Thursday, November 15, 2007

Logic vs. Emotion

One of the hardest parts of parenting for me is dealing with my kids emotions. I am a logical person, when something happens I offer solutions, I try to problem solve or sometimes I just plain think that they are really being overly dramatic about something so simple. I realize that kids feel differently, they process information differently, they are emotional about things that I think aren't worth being emotional over.

Cassie is my only girl, she is full of emotions, I have struggled with relating to her and being what she needs since she was born, actually Jason is much better with Cass than I am. Brenny is very emotional and he gets upset and flips out and I just don't get it. Real example, tonight he was upset because Kieran said he would help him do something on Runescape and when he called for his help he was sleeping. I told Brenny that it was 2:00 am and he fell asleep and that he can help you tomorrow. NO that isn't possible! He cried and jumped up and down in the chair and banged on the desk. I realize that it was important for him but I don't understand how he doesn't get it that it's late and his brother went to bed.
Things like that happen often and I just explain the facts and expect him to move on, but it isn't that easy for him.

Kieran being 12 and all is experiencing some hormonal fluctuations :)

Jared is so intense all the time that I spend most of my time helping him to understand and handle everything that happens.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not helping my other kids with their situations because I have so much invested in Jared.

I truly struggle in this area, sometimes I wonder if we are all born with feelings and emotions and that we get shaped by our environment. We could just be born logical too, I'm not saying there is one without the other, I do feel, I do experience emotions but I am truly a logical thinker and emotions aren't always first on my plate.

As a child and teen I literally shut my emotions off so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I can get that back, I do feel, it usually erupts out of sheer frustration or to a point where I just break down and lose it though. I mean there must be a healthy way to deal with emotions, feelings and frustrations in a logical way, right??? LOL!

I'm me and my kids are who they are, we are all different, I love them so much and I just want to be the mom they need me to be.

I realized tonight after my bath that maybe Brenny just needed a hug. This touchy feely stuff is hard for me but I know that sometimes Cassie just wants a hug and validation.
I'm working on it...


justjuls said...

I understand where you are - I have two girls who have PMS at different times.
This was a good story though - sometimes emotions can't be reasoned with - they just have to come out - anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and the PMS cocktail of all of the above!!!
The thing is that while we let our kids live in freedom - we also have to help them learn to respect the freedoms others - in this case Kieran's freedom to sleep!

Don't be too hard on yourself - praying you find a way to relate better since it seems you want to do that - and that you'll find a way to grow past the placed where the growing got stunted.

Grace Walker said...

I can relate to this is many ways. There are times when I get into what Heather calls "therapist mode" with her in conversations, when what she really needs from me in that moment is a gentle touch or hug....ugh, missed it again! I'm working on this too.

Erica said...

I relate to when you said you shut off your feelings in your teens so that you would not get hurt. I also did this. Seems much harder to get the feelings back then it was to shut them off. I also struggle with stuffing the feelings that I am starting to experience because it makes me feel uncomfortable.

piscesgrrl said...

Perhaps also talking with Kieran and suggesting that next time, when he realizes he might be getting sleepy, could he give little brother a heads up that if he wants help, now's the time because he's growing tired? The older child might be able to help navigate this better next time.

I'd also suggest simply asking what your child needs when upset. Sometimes my child wants my help in analyzing, sometimes they want empathy for their frustration, sometimes they want a hug or help changing focus or help getting what they need.

It sounds like in giving the love it can be healing for you in opening up to what you've previously shut off! Ah, that's the beauty of unschooling.