Unconscious Mutterings

What comes to mind with each word? This is from Luna Nina Unconscious Mutterings.

I say....and you think?...

1. Memorable :: my wedding


2. Resolution :: stay in touch


3. Goal :: declutter my house


4. 2008 :: prosperity


5. Sensational :: my 4 kids


6. Popular demand :: me


7. Old :: fogey


8. Music :: kick ass rock


9. Intense :: Jared


10. 2007 :: very tough

Thanks Zenmomma

Intense child

in·tense /ɪnˈtɛns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-tens] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1.
existing or occurring in a high or extreme degree: intense heat.
2.
acute, strong, or vehement, as sensations, feelings, or emotions: intense anger.
3.
of an extreme kind; very great, as in strength, keenness, severity, or the like: an intense gale.
4.
having a characteristic quality in a high degree: The intense sunlight was blinding.
5.
strenuous or earnest, as activity, exertion, diligence, or thought: an intense life.
6.
exhibiting a high degree of some quality or action.
7.
having or showing great strength, strong feeling, or tension, as a person, the face, or language.
8.
susceptible to strong emotion; emotional: an intense person.
9.
(of color) very deep: intense red.
10.
Photography. dense (def. 4).
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME < style="FONT-VARIANT: small-caps" href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=intent" minmax_bound="true">intent2, ptp. of intendere to intend. See in-2, tense1] —Related forms
in·tense·ly, adverb
in·tense·ness, noun
—Synonyms 2. fervent, passionate, ardent, strong.

Well that sums up Jared :)

He has always been intense, he is easily frustrated and he perceives things differently then we do. Lately it has been more so, I could come up with a few reasons like sickness, food dyes, he has been on a bubble gum kick, I only buy it once in awhile, I haven't been able to find bubble gum without red dye in it, we have found gum they like, Spry gum but I have to travel 30 minutes or order online. Another pet peeve of mine, getting natural, organic and homeopathic items is not convenient, we have to travel or buy online(whole different post).

Cassie has sensitivities to dyes, preservatives and HFCS, MSG,nitrates, and everything artificial so we usually don't buy the stuff, but on occasion I do. Anyway back to Jared...

I have attempted many a post to save in draft and then delete, I'm not sure how much to share, how it looks negative or what advice I want. I have posted on my yahoo group, Rad Christian Unschoolers, I read at Always Unschooled, I read Danielle and Ren's writing's, they have an intense boy also.

We stopped going to home ed meetings after he was 2- 2 1/2 because I spent the whole time in the hall, I stopped field trips because they were not Jared friendly. I figured it's just a short time, my kids will have lots of opportunities to see those things. It was not a sacfrifice, it was a choice, a choice to keep my whole family happy. We choose to go places where Jared can be himself, like the Zoo, The Gaylord Opry Mills Hotel in Nashville, some stores, the park, certain restaurants, we do take out more often than dine out. These are things we choose, we love him and we try to accomodate him the best we can.

Bear with me because I do not want to spout negatives about a boy I love so much but I need to let this out.

He is mean, he yells, he hits,he throws things, he demands...

Then he is also sweet, loving and kind and playful...

He is like two different children, I have not read the Explosive Child yet...

In case you haven't noticed I'm not big on letting it all out and asking for advice. I am more reserved, research, figure it out as I go kind of person. That works really well most of the time, sometimes I just need a been there done that here is what I found to be true. So if any of you have that to share, please do, I welcome your input. I feel like I'm at an impasse, I have tried many approaches with this little guy and I want to do what is right for him.

We talk when he is receptive, not when he is explosive. It is so odd that my other kids were nothing like this. I have mentioned before that he is Jason's prototype, we joke that the apple did not fall off it is still dangling. He is his father, they butt heads like crazy and I have known Jason since he was 18, I have seen a lot :)

At one of my friend's house (several months ago)he had an episode and it was really mild, trust me, but she basically said that he is not allowed to do that here. Ok, I do my best to ward off unpleasant situations but sometimes I can't stop them. We love these people but have not been back to their house for varying life reasons. The kids come here though to play and it's usually ok, although they have expressed some discontent if/when Jared loses it.

Another friend, who I have only known a few months, has witnessed Jared and it's a completely different reaction. Actually she remains calm and does not judge or react, she also parents more in line with me. I love both of these women and value their friendship but it can make things hairy when Jared is well being Jared.

I think I'll just stop here for now, thanks for reading, caring and any advice :)

Greetings from the sickos...er sickies :)

Where to begin? Well I don't paint beautiful pictures with words like Julie or Laura but I can still be coherent, I think.

I'm not gonna lie it's been a rough week with all the sickness but we still had a great Christmas and we still cooked dinner, roast beef, yummmmmy :) So we didn't frost cookies until yesterday but that was no big deal.

I'm just going to be straight with you guys, I don't even know who reads this besides a handful of people...

I have got some PMS going on, sucks to be sick and extra cranky on top of it. I don't have it as bad as dh, thank God, I have it bad enough though. I have to take care of everyone else and I am run down, I have lost it a few times the past two days. I hate when I lose it because I feel like a loser who can't control herself.

My kids have been bickering, mostly Cassie and Jared and Jared has been pretty sick, he hasn't eaten much and he is coughing and stuffed up BUT he has been unbearable and I have run out of patience. I hate when I get to the end of my patience because then I just bitch, and say things I shouldn't say. I am not proud of this but it happens every month, it just plain SUCKS, hormones SUCK!!!!

I really don't want to be a perfectionist and I didn't think I was one after reading a bit about them. One of my mottos is if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. This does not keep me from doing/living but I have also heard people say I'm gonna do it even if it's wrong, I would just never say something like that.

I take parenting very seriously, so when I lose it, I beat myself up, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy... I apologize to my kids, I apologize to God for losing my temper and screwing up.

I know I'm not perfect but I want to be the best mother I can, I have this image in my mind but when I fall short it is soooo hard to deal... I always tell people to buck up and deal so of course that is the advice my dh gives me :)

The mess is overwhelming and it makes me cranky, dh says get over it would you!!! YES in about a week I'll get over it!!! Why do hormones make everything so much more than it really is???? You have no idea how much I have let go in regards of mess, I used to vacuum everyday, Laura close your eyes you would not handle this well. Now it's like, OK I need to clear this room so I can vacuum the floor, one room at a time.

I can't deny my kids freedom to create and play in every room of the house, what kind of stick in the mud would I be? Oh yeah, I would be me, Miss I wish the house didn't looked lived in, I'm so over that, NOT!

We are who we are, I am me and nothing will change that, I have to adapt and figure out what is important.
I want my kids to learn, grow, explore, play, create and have fun.

At the same time I need something in the house that is clean and uncluttered :)

Kid's perspective

I always love my kid's perspectives :)

Tonight Cassie and I have been talking about all sorts of things. You know Santa, God, Jesus,Christmas, reindeer, who ate the cookies, did santa really come, Adam and Eve, telling the truth, lying and so much more...

She said something that was so interesting I had to write it down.

"I think it's good that Eve ate the apple because otherwise clothes would never have been invented and we would all be going around naked."

There you have it from an 8 year olds perspective.

Something my dad said...

I called my dad tonight to talk and wish him Merry Christmas, we talked for 1 1/2 hours, we haven't spoke since Father's day.

He actually mentioned more than once how he hasn't heard from me in a long time, I did email him a link to pics that he never got

We don't talk much, it's hard, we are soooo different BUT I do try to keep in touch.

He said something that has been bothering me all night, I usually let things roll off my back but this one is sticking.

He said that my kids spend too much time with me and that I need to farm them out.

I just danced around that and really internalized it.
I did NOT have kids to FARM THEM OUT!!!!!! Hello!!!! He is a PS teacher if that helps.

He respects my choices and does not cause trouble but his comments do get to me on occasion.

YA THINK!!!

NO farming out, no Public School, NO shit!!!!!

Ok I feel much better now and my kids are happy :)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all of my blogging buddies!

We are experiencing some viruses here but plan to conquer them, LOL!

Yeah I got it, I was doing so good not getting it, yep, I'm pissed I hate getting sick. It is an invasion of privacy, a personal attack, I hate it, can you tell?!

We are waiting for kids to fall asleep and santa to prevail,we have been watching Norad to check his every move :)

The presents are wrapped, the cookies are baked, not decorated and all is going as well as it can when you get sick :)

I wish you all a Happy Christmas!

You're 31

Considering I am 36 that's not too bad :)

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You should be a doctor

Oh Jenny like I wasn't addicted enough last night! This is funny because Kieran said I can't be a doctor because I don't like the sight of blood. I said true but I can be a Homeopathic Physician, yes I can :)

You Should Be a Doctor

You are practical, sharp, and very intuitive. Optimistic and energetic, you are a problem solver who doesn't get discouraged easily. You are also quite compassionate and caring. You make people feel hopeful. You're highly adaptable and capable. You do well with almost any curve ball life throws at you. You do best when you: - Are always learning new subjects - Use your knowledge to solve problems You would also be a good therapist or detective.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoubewhenyougrowupquiz/">What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Word of the day

I have never heard of this word, I learn something new each day :)

The Word of the Day for December 24 is:
kith \KITH\ noun
: familiar friends, neighbors, or relatives

Example sentence: Andre makes it a point to have at least one barbecue a year at his house in order to stay in touch with his kith and kin.

See a map of "kith" in the Visual Thesaurus.

Did you know?

"Kith" has had many meanings over the years. In its earliest uses it referred to knowledge of something, but that meaning died out in the 1400s. Another sense, "one’s native land," had come and gone by the early 1500s. The sense "friends, fellow countrymen, or neighbors" developed before the 12th century and was sometimes used as a synonym of "kinsfolk." That last sense got "kith" into hot water after people began using the word in the alliterative phrase "kith and kin." Over the years, usage commentators have complained that "kith" means the same thing as "kin," so "kith and kin" is redundant. Clearly, they have overlooked some other historical definitions, but if you want to avoid redundancy charges, be sure to include friends as well as relatives among your "kith and kin."
*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence

Someone STOP me

This is hilarious because my dear husband who is my best friend is an Aries, I'm a Taurus and trust me the bull fits.

Your True Sign Is Aries

Daring Friendly Energetic Risk Taking Dynamic Daredevil Always on an Adventure Without a Care in the World Quick-Witted and Quick-Tempered

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsignwomanareyoureallyquiz/">What Sign Woman Are You, Really?

I am not an Aries but I love one :)

So maybe that is what influenced my results.

Your Christmas Movie

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Christmas Story

Loving, fun, and totally crazy. Don't shoot your eye out!

http://www.blogthings.com/whatmovieisyourchristmasmostlikequiz/">What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

This is funny because I do not care for this movie but hey it fits :)

I do not believe in coincidence

This just hit my inbox and what timing. I just cleaned Cassie's room, let me just say it was unbearable, it gets this way all the time. Everything is dumped out and you can't walk in the room without stepping on something. Yes I clean it when I *need* it clean, she usually starts to help once I get going, trust me I realize this is my issue. Anyway I just cleaned it after it being a disaster for some time, I can let it go a bit... unclench, pull that stick out, splinter by splinter...

OK! It is a complete disaster again, the neighbor kids came over today and that's all she wrote.

Well I admit it makes me cranky, WHY? Because I am pre-menstrual now and have so much to do. Don't I always have so much to do what does being pre-menstrual have to do with it??

Because everything is just worse then, right!?

Presents to wrap, cookies to bake, house to clean, laundry to do, oh and on top of that we have had sickness here this week. Jason got sick Tuesday and it is slowly making it's rounds. I refuse to get it, of course :) I have been taking Oil of Oregano since Friday and praying hard!

I just went to my Homeopath on Saturday and she is prescribing a new remedy for me, we are still looking for my simillimum, this will be the 3rd one I will try. I haven't used it yet because I have been taking Oil of O and just having coffee a few more times.

I have to give up coffee again, I can have it on occasion but not daily. I didn't drink it for a whole year and have just been enjoying it since June, I don't care as long as I get better :)

Enough rambling here is Scott Noelle:


THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: An Unconditional Icebreaker ::

Here's a game you can play the next time you're
bothered about some unwanted behavior or conditions,
especially if you're just beginning to practice the
Art of Unconditionality...

First, step back for a minute or so and imagine having
the conditions exactly as you desire. Imagine it
vividly enough that you activate the *feeling* of
having the desired conditions.

For example, say you're annoyed because your child
made a huge mess in the house, and you don't want to
clean it up. So you close your eyes and imagine the
house in perfect order. You might even amplify the
feeling by imagining that someone *else* did the
cleaning for you -- maybe even your child! :-)

Feeling better? Great! Even if you go back to feeling
annoyed the moment you open your eyes, you've proven
that you don't need the outer conditions to change in
order to feel better. How you feel depends only on how
you focus your thoughts.

Imagine that!

http://www.dailygroove.net/unconditional-icebreaker
Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle
"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"
http://www.ScottNoelle.com
http://www.EnjoyParenting.com

1044 Water Street, Suite 342
Port Townsend, WA 98368
USA
To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:
http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?LIxMLOyctCyMbGwMzKxMtEa0TJxM7IwsLA==

Trying to go to bed early...er

Is an absolutely insane proposal in this house. I have tried in the past to turn us around, just a little earlier. I am a night owl, I don't do mornings, apparantly so are my children.

I mean we unschool, we are free, we can sleep when we want, right!

Just once in awhile we have a thing to do that would make a need for us to get going sooner than usual.

I try once in awhile to go to bed early say around 2am, no I'm not kidding.

Jason says I need to do it every night for several nights, I know he is right but it just doesn't happen.

So.. I have an appointment tomorrow at 2 pm (well today I guess)

I suppose for most people that sounds pretty easy. I am sitting here blogging at 3:30am which is pretty typical and I just put Cassie to bed. She is so much like me in the sleeping department, it will be no easy task to wake her by noon. I don't sleep more than a few hours at a time so I can get up, doesn't mean I want to or am rested just means I can.

I don't believe in forcing bedtimes(duh) we never do things in the morning and that is by my choice. Hallelujah, I finally have a choice! All of those years being forced to get up for school even though I just went to sleep totally sucked. My nighttime habits have not changed, even when I went to school, I was sent to bed but did not fall asleep until the middle of the night.

Even on the nights I go to bed at 1am I'm not asleep until 4 am and then I wonder why the hell I went to bed in the first place.

Sheesh!

Well I'll quit blabbering so I can go to bed.

Low maintenance

LOL! Like I said in the meme awhile back I only need a few things to keep me happy. But I do NEED them :)

Saw this quiz at Zenmommas so I just had to take it :)

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeegirlareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

The #1 song the day you were born

This is neat, I saw Sheryl post it at Unschooling Resources.

http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm



My song is Joy to the World by Three Dog Night. My birthday is May 18, 1971.

Siblings

What to do about the fighting? I mean one minute they play together and are the best of friends the next minute is fighting and name calling.

I look back at my own childhood and I see the same thing, we fought and argued but then we stood up and protected each other.

Some people say we never blog about anything negative, well how fun is that? But there is reality and it seems no matter how hard I try my kids argue and call each other names and sometimes hit/kick.

I just had to referree an incident between Cassie and Jared and I'm worn out. I feel like a broken record some days. I know they do hear me because the fruits show up later it's just during the process that it's difficult to see sustained progress.

Actually Cassie and Jared have also been playing a lot together lately and getting along, all it takes is one stupid thing to set it off.

Here's something cute, last week when Cassie was at Girl Scouts, Jared came to me and said, *Mom, this is so stupid...I miss Cassie*

So there you have it the love/hate relationship of siblings.

As Jason would say they love to hate each other.

I know it's a process of growing and learning and developing, I give my input and I pray that they will learn how to get along. They do for the most part, I guess it's in these moments of turmoil it seems to fall on deaf ears. They show me time and again that they are listening and processing the information, it's just not in my time frame.

But then not much is in *my time frame* LOL!

Live and Learn, gotta love it, the journey is priceless.

Laying the foundation of Trust

These thoughts are spurred from Kelly Lovejoy's article that I thought was great, then I passed it on to RCU and it took on many rabbit trails.

Our kids trust us to tell them the truth, they look to us for guidance or reassurance, they need to know that we are honest and forthcoming with them.

I used the analogy of hot as in the stove is hot, many parents say hot, don't touch. I didn't do that when I was cooking I would tell my child that the oven was hot and then I would hold their hand close enough for them to feel the heat radiating from it. They need to know what hot means and if you just tell them not to touch it because it is hot and they touch it anyway and find out it is cold then they will have a hard time believing you in the future.

This can set up an adversarial relationship right from the start. I want my kids to trust me, I always tell them the truth and they know that and they believe me when I tell them something.

I remember when my kids were babies and there was this guy, Ferber, who came up with a method to get babies to sleep. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it, let them cry it out and they will sleep on their own. Can you imagine how the baby felt, their only means of communication is crying and the parent just leaves them to cry for 15 minute intervals or whatever it was. Sure eventually they may stop, they will also realize that they can't count on the person who is supposed to be there for them. You may think babies don't remember but I think they internalize things like that. I was a colicky baby(surprised) my parents tried everything they could to help me, but when I got a little older my mother let me scream in my room.

She told me I was so stubborn that I would cry for 3 hours before falling asleep in the doorway.

Wow, something is wrong with that and I'm not going there. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had and I have forgiven them and vowed NOT to repeat it.

Back to trust, it is so important that our kids really trust us. I also want my kids to question things and think for themselves, I do not want them to be mindlessly compliant, obedient drones, which is really good because they aren't :)

It seems they all have a bit of their mother in them.

I have left this post so many times that I have lost my train of thought.

It's just not wise to spout off everything they can't do, you know forbidden fruit looks really sweet. We talk about things all the time, I do not forbid anything, I want to continue laying the foundation as we head into the teen years. Trust and respect are the key to every relationship that is important to us.

Grammar

I'm LOL, I could spend some time at those blog things, oh wait I have :) I saw this one at Stace's blog and decided to try it. I am a little bit of a pain when it comes to proper English, just ask my family, but who knew I was right.

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

http://www.blogthings.com/theitsitstheretheirtheyrequiz/">The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

Giving and receiving

They say (whoever *they* are) that it is better to give then to receive. I understand the concept but that doesn't make the one on the receiving end feel that great. We all give and we all receive one is not better then the other.

We have been in a position many times that we have been on the receiving end. I posted just a couple months ago how we just made it through a very tough time. We have been talking about being sick of being on the receiving end and hoping that soon we will have the ability to give.

Giving comes in many forms, it's not just monetary, it can be giving time or service as well. In those times that we know someone in need and aren't able to do anything physical we can always pray that God will provide someone who can help.

I have also realized that when someone gives we aren't supposed to pay them back. You know the feeling you have if someone gives you money or helps you out in some way, you want to pay them back. I think that instead we need to pay it forward, we need to help another in their time of need.

Of course we are thankful to those that help us but we shouldn't feel obligated. I believe it is best to give from the heart without ulterior motives or strings attached. God loves a cheerful giver.

It is hard not to feel like we owe them but I believe it is part of the giving and receiving process. One gives then another then another and so many people get help when needed because one person stepped out. I do believe that what comes around goes around and I believe that everything has a purpose.

The giver and receiver are both blessed and are able to keep the process going. If you look back over times of hardship or abundance I believe that you will see where the giving and receiving happened.

The Lord has layed it heavy on my heart tonight, we are blessed to give and to receive.

Parenting from the kid's perspective

You know it is so easy to parent from the parent's perspective, piece of cake... Do what I say, not as I do, sit down, shut up, brush your teeth. clean your room, do your school work, go to bed.

If you don't listen then I'll take away your games and toys and make your life miserable. Gross exaggeration, maybe but there is a lot of truth and reality in that. We can be selfish and rude and never be called on it, what a shame to parent like that.

When you parent from the kid's perspective you try to understand, you try to listen, you try to come to conclusions and find answers. You answer why, how, what and who, you listen and you try to help the child understand their world. You aren't the bad guy you are the helper, the listener, the person to let it all out on, the safe place to be.

You may wonder what prompted this, well many things in my daily life :)

Tonight while I was in the tub, Jared came in totally pissed off. He was complaining and he dumped out the toy bucket and pulled the towels off the rack as he made his way to me. He was telling me that he was mad because he was trying to make a go cart out of legos and it wasn't working. I told him I was sorry but that was all I said (this time) he continued on and said it was all stupid and he hated everything(his usual response). I just listened unfortunately I am known to give advice or opinion or talk him through it when he doesn't want to hear it. For example when he is mad and he yells SHUT UP don't talk to me, he means it... When I don't talk he calms down and then we can talk.

Tonight I didn't talk, I listened, what a concept, one I'm learning as I go. He quickly turned his mood around and talked himself right out of it. I was like, WOW, I should just listen more often :)

My personality is the type that solves and talks and advises but I know sometimes I need to shut up and listen.

Why are there *frustrated homeschoolers*

I have thought of a few scenarios in my head and thought of things I've heard homeschoolers say and things they have written online.



When someone is frustrated because it's not going the way they envisioned, you know with children sitting at the table happily following the curriculum with smiles on their faces, oh please mom can we do more...



When reality sets in and the mom is forcing, bribing, coercing and punishing the child because the child does not want to sit there and fill out worksheets or write a report.



They want to PLAY PLAY PLAY, that's what kids do, that's how kids learn, they imagine, create, explore, build, research, draw, ask, tell, act, be, do, live, laugh,PLAY, did I say PLAY...



I realize that many people will never unschool, there is a broad range of methods between school at home and unschooling, I won't go into them all that is not my purpose. My purpose is to let people know that they don't have to follow a scope and sequence, what your child needs to know, or any curriculum made by people who don't really know how children learn.



My first question to you would be *WHY*, why are you forcing a situation, why do you homeschool in the first place. Do you want your child to be whining and balking and resisting you at every turn? Do you want to live like that? Do you want an adversarial relationship with your children or does partnership sound better?



Do you have some kind of notion that your child SHOULD know ____ at a certain age? Do you really think you are teaching your child to read?



Think back to when they were babies, they were born with an innate desire to learn, they are curious little people. Remember when they started to walk?



Do you really think you taught them?



You did not teach your child to walk, you provided an environment conducive to learning . You have furniture, they pull themselves up, they cruise and one day they keep going. Sure you might have facilitated, and encouraged and even held their hand but you did NOT teach them how to walk.



Follow that through every stage of their life, you were there lending a hand, offering advice, observing and facilitating until one day they turned 5 and you flipped out.



It's time for school, we must be doing this and that we can't just play and have fun like we used to. They have to learn how to read, write, add, subtract, times tables, write essays, read a map, know the states and capitals, write cursive, spell, diagram a sentence and all that other stuff that schools make kids do. Memorize and regurgitate, take a test and forget. Why do they have to review every year, why do they have to review every Monday?



Many of those kids are not really learning, they are just going through the motions and memorizing. I believe that homeschooling (school at home)can do the same thing, why copy a model that doesn't work? WHY?????? That is the million dollar question that only you can answer.



When people truly learn, they remember, it has a purpose, that is why they learned it in the first place. There has to be a want, need and desire to learn, it has to be intrinsically motivated, external motivation produces short term results but it's not authentic learning.



Some people want to show off what their kids know, that is sad but I've seen it, so they push them and expect them to demonstrate on demand. Like it's a contest to show others up or to show the school system that they can do it better all the while their kid is suffering inside.



Learning is not a race, it's not a contest, everyone learns at their own rate and in their own way. From birth there are *milestones* but there is an average due to the fact that not every baby peforms at the same rate.



For example, my son Brennan walked when he was 7 months and 3 weeks old. I know it sounds unbelievable but it's true and in the next week of his life he could walk all over the house batting a lego around with a rattle. He is very athletic and agile and he was ready to walk. People would say things like that's not good for his legs or something stupid. Um I didn't make him walk he had a need, he did it himself, I watched. This same child didn't talk until he was 2 and at age 9 has just started to read. That is his timetable and nobody has the right to stifle that or interefere with the learning process.

In my opinion, there is no reason to be frustrated, there is no reason to force learning. We all need to deschool, deprogram,detox from the very system that we are trying to get away from.

So many people quit homeschooling due to frustration because they can't teach their own kid so they send them away to be taught by someone else. What a waste of precious time with your child, what a waste of childhood to spend it in a classroom.

Relax, let go and really get to know how your kids learn, watch them, help them, facilitate and enjoy the process.

December 11

Today was warm and wonderful, the kids played outside and wore shorts. We have had our windows open for the past 4 days, all night even. I am really enjoying our weather, I know the cold is coming, well it won't be anything like up North but it is cold nonetheless.

So many states are experiencing ice storms and power outages and snow that it just reminds me of how thankful I am that we moved :)

Why don't you work?

My 5 yr old neighbor asked me today.

I stay home and take care of my kids, I don't leave them with a babysitter.

Why don't you get a babysitter? Why don't you send your kids to school?

My mom likes to work...she quit her other job but she likes her new one.

I told her that I'm not sure how to explain it to her that I choose not to work, I choose to stay home and I choose not to send my kids to school.

Today they were faced with getting off the school bus to no parents home, AGAIN! It is probably a God send that I don't have a car right now because what would happen to these kids if I wasn't home...

They are having scheduling issues, I did tell their dad that I would rather they come to my house then be home alone. The thing is I never know what day that will be...

It's a good thing that I care... It's a God thing!

Part of my gift to others, I am good at taking care of kids and don't usually mind, I always have extra kids here.

Cherry Mistmas

While I ponder my frustrated homeschooler post I'd thought I would share this. It cracks me up so much, I hope you enjoy it :)


Try this cake recipe for the upcoming holidays!

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup of brown sugar

lemon juice

4 large eggs

nuts

1 bottle Vodka

2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar.

Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup .... just in case

Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!!

Seinfeld

Much ado about nothing, Seinfeld was a very successful show about NOTHING.

So I had many rambly thoughts while I soaked in the hot bathtub sipping my wine. Of course most of them go down the drain, I need a waterproof laptop :)

I was tagged for a meme about a week in review. This past week is not the best one for me to talk about because I spent it in severe pain. I have had monthly problems since my first period when I was 12, who knew it would be a lifelong pain, pun intended.

I look at my kids and I am so thankful and blessed, I begged the doctors to give me a hysterectomy when I was 19 because I was so sick of the pain. I had endometriosis, I ended up in the ER a lot, they gave me a shot of demerol and sent me home. I went through 2 rounds of Lupron, it basically puts you into pseudo-menopause, yes with all the perks of mood swings and night sweats in my early 20's.

I never had to try to NOT get pregnant, it used to be a joke because I had to try TO get pregnant. Kieran was conceived by fertility drugs and Brennan was by temp and time, the dr said I had a 24 hour window a month to get pregnant. Jason used to joke about punching the time clock :) Here's the kicker, Cassie was conceived while I was breastfeeding Brenny, go figure! My 3 boys were planned but my Cassie was a surprise, my little princess, she fills the role just right.

So while I was in pain all week and trying to muddle through my kids didn't skip a beat. My boys even did the dishes for me one day before I got up. You see when kids have never been schooled, life is learning and learning is life. They spent time reading, playing, drawing, painting, building, asking, telling, spelling, writing, wrestling, and just being their usual selves.

For those who don't unschool... actually I don't think anyone reads here who isn't an unschooler but just in case...

They did math, history, geography, science, launguage arts, foreign language, art, cooking, home ec, shop, economics, spelling, reading, writing, heck who knows what else because I never break learning down into subjects.

We have a big kids atlas and Jared has been looking at it lately, it has the flags of all the countries on it. He has been drawing the flags and asking me what country it was. One flag he drew was Togo, I have heard of it but didn't know where it was. I had to google it, I asked Kieran and he knew it was a country in Africa. Whenever I have a history or geography question, I ask Kieran, he knows 95% of the time. Last year I asked him the question that the geography bee winner answered, he figured it out, I had no clue.

I am not a happy product of public schooling, I do know that I hated being forced to memorize and regurgitate. The thing is though that I passed the test and promptly forgot the information. My kids learn and learn for real, they have a want, need, desire or interest to follow and they fulfill it. Unschooling is so awesome and wonderful and when you really observe the learning and facilitate when necessary then you know what I'm talking about.

I can't begin to explain what and how my kids learn, they just do despite whatever is going on they still keep on learning and growing. They aren't stifled, they aren't used to be told that it's math time or art time or whatever time they just do it, live it, breathe it and retain it.

We have only had one car this past year so our daily outings haven't happened, so we couldn't get together with other homeschoolers. Who wants to do that anyway, I have no desire to listen to mom talk about how she can't get Johnny to sit down and do math... So how do you do it? Nope not interested, because I will not tell you what you want to hear.

So we have our friends come to our house and we do stuff on evenings and weekends. It doesn't matter, it's just a season of life, but the learning happens and you can't stop it! You could interfere and really mess things up but if you really and truly get it and see it and live it, you will not be disappointed or discouraged.

Want to know how I really feel, just ask me, I'll tell you.

Ok I'll play

What is your Grinch name?

Mine is Testytroll Rottennose, LOL! That's pretty fitting :)

Thanks Sarah

Friends

I am enjoying getting to know many women in my online contacts.

I have never been the social one or needed a lot of friends, especially women, LOL!

In highschool I had 3 girlfriends, they were all different and they were not friends with each other, they were acqainted only becuase of me.

As I got older and moved I really didn't have any true friend's, just lots of casual friends and acquaintences. All of those years in church didn't produce any real friends either.

In PA, I joined a home ed group and met other mothers but didn't see them outside of the monthly meeting, well except one, we did get a little closer because my dd and hers were friends. She was also relaxed and liked to hear me talk about unschooling.

Then I met someone and we clicked and it felt great to be friends, I mean the come over and hang out and chat kind of friend.

Recently I made another true friend, we hit it off and so did our kids. So I have 2 real friends that I can talk to and hang out with. Except for Jason he was and is and always will be my very best friend. I was talking about women though, I have always had tons of male friends, they are so much easier and a lot less maintenance. Actually this is kind of funny because Jason has always had lots of women friends, he has a few close guy friends but the women love him, always have :)

I have casual friends, I'm not really needy and I don't want one that I have to work hard at. If we get along that's great but if we don't I'm not forcing it. You know the kind of people you meet and it's a chore just for conversion to flow, I have met some moms like that at homeschool groups.

This brings me to my online friends, so many of you are becoming a part of my life. I look forward to checking blogs and emails to see what you are doing. I love the comments that are left for me and I try to comment on your blog so you know I was there.

I feel blessed to have so many friends, it happened without really trying hard, some of us connect at different levels and some of us are casual.

I hope to continue to get to know you and I look forward to meeting new friends as my online community grows.

Oh the joys...

Of public school friends. I am aware of things that kids learn in school and I'm not talking about math. We have always had things come up that my kids picked up from their PS friends.

Tonight we had a good conversation. Cassie told me that W and J told her that the middle finger means the *F* word, I said oh no not THAT word, LOL! My kids know what I mean and now you do too :) On that note Jason told me that he couldn't believe I wrote that word :)

So we discussed the finger, the bird, the offensive nature and what it means. I just don't know what an 8 and 5 yr old are doing talking about it...

This led to Cassie and I talking about other important things as well. I told her that I was glad she came to me and that she can tell me anything. It is so important to establish open lines of communication when they are young so it carries on in the teen years. That is my goal anyway, my kids know they can tell me anything without getting in trouble.

Thinking...coming to conclusions

Yesterday Kieran and I were talking and he told me about this email he got about a movie coming out that was *anti-Christ*

I knew immediately what he was talking about because it was all over the yahoo groups and my personal email. I don't want to give the guy anymore free press, he got plenty by getting some uptight fundamentalists panties in a wad.

This led to us talking about thinking for ourselves and reaching our own conclusions. We talked about how it's good to ask others what they think about it and do the research ourselves.

I told him that asking me is a great start, and asking his dad, and go from there. I told him that I have very strong opinions on some things(surprise) and other things don't matter to me as much.

I also told him that as he grows and forms his own opinions whether political or otherwise, we won't always agree. I wanted him to know it's ok to disagree with me and it's good if we can discuss our differences and why we believe something.

I do not take anything at face value especially email hype about a book or movie.

It is so important to think for ourselves and know how to learn in order to make decisions based on facts not hype or popular opinion.

Words

Words are just words until they mean something to someone. We can get so hyped up over bad, cuss, swear, foul words, what do you call it?

It's really interesting when you think about what different words mean to different people. Some words also have different meanings here in the US than in other countries.

Several years ago my everyday language consisted of many words that could be dubbed *swear* words. Then I became *holier than thou*, remember that post... I didn't even swear for ten years, man that was hard, LOL! You can bet I looked down my nose at others who did, especially *christians*

I have gone back to my roots in so many ways, this is just one more. I'm not saying that I walk around swearing every other word but I do use words when appropriate and yes sometimes it's *appropriate*

My son has given me a PG-13 rating with the occasional R thrown in, one day I was so pissed after talking to some *idiot* on the phone that had no brain, I told Kieran to plug his ears cause I was gonna blow!!! LOL! He laughed at me and he plugged his ears, too funny.

I don't know about you but to me the *F* word is ...

ready...

I can't believe I'm writing this...

it's FART.

Oh my gosh I wrote it, that word is FOUL to me!

Yea I know you are laughing, it's ok, really, I can handle it.

Needs and desires

This is so true, I have come to realize that I am the one who NEEDS something done, not the kids. I am learning how to convey my needs so that it doesn't infringe on my children. For example: sometimes I need quiet, I need the mess picked up, I need to take a hot bath, sometimes I don't want to do anything for anybody...

Oh wait that would be now. I have been having some swirly hormones the past 2 days and now it's come to fruition and I am in PAIN and cranky and I need to sit in the tub and drink wine (Oh that's nothing new), pain management here, LOL!

We (I) need to differentiate between MY needs and the kids needs and figure out how to communicate effectively. Usually I just do everything without complaining but for a few days a month, I complain... damnit! Hey, I'm human and I'm working on getting over myself :)

I was short with my extra kids today too, well gee she just came in and made messes everywhere. My kids do it but they are MY kids, although I pretty much feel like these other ones are mine too. I feel so bad when I bitch, yikes... bitch, bitch, bitch... I'll be better in a day or two :)


THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noellewww.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove::

Needs and Desires, Part 1 ::

Parents commonly say things like, "You need to put your toys away and get ready for bed."Such statements put kids in a double bind if they don't *feel* like complying.

Who should they believe, their parents or their own feelings? It's a loss either way."You NEED to" is really a euphemism for "you HAVE to." It's a way of cloaking coercion. If you don't intend to give your child a choice, be honest and state your command *as* a command:

"Put your toys away and get ready for bed." If that feels rude, maybe your feelings are trying to tell you something. :-)

You may realize that the real issue is *your* needs. That would be a step in the right direction, but don't stop there... A shift in focus from needs to
desires is the key that will unlock your creativity.


(Tomorrow: Part 2)http://dailygroove.net/needs-desires

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"http://www.ScottNoelle.comhttp://www.EnjoyParenting.com 1044 Water Street, Suite 342Port Townsend, WA 98368USATo unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?LIxMLOyctCyMbGwMzKxM

Woodworking

What to do with blocks of wood? Make a sniper rifle, of course. He isn't finished yet, he plans on painting it and modifying it, so this is the beginning.

Small rant... You see all of these news stories about kids and guns, I saw one where a 6 yr old got suspended for drawing a stick figure with a gun.

My gosh because that is soooo threatening. My boy here has many drawings of guns, he is very interested in war history and he knows his stuff.

No threat just interests and learning going on here :)

Profile picture (opinions please)

There is story here :)

What should be a simple task turned into an ordeal, all I wanted was a little head shot for my profile pic. I asked Kieran to take a picture of me, something was wrong with the camera and they were ALL blurry.

We tried fixing it but just couldn't get it right, he started rolling his eyes and acting like I was torturing him. So after Jason got home he fixed the settings and took several pictures of me, we found it was better if I didn't know he was taking it. We got some really goofy shots, let me tell you.

I really don't like any pictures of me, so I'm asking for your opinion, these are a few of the better shots. This has nothing to do with vanity, I told Jason that what I see in the mirror and what I look like on camera are not the same. I don't really like what the camera does to me :)

I do like one of these shots but I won't tell you which one.
If you feel so inclined to give your opinion I would appreciate it. If not I'll figure it out, LOL!

Unschooling through the ages

This is for Unschooling Voices issue 11

Unschooling through the ages: How, if at all, does unschooling look different as your child ages and grows. Is it different now than it was a few years back? What role does age play in unschooling?

I have been thinking about this probably a little too hard which makes it more difficult to articulate.

I have 4 kids, ages 12 1/2, 9 1/2, 8 and 5 1/2.

We have been living and learning without the confines of school since birth.

I actually find that with the younger kids my role is more hands on, there is a constant question and answer dialogue going on. They need more undivided attention, which is hard to do with 4 kids anyway. I have just found a way to be with all of them at various times and helping them with whatever it is they need. With different ages they are all into different things, their interests vary but rarely are they all interested in the same thing at the same time.

As they grow they are more independent learners. My oldest just does the research himself and rarely asks me for help. He will still come to me on occasion but not like when he was younger. I believe it's because he knows how to learn and how to think because it's been fostered in him and nothing has been force fed. He doesn't look to me to tell him what to do he looks to me for support and guidance .

My middle children are right in between these two with doing things independently and asking me how and for help as needed.

It will be interesting to see how they continue to learn and develop as they reach the teen years, which isn't far off for my oldest.

My role as facilitator is to observe my children, to know when to step in and when to stay out of their way. I do not want to hinder the learning process, I want to nurture it and watch it flourish.

Images of me

I saw this meme at Zenmommas but I had some technical difficulty and today saw it at Deanne's blog, she helped me out. The idea is to type in your answer to the questions into google search and pick an image from the first page.

1. Age at your next birthday: 37
2. Places I'd like to travel: Tuscany Italy

3. Favorite place to be: bathtub

4. Favorite object: computer

5. Favorite food: organic dark chocolate

6. Favorite animal: Elephant

7. Favorite color: red

8. nicknames: Stephie, Robin I have so many I picked two

9. Town where I was born: Lewiston, NY, this is Artpark a place I remember going to as a child

Sorry about the double photo, I'm still technologically a newbie :)

10. A bad habit I have ... I finish people's sentences

Tag your it! Have fun :)

Cutting the cord

When I became a mom 12 1/2 years ago, I couldn't imagine leaving my baby with anyone. I couldn't even put him in another room to sleep, so he slept with me. Now that also spiraled into all of the babies sleeping with us, it has been a wonderful experience of bonding with babies.

I could literally count the amount of times that I have left my kids with someone in the past 12 years, so that should tell you it isn't a high number.

I never understood how some parents just handed them off to someone else. You could say it's the same way that I do not understand how parents send their kids to school. Personally I did not have kids to send them away to be raised by someone else. If I wasn't going to do it then I would not have had kids. That sounds harsh, I know and it's the truth. I'm talking about my intentions before I became a parent. I'm not talking about some life circumstances that may cause you to do something different for a period of time.

I'm swaying.... the point of this post is about how attached my kids were to me. When Brenny was younger he never left my side wherever we went, I used to joke a bit about him not cutting the cord yet.

The older kids are fine without me now, they can go to a friend's house or go do something with a friend without me present. Cassie goes to Brownies , my friend takes her because I don't have a car right now, she does great and has fun.

Jared is my purpose for these thoughts, he is almost 5 1/2 and I can not leave his sight. He has to go everywhere with me, I have not gone to the store by myself in a looong time.

He is constantly talking to me and asking me questions, it's a little hard at times when my attention needs to go elsewhere.

I can hardly take a shower without his approval, I mean he has to have milk, and then he is hungry and then he wants a toy... It's like he is afraid I'll be gone a while and wants to get everything he thinks he'll need. I'm not really sure but I do know the he would never let me drop him off somewhere. I can't even leave him with Jason while I go shopping, no way no how, one day last year I tried it and Jason said he was running down the street after me. Oh my gosh, I just have to wait until he is ready. He has stayed in the *baby stage* longer than the rest and I believe it's because there aren't any more babies after him.

Imaging the sheer terror he would experience if I sent him to daycare or school. I just can't get over the damage that would cause, you see those little ones screaming all day for their mommy, they feel abandoned for sure.

I suppose what I did/do is called attachment parenting, I always called it common sense before I heard the term. I do definitely see detachment parenting so I suppose the term makes sense.

So listen to those babies, feed them when they are hungry, hold them as much as possible, sleep with them, talk with them, play with them,enjoy them, they grow up way TOO fast!

If you lay the foundation of trust and respect it fosters a good relationship with them as they grow.

Why?

We need to examine why we say what we say especially to our children.

Why is our first reaction, no.

When the child wants to do something messy like play-doh, painting, crafts, putting barbies in the sink full of water, playing in the mud and on and on.

I realize that it's the process that is important and to look beyond the result which is usually a mess.

There is a little girl who comes here often and each time she is here she wants to paint or play with play-doh. Last time she did that plus got out the puzzles, she left quite a mess for me...

I have a feeling that she isn't allowed to do that stuff at home.

Why are so many afraid of letting kids play and be kids? That includes playing in the rain and the mud. Guess what? Kids and clothes are washable, no really they are.

Sometimes I get that first reaction of not wanting my kid to do something because I may not be in the mood but I get over it when I see the fun they are having.

Traditional parenting rears it's ugly head in so many homes, so many kids aren't allowed to play in the rain, or play in the sink or paint or create and just be a kid.

Why can't they have a cookie BEFORE dinner?

Who made that a law?

Why do they have to go to bed at 9:00pm even if they aren't tired? My mother has told me time and again that she had to go to bed at 7:00pm each night. PHOOEY!!!!

I vow that my kids CAN be kids, they can play and laugh and create and get wet and muddy and imagine all they want.

Loosen up just a little and when your kids cover the kitchen in flour or come in covered in mud from head to toe, take a picture :)

Have fun with them and watching them, let your kids have fun!

No bedtimes!?

This is always a hot topic, not as hot as video games but popular nonetheless.

It has been brought up twice this week on christian unschooling basics, I did reply once but I find I'm much better at blogging because then it's not personal, it's just my opinion, my perspective, my experience.

Technically my kids have never had bedtimes, I breastfed and co-slept and moved them on to their own bed when the next baby came. We just slept when we were tired, while nursing or whatever. I am a night person I always have been, my kids are pretty much night people but my oldest is a little earlier than the rest.

We did have a period of time when our routine would end up sending the big boys to bed around 10pm, we never thought anything of it. One day Kieran asked me why he had to go to bed but his little sister didn't. Light bulb moment! She just naturally was running around at midnight :)

I had already been on unschooling groups and read many posts and said well you don't HAVE TO go bed if you aren't ready.

At first they pushed themselves, later and later each night, Jason did get a little annoyed, but I asked him to trust the process. I am blessed with a husband who trusts me and gives me lots of leeway with the kids.

They ended up tapering off after several weeks and started to go to bed anywhere between 10pm and 1am. Cassie and Jared were still up later but the difference was they decided when to go to bed, not me.

Although now my kids are up half the night, it ebbs and flows and times do vary but now it's more like between 1 and 4 am but they are older now, 12,9,8,5.

They go to bed when they are ready plain and simple.

My husband has to get up at 6am to go to work, he goes to bed anywhere from 10pm to 1am usually an average is midnight. The kids know that whenever daddy goes to bed it's quiet time, sometimes they get too loud but most of the time they do pretty good.

We don't believe that everyone should go to sleep and wake up at the same time, nor be hungry at the same time nor go to the bathroom at the same time, see where I'm going?

We all have our own schedules and routines and nobody should make us something we're not.
My husband has no problem getting up in the morning, I do, I am physically unable to get up in the morning but when I did work I worked swing shift.

Don't let any naysayer tell you that your kids will never learn how to get up and go to work, that's a bunch of BS. If they don't do mornings who the hell cares the world revolves around a 24 hour time period each day, thank God for that. I spent my years getting up early and being miserable, I was exhausted and suffered migraines. Just because I had to go to bed did not mean I went to sleep and then I had to get up for school, oh the absolute misery.

I will not make my kids go to bed or make them get up for anything, especially school. If we learn to listen to our bodies and find the natural rhythm early on we will be so much better off in the long run.

This is not say they they don't get up to go places that they WANT to go because they do. The point is thay are in control of their own bodies, they know when they are tired.

If you are just lifting a restriction, I would do it gradually, a little more yeses each night until they are the ones putting themselves to bed. My kids tell me they are going to bed.

I realize that many people will never do what I do, I mean the whole damn package, it's not easy to get over the engrained shit BUT it is so worth it. Let go, move on, embrace your life right this moment and don't listen to people who tell you it can't be done.

"In a nutshell, people whose lives are hard, boring, painful, meaningless—people who suffer—tend to resent those who seem to suffer less than they do, and will make them suffer if they can. People who feel themselves in chains, with no hope of ever getting them off, want to put chains on everyone else." —John Holt, Teach Your Own, Introduction.

Lego Baseball

What to do on a rainy day?

Bat legos around...