Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A few thoughts...

In light of last week's events a lot of people are airing their opinions on guns. What about the cause of what makes someone go on a killing spree. Clearly this person was mentally ill . I believe a lot of these shootings could be avoided. I do not have a lot of knowledge on the situation but the question I have is, Why does this keep happening? Why are people snapping and shooting in schools and malls and any public place they feel like it?

I do not believe that gun control is the issue. No matter what the laws are if someone wants to get a gun, they can get a gun, it's not that hard to obtain one illegally. All more laws will do is punish the law abiding citizens.

Then take school, why shoot up kids? Aren't they supposed to be safe at school? I think not, even though schools are prison like and some have more security than others, it is not a safe place for children. You know I have never sent my kids to school, I did not have kids to send them away. I'm not saying you did but I don't think very many people give it a second thought. Many just believe it's part of life, you go to school. Well I believe the opposite, it is an unnecessary part of so many lives. I have nothing good to say about school.

More importantly our children are only young once, every milestone they reach I want to be there, I don't want to hear about it second hand. Schools cause division in the family. I have written about this so many times I feel like a broken record.

I don't have the answers, I wish more of these troubled kids got the help they needed. There is so much turmoil in their lives, bullying, cutting, suicide...

Why?

Monday, August 20, 2012

Parents

Once again I am seeing an influx of things on Facebook that reference to the way kids are today is because their parents aren't spanking them.  I disagree and unfortunately a lot of kids still get hit. No child should ever be hit...period!

The disrespect and disregard for other people and their property is because of the way kids are being raised.

The parents who rule, bully, take things away, bribe, coerce, ground, time out etc...I don't know what ever parents do to try and make a kid do what they want....The schools do the same thing, rule and coerce... They instill fear, they do not respect the child. The child has no control over themselves but must adhere to whatever rules are being thrown at them.

If you raise your child in a respectful manner none of these measures are needed. I don't think they are necessary and they don't work anyway. They just make kids get more clever with hiding, lying and getting away with stuff.

Be your child's partner in this life not their adversary.... Maybe I sound like a broken record but damn it somebody has to stand up for these kids.

Parents!  I implore you to take a long hard look at what you are doing to your child. You are doing internal damage and if you are spanking you are doing worse.

Kids who are living with respect, learn it and give it back.

You can change, it's not too late. It may take years to undo and some things just can't be undone. I know from experience, I was that child...

Monday, August 06, 2012

Preparing for what?

Why is there so much emphasis on taking specific classes in high school and passing certain tests? I'm talking about public school and traditional homeschooler's that do the same thing as schools.What is done in high school doesn't have much bearing on college or one's future. Who cares what classes you took as a teenager? If/when you go to college you take their entrance exam and then you take their classes.

I don't see the correlation of high school preparing one for college or better yet, real life. I think time would be much better spent following one's interests and learning about what is really important to them. Time should be spent thinking and exploring. Time spent alone or with others. Time spent working and earning their own money. Time spent to really figure out what they want to do with their life.

Nothing magic happens at 18 that suddenly makes you know what you want to do. What does happen at 18 is that society deems you an adult, period.

Some know what they want to do with their life from an early age and they pursue it. Many kids don't know, they are forced to pick a major and follow a career path. I did it, I had focused goals, but guess what? People change, plans change, life happens as you live it. What I had planned on way back when I was 18, never happened, my life took a complete turn in another direction.

So have some goals, make some loose plans because nothing is written in stone.

Why spend years taking classes when you won't remember most of it anyway? I do believe it's all just busywork to keep kids occupied until they are adults and the school system doesn't have to worry about them anymore.

They need to be doing real things in real life, not busywork in an artificial environment that will never be replicated in life.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Parenting for the children

There are just too many examples of harmful parenting out there. Perhaps it's always been this way but the internet makes it more readily available to hear and see. Or maybe it really has gotten worse. I don't know. It is disheartening to me to see the latest bad parenting by public humiliation. This is where the parent makes a sign stating whatever the child did and makes them stand out on a street corner for strangers to see. What is even worse to me is that many people agree with this and think it's a great idea because kids these days are rotten and disrespectful etc...

Honestly it is the parent that causes these kids to be this way. If you are demanding, controlling, belittling, mean, rude, disrespectful etc. to your child, how do you think they will be? You get what you give. People talk about spoiling babies, terrible two's, terrible teens etc... If that is what you expect that is what you will get.

I love babies they are tiny human beings, not food, they don't spoil. They thrive on human interaction and touch and being talked to and loved. Toddlers are wonderful little people exploring their world and teens are downright fun. I loved having toddlers and now I enjoy them as teens. My kids are not terrible they are wonderful.

Are we perfect? No, nobody is perfect. We decided to have kids and then decided to raise them as partners not adversaries. We take every situation as it comes, each child is different, each situation is different. We discuss behaviors and how to act in certain situations. Our kids have never been in trouble or punished.

When you set up an adversarial relationship and add in school, which in my opinion is the crux of the demise of families, you are going to get all of the behaviors you didn't want. Schools put a wedge between parent and child right from the start and by the time they are teens it's only worse. Yes, I know some people have a good relationship with their child even though they attend school. Let's face it, they are the exception, not the norm.

When you parent from a place of love, trust and respect, live with principles instead of rigid rules and build that foundation it manifests as the child grows. Then you suddenly have a house full of teens that love, trust and respect you because that is what they know.

Be your child's partner in this life not their enemy.

Some people think it's cool to rule and control, I don't get that at all. If you think humiliating your child in public will all of a sudden make them learn and change, you are wrong. I believe it will make them bitter and angry and cause more disrespect as they grow.

I'm almost a little concerned about what kind of world my children will live in as adults. I see the generation they are a part of and the way these kids are being raised is appalling to me. I know there are people out there who get how we parent but we are such a small percentage. The big picture are people being raised in a controlling environment without autonomy or respect. There are lots of teenage punks out there that don't care about anything and don't respect other people or their property. It's all in how they were raised.

If you are one of these parents I speak of  I implore you to take a long, hard look at the long term damage that you are inflicting on your children. Take steps to change, get help, whatever it may be but please stop damaging your kids.

I am still trying to heal from my childhood, therapy has helped a little but there is a lot of damage that just can't be undone.

Let's raise children that don't need to recover from their childhood!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Healing from Gluten damage

I have had health problems my whole life. Saw countless doctors and had test after test run...Drugs thrown at my symptoms but never a cause...Never a this is why you are so sick.... I am really frustrated that doctors didn't figure this out 20 years ago. I look back and I was so miserable....

Gluten causes so many health issues. http://www.glutenfreesociety.org/gluten-free-society-blog/gluten-sensitivity-intolerance-self-test/

On that checklist I have 24 symptoms....

Since they just told me I had IBS and anxiety and vertigo, inner ear troubles....I was so dizzy some days I got out of bed and laid on the floor all day. They gave me anti histamines that knocked me out. They gave me xanax, which I got addicted to. Told me to eat more fiber.... I also had endometriosis, serious PMS, had my gall bladder out...More tests, severe bloating, oh it's slow digestion, here take this pill...Asthma, allergies...Hormonal imbalance, peri menopause starting at age 34. High blood pressure, anxiety attacks, mood swings, severe vitamin D deficiency and several vitamin deficiencies because I couldn't absorb nutrients....

Then I decided to find someone to do a hormone saliva kit on me 2 years ago. Not only were my hormones way off the charts but I tested positive for Gliadin, a form of gluten. Now I wish I would have taken it seriously at first, I did stop eating it...mostly. I kept having real pizza every couple of weeks or would slip in a piece of bread or a beer or something....Symptoms just continued to get worse. It got to the point where the last few times I ate gluten I had chest pain for 2 days because it sat in my gut...I can't digest it...

I have been gluten free for a year now, been cross contaminated about 3 times. I instantly know because I get that pain in my gut.

So now my gut is so far damaged that it may take years to heal. I'm putting in as much probiotics as I can.

The good news is I don't live in that dizzy, anxiety ridden fog anymore. I've lost 40 pounds and I look and feel younger. I found a supplement that helps metabolize my estrogen and I don't have high blood pressure anymore either.

Part of me is really pissed that my 20's and 30's were robbed from me because I was so sick all the time. The good news is I'm rocking the 40's and I will HEAL!


Friday, May 11, 2012

Being a mom

I became a mother almost 17 years ago, it's the best thing I have ever done. There was a time that we didn't know if I would be able to have kids so the fact that I have 4 is a true blessing.

When my babies were born I held them all the time, nursed them, slept with them, talked to them like they were real people, because they are real people, just little.

I met their needs the best that I could. I put them first, I shared my day with them. As they grew and developed and started walking and talking and coming into their own, I enjoyed every minute of it. Although some of it is a blur from pure exhaustion, I did have 4 kids in just under 7 years.

They are now almost 17,14,13 and10... The years really have flown by. I respect my children and parent with them in partnership, trust and love. We have great relationships, conversations  and have lots of fun together.

I am proud to say that my children are my friends!

With Mother's day approaching I always think why do we need one day to shout out. I believe that every day is Mother's Day because I am honored to spend each day with my children. Moms want to feel appreciated for everything they do so it's a good idea to let them know all the time, not once a year.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

conversations

As my kids continue to grow and develop I continue to be in awe of  the wonderful people they are.

Talking with the older ones about political hot topics or the latest news of the day shows me how bright and articulate they are. They have their own opinions on various topics and are able to express them.

They aren't brainwashed by school or me or the media. They take in info and they form their own ideas, and conclusions.

It's an honor to share life with my children.