Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Cutting the cord

When I became a mom 12 1/2 years ago, I couldn't imagine leaving my baby with anyone. I couldn't even put him in another room to sleep, so he slept with me. Now that also spiraled into all of the babies sleeping with us, it has been a wonderful experience of bonding with babies.

I could literally count the amount of times that I have left my kids with someone in the past 12 years, so that should tell you it isn't a high number.

I never understood how some parents just handed them off to someone else. You could say it's the same way that I do not understand how parents send their kids to school. Personally I did not have kids to send them away to be raised by someone else. If I wasn't going to do it then I would not have had kids. That sounds harsh, I know and it's the truth. I'm talking about my intentions before I became a parent. I'm not talking about some life circumstances that may cause you to do something different for a period of time.

I'm swaying.... the point of this post is about how attached my kids were to me. When Brenny was younger he never left my side wherever we went, I used to joke a bit about him not cutting the cord yet.

The older kids are fine without me now, they can go to a friend's house or go do something with a friend without me present. Cassie goes to Brownies , my friend takes her because I don't have a car right now, she does great and has fun.

Jared is my purpose for these thoughts, he is almost 5 1/2 and I can not leave his sight. He has to go everywhere with me, I have not gone to the store by myself in a looong time.

He is constantly talking to me and asking me questions, it's a little hard at times when my attention needs to go elsewhere.

I can hardly take a shower without his approval, I mean he has to have milk, and then he is hungry and then he wants a toy... It's like he is afraid I'll be gone a while and wants to get everything he thinks he'll need. I'm not really sure but I do know the he would never let me drop him off somewhere. I can't even leave him with Jason while I go shopping, no way no how, one day last year I tried it and Jason said he was running down the street after me. Oh my gosh, I just have to wait until he is ready. He has stayed in the *baby stage* longer than the rest and I believe it's because there aren't any more babies after him.

Imaging the sheer terror he would experience if I sent him to daycare or school. I just can't get over the damage that would cause, you see those little ones screaming all day for their mommy, they feel abandoned for sure.

I suppose what I did/do is called attachment parenting, I always called it common sense before I heard the term. I do definitely see detachment parenting so I suppose the term makes sense.

So listen to those babies, feed them when they are hungry, hold them as much as possible, sleep with them, talk with them, play with them,enjoy them, they grow up way TOO fast!

If you lay the foundation of trust and respect it fosters a good relationship with them as they grow.


Anonymous said...

We are chastised by having all our kids sleeping with us even now. I joke about clearing their bedrooms out and turning them into my craft rooms.

I think people make parental choices based on personal experiences how they were raised and stay in their "comfort" zones. I sympathize and even understand his/her thought process. I don't try to convert them or carry a debate on our differences but live the "GOOD LIFE" we perceive and evolve.

Anonymous said...

Loved your post! I too attachment style parent. It IS common sense! My son slept with us till he was seven, he is now 12. My daughter till she was 5 1/2. I just love where you are coming from. Your youngest will indeed find his independance when HE is ready. Elephants are my favorite too! :-) Helen In Reno

piscesgrrl said...

I have a child like this. He's 15 now and *still* needs to know I'm going to be where I say I'll be, pick him up when I say I'll pick him up, etc. When he was younger, about your child's age, he could barely let me go to the bathroom without him. Unfortunately, I'd sent him to preschool and kindergarten and I believe that's where it came from.

When I quit teaching and he quit kindergarten, the **special ed** teacher asked if I was going to work on his fear and I said yes. I meant by proving to him I'd never leave him. She meant by forcing him to be without me for short periods of time and then increasing the time until he got used to it or hated me for life, whichever came first.


Love that kid!!