Rules, punishment, Christianity, unschooling...

Obviously I don't know what to call this post, I have thoughts spurred from a recent exchange on a yahoo group. I admit to skimming and not fully reading but I pretty much do that anyway, it's how I read.

There are no rules and punishments in my house, there is not top down authoritarian parenting. We advocate respect and safety, we talk, we model, we live, one person's freedom ends where another begins, we must have respect in the house. This is something that takes time and effort from parents to model for their kids, you can't expect what you don't give. You also need to realize that it is a process just like everything else, modeling and discussing are high on the list.

I am a Christian because I believe in God, I believe that Jesus is his son who walked on this earth as a perfect man. I do not believe in churchianity, I do not believe in obedience out of fear, I do not believe in arbitrary rules and thou shalt nots and punishment. I choose to believe, I choose to have faith, I choose to be responsible because it's the right thing to do. I do not do it out of fear of eternal damnation.

I want my kids to act out of the sheer fact that it's kind and right and respectful not because they are afraid of what I will do to them if they don't, or worse what God will do.

Parenting based on fear and punishment is flawed at best and it sets up an adversarial relationship with our kids.

There is no *getting in trouble* if anyone does something *wrong* we talk about it, we work out the problem. We talk about so many things all of the time, we do not parent out of fear and we do not instill fear in our kids. I do not train my children either they are not animals they are people, I guide,model, respect, discuss, and facilitate and pray a lot. Heck even our dogs are unschooled... They are free in the boundaries of our property, they aren't beaten or punished, they are animals, how could I treat my child less...

Society is full of laws and rules, why do we need them in our homes? We sure don't, we should be free in our own homes. Naysayers might say how could someone raised without rules obey the laws of the land?

Well it is called modeling and discussing and learning about our world. My kids know about laws and rules they just don't have extra ones at home. For what it's worth sometimes laws are stupid and I do break them, am I some bad influence? NO! I am a person with a brain that does not mindlessly follow anyone. If I drive fast and get caught I pay the consequence, it's really that simple. Although ya'll know I am against speed limits and drinking ages and homeschool laws and anything that takes away civil liberty and personal freedom and responsibility for one's actions.

As unschoolers who live and learn in freedom without the confines of school we parent the same way, we live and breathe freedom. We advocate responsibility and respect for each other and for this world that God gave us.

Rules...

Rules are made to be broken.

I know that our society has to have laws or else there would be chaos because parents haven't done their job on modeling respect and responsibility, but the schools have done their job in creating people who need to be told what to do and how to think.

Household rules are set for the convenience of the parent, so they don't have to get involved with their child. They just make up rules and punishments and dole it out as needed. While this is the easy way out, it isn't the best way or the most productive. Well it depends what you want, if your goal is obedience and no involvement then by all means make up stupid rules.

Your rules don't count at my house so check them at the door. Do not come to my house and impose your rules on your children and expect me to enforce them.

If I come to your house I will respect your rules but if the are totally asanine and infringe on me and my kids then I guess we won't be coming back very often, if at all.

In my house we foster respect and safety, not rules, punishments and rewards. I see too many kids afraid to be kids, who don't want to go home, home isn't fun. I know that kids act different in my house, they are relaxed and free. I lived the life of the kid who didn't want to be home I don't ever want my kids to be like that.

I really believe that being the authoritarian, do as I say or get punished kind of parent is not right, it's just plain wrong, in my opinion.
We need to talk about things and work them out, making blanket rules for all to follow is ridiculous.

I also believe that making laws because a few people are screw ups is ridiculous too, it's only the honest law abiding people who suffer. I won't go into my thoughts on speed limits, drinking ages, health care, welfare, or big brother telling me how to educate my kids... Well I might I can't promise anything :)

I see many posts on lists where parents want to unschool but really haven't deschooled. They want to give their kids freedom but control them with limits. Make up your mind, unschooling is freeing your mind from the BS you have been fed, it takes time to get over the BS and move on. Don't lay the same line of crap on your kids, give them something better, give them freedom to learn in their way and in their time.

Some people think they can *unschool* but then control everything else like video games and sleeping habits and tv and when to do what. I think you are really holding back and limiting your child's potential to learn from any and every source by putting restrictions on them. I am talking about artificial ones, not ones bound by the realities of each family unit.

I'll probably never be done with this subject but I'm done for now...