for me to list all of the learning that happens from playing this game or any other, I see it.

disappointed kids

Not mine, LOL!

A new example of parenting that I do not understand nor can I do anything about.

Picture it, tonight dinner is done and the neighbor kids are here. Many times we tell them that the kids are gonna eat and then will come out to play, many times we have plenty and offer it to them.

Tonight we made homemade pizza, a big sheet of it, I was getting it to the table and Brenny asked if W could eat over. I said it looks like we have plenty so sure he can. They left and were gone for several minutes, in the meantime his little sister was here and I gave her a plate.

We were all eating when they came back, I asked what took so long. W said that his mom kept asking him questions and are you sure they have enough. The jist is he was told that he could not eat here all the while his sister was here at our table.

I asked him a few questions and he was so upset, just sitting there watching us eat.
I apologized to him, I did not say anything about what his mother said. Some of you know me and know how hard I bit my tongue.

He also told me that the other day his sister got in trouble for eating a brownie we gave her because she didn't have dinner yet. It was like 7:00pm the kid was hungry, we told them we were making them and they got called to go home and we sent them home with a brownie.

I felt so bad for him and within 5 minutes the phone rang and it was his mom asking us to send the kids home, Jason said she sounded snippy.

You have no idea what we have done for these kids, they are here almost everyday, I feed them I listen to them, I am the lady with the paints and markers and games. They get off the school bus and are at my house within minutes.

I feel bad for them and I feel like I really have no place to confront the parents, you have no idea how many times I wanted to. I'm afraid they would get banned from here, so I just do what I can and hope that we are a light for them.

I really want to smack some parents upside the head, this particular family has so many stupid rules I can't keep it straight and sometimes it infringes on my life with my kids who don't have stupid rules. If you are interested I could compile a list just from what I see.

Budding artist

This is a rocket taking off at sunset.

These are guys in suits, the bottom one is in the rain with his boots on.

This is Darth Maul.

Jared has just started to draw and paint and write, it is so cool. Lots of times he gets mad because it didn't turn out right and he throws them away. These are displayed on the fridge, I had to take pictures just in case he threw them away.

After the fun

I probably should have posted this in reverse but you get the picture :)

This didn't last long that is why I had to take pictures.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Cassie's room

Friends

Silly girls playing around and having fun.

The Unprocessed Child

I have finished The Unprocessed Child www.ubpub.com and just thought I would tell you what I thought of it.

Overall it was a good book, easy to read, straightforward and to the point. I have said many of the things she writes so I really agreed with her take on most things.I realize that Valerie F. was pretty much giving an overview of their lives and in that respect she did a nice job.

It is a good read to give to someone who would like to unschool and parent respectfully.

I do believe it was pretty simplistic in many areas and I would have liked her to go more in depth but I suppose then the book would be 4oo pages long.

She had one child and the dynamics of a one child household is much different than a 4 child household.

My kids have the freedoms that Laurie had but when we have to take turns and be flexible and mediate and respect everyones needs it takes on a whole new dynamic.

"Unparenting" revisted

I know, I know, been there done that... How many times am I supposed to see someone claim they are an unschooler but NOT an unparent????

I honestly believe that people who say this are NOT unschoolers! In order for someone to say this they must have some preconceived notion about how unschoolers parent in the first place.
From what I see unschoolers are very mindful parents. They are respectful parents. They work hard at parenting, well I sure do.

I have 4 very different, very individual children, to parent them blanketly and arbitrarily would cause them undo harm.

I have stated many times before that I parent my ass off and it's true, I can't sit down cause it hurts, no cushion there, LOL!

Really in order to unschool completely you must parent completely. Making arbitrary rules for the sake of convenience or trying to uphold some sort of notion you have about how kids should act and how you should parent is wrong in my opinion.

Kids are people and deserve to be treated as such,actually just yesterday Jared asked me if kids were people, what a question from a 5 year old.

I will tell you it is pretty damn easy to sit high and mighty and make rules and punishments and take away *privileges* and make up bedtimes and cut out video games and whatever else parents do to make their kids obey.

To truly parent in the spirit of your children takes a huge paradigm shift away from authoritarian and move towards respect and partnership. It is beneficial to parent individually and not make up stupid rules for everyone to follow and punishments when they don't.

It makes so much more sense to discuss things and find the root of the issue or behaviour and to LISTEN to your child.

Goals

Do you ever look at things in the past and remember goals or plans and think how different things turned out?

Let's go back 20 years, ouch that hurts, okay I'm 36 now I can handle it, I think...

I was very career oriented, I had career goals, I was going to manage and then own a Hotel. I love hotels, big beautiful glorious ones of course, I used to watch the TV show Hotel, I know it was cheesy but I loved it. I have been to some beautiful ones just as a tourist and I have stayed in a few really nice ones. I went to college for Hotel Management, didn't graduate, I decided that having a baby was more important :)

My goals never involved kids, I was going for the career, I had to be in charge, I had to be the boss, working for someone else was never my goal.

Well, here I am the mother of 4 wonderfully made children, I don't own a hotel but we own a house and I manage it :)

I'm not the boss though, well maybe just a little, I am the facilitator of this establishment and all who live in it. I am the go to girl, the answerer, the researcher, the finder, the mom come here, the game player, drawer, colorer, cooker, cleaner, player, reader, how do you spell this, what does this say, mom can you...mom watch this...and so much more.

How different things can turn out from how we thought they would.

We are fostering an independence in our kids, my hope for them is to be who they are and not take heat from some authority figure. I hope they will be independent thinkers of their own free will, non -conformists, entreprenuers. Whatever they decide I just want them to be happy with themselves and the choices they make.

No More Sweets

Today my friend brought over some doughnuts, she asked me first. I said it was ok, I can unclench my sphincter on occasion :)

On top of that Jared really wanted cupcakes, now he doesn't actually eat the cupcake just the frosting. So I made chocolate cupcakes some with vanilla frosting and some with chocolate.

Brenny and Cassie kept coming in for another plus eating the frosting out of the bowl. I honestly do not know how many they ate. Brenny asked me if he could have another and I said sure.

In the past I have usually said something that would deter them from eating too many but tonight I said nothing.

A little while ago I was in the kitchen and I heard Brennan say *That's it, no more sweets for me tonight* and Cassie chimed in and said *No more sweets for the rest of my life*

A little later Cass was on the couch crying that her tummy hurt, I tried to be sympathetic and offered her mint tea, I did not say anything demeaning at all, she knew why her stomach hurt.

Why am I posting about this? Well this was a major deal for me, I kept my mouth shut, I didn't limit and I didn't say well duh of course you have a stomachache. This was a major turning point for all of us.

Cassie is fine now and eating again.

I love Unschooling

I don't know what is is but I am so jazzed when I see others embracing unschooling. I have been reading blogs from those who went to the Live and Learn Conference and Life is Good and Rethinking Education. It is so awesome to see so many people ditch public school and embrace real learning, life long learning, it is so exciting to me.

I have never been a public school advocate, I went there, for God sake I can't fathom why any sane person would send their child there against their will. I see people sending their kids to an institution every day without thinking twice about it . I really believe that most people don't think about it and just do it because they believe that is what they are supposed to do. I used to call it free babysitting but really all of our tax dollars fund public schools whether our kids attend or not so it really isn't free.I was reading Shell's blog and her latest post was called Who is school for? My link brain isn't working, in my blog bar she is Oh the thinks you can think. She talks about how kids learn everything and anything without school so who is school for. Very good question and I agree with her answer that it is for parents not for kids. If kids had a choice I believe that they would want to be home with their parents.

Not sure what to call it

Ok... I don't know what I'm posting about, random thoughts I guess.

So much is going on, so much happens everyday, so many questions asked by the kids.

Today my friend was here briefly and she said I was so calm and tranquil, back up a few phone calls ago, she told me she was getting sleepy talking to me, I'm like what am I boring or something? She said no there is a calm in your voice that is relaxing me. This is funny because I am pretty uptight and impatient but I TRY not to be some days it doesn't matter how hard I try. Sunday was a bomb it was like a bad day of PMS even though flo just ended. I'm on a new remedy and it is messing with my hormones as we try to find the right dose.

So today she is like you are so calm as Cassie is having a thing, all the kids are outside you know, swirling hooks and shovels, you are so calm as you talk to them. Look at how you picked up those legos... It's so funny but she is right today, I was calm like not my usual uptight self, I was tired though I'm not sleeping well. It was just funny to me because I'm not usually like that but I want to be like that, I want to be peaceful even when things around me aren't.

I'm reading The Unprocessed Child and was trying to explain that to her, I will do a seperate post on that when I finish the book.

Musings from Jared

Last night while trying to go to sleep Jared kept talking and asking questions two of them stand out in my mind.

Mom W has black skin and J has brown skin, why do they have dark skin? Is their skull black too?

If the TV glass was broken and we turned the TV on would the people come out of it?

Street Ball

So called friends

There is a little girl that lives near us that Cassie liked to play with. She only sees her once in awhile if she is out because it seemed that she was never allowed to play. How a child cannot be allowed to play is beyond me.

Lately Cass has been telling me things that this girl says, well for one she told her that she doesn't like brown people. Cassie happens to be friends with some brown kids that live near us. Our kids have never even noticed skin color before and we don't make it out to be anything. So that brought up a discussion that no matter what color we are, we are all people and God created all of us.

Last night Cassie's tire blew out on her bike, we had one spare tire on an old bike that was still good, so Jason swapped them. Cassie was a little upset because she now has one white tire and one black tire. We told her that is all we have right now to fix the bike and she could decide if she wants to ride it or not. It only took a few minutes for her to start riding her bike and it worked.

Tonight the kids down the street were out and Cassie went up to play with them. She wasn't up there very long she came home and said they were still out but she wanted to come home. A little while later she went out and played here at our house then she came in and told me why she came home early. The little girl told Cassie that her bike looked stupid with different color tires. I told Cassie that real friends don't treat each other like that and she said, I know. We talked a bit and she is realizing that she doesn't want to play with this little girl.

It is really sad but it's also a testament of kids being cruel and not caring dare I say it... I dare... Typical Public School behavior, these are just the recent examples. How about one more, last week she called my son and his friend (the brown boy) losers, she said goodbye Cassie, goodbye loser and goodbye loser's friend.

Unschooling friends

We have been blessed with real live unschooling friends. We are getting to know each other, spending hours at each others houses, hours that go by like minutes. The kids are having so much fun playing together.

Even after we go home the kids are talking on the phone for hours, playing computer games together.

It is just so cool to sit down and talk to someone about all sorts of topics and get to know each other. The really neat thing is that the way we parent is in the same line of thinking as well.
I really believe that in order to unschool successfully we do parent differently, more in tune with each child, more respectfully and mindfully than mainstream top down rule oriented thinking.

I'm trying to be vague with descriptions and names but I am just so thrilled to actually know people who get us and don't think we are from another planet :)

Tonight Cassie was on the computer and on the phone with her friend pretty late, I was in the tub but it was between 1-1:30 am. How cool is that? The really cool thing was that the mom was playing on the computer too with the kids. She is cool!

My point is we are having a blast with our new friends and we are loving the freedoms that unschooling entails.

Kid intuition

Cassie came to me last night while I was in the tub and asked me if I ever saw stuff when I closed my eyes. I asked her what she meant, like a dream or a picture or a scene? She said she closed her eyes and saw herself running out of her room crying because Caramel (our guinea pig) died.

I told her to go pet Caramel, she hasn't been acting right for a couple weeks now and she didn't eat last night.

Well Caramel died in her sleep and so everyone is a little sad right now. We got her in December and we didn't know how old she was. I believe she was just old and it was her time to go, Jason is going to bury her in a bit.

Cassie knew that she was going to die, she sensed it.

Accepted Quote

You know what? You're a criminal. 'Cause you rob these kids of their creativity and their passion. That's the real crime! Well, what about you parents? Did -did the system really work out for you? Did it teach you to follow your heart, or to just play it safe, roll over? What about you guys? Did you always want to be school administrators? Dr. Alexander, was that your dream? Or maybe no, maybe you wanted to be a poet. Maybe you wanted to be a magician or an artist. Maybe you just wanted to travel the world. Look, I - I - I - I lied to you. I lied to all of you, and I'm sorry. Dad, especially to you. But out of that desperation, something happened that was so amazing. Life was full of possibilities. A - and isn't that what you ultimately want for us? As parents, I mean, is - is that, is possibilities. Well, we came here today to ask for your approval, and something just occurred to me. I don't give a shit. Who cares about your approval? We don't need your approval to tell us that what we did was real. 'Cause there are so few truths in this world, that when you see one, you just know it. And I know that it is a truth that real learning took place at South Harmon. Whether you like it or not, it did. 'Cause you don't need teachers or classrooms or - or fancy highbrow traditions or money to really learn. You just need people with a desire to better themselves, and we got that by the shit at South Harmon. So you can go ahead, sign your forms, reject us and shoot us down, and do whatever you gotta do. It doesn't really matter at this point. Because we'll never stop learning, and we'll never stop growing, and we'll never forget the ideals what were instilled in us at our place. 'Cause we are SHIT heads now, and we'll be SHIT heads forever and nothing you say can do or stamp can take that away from us! So go!

I loved the premise of this movie and this quote by Bartleby Gaines at the end was one of the best.

Learning happens

In an environment conducive to learning while living, learning happens as a natural progression, you can't stop it.

Here's the latest example from last night. Cassie and I were playing tic-tac-toe in her room and Jared came in and started playing with his doodleboard. He asked me what 100 and 4 make so I told him 104, he proceeded to write 100+4=104 on his board, he then kept asking me questions and writing things down and many he figured out on his own.

He has exploded lately with reading, writing, spelling and now math, major learning spurt happening here. I looked at Cassie and I said *See, I don't ever want you to believe that you have to go to school to learn anything* You know schooled friends can fill her head with stuff...

She just smiled so big and said *Hurry give me a book he reads better than me*