Saturday, December 29, 2007

Greetings from the sickies :)

Where to begin? Well I don't paint beautiful pictures with words like Julie or Laura but I can still be coherent, I think.

I'm not gonna lie it's been a rough week with all the sickness but we still had a great Christmas and we still cooked dinner, roast beef, yummmmmy :) So we didn't frost cookies until yesterday but that was no big deal.

I'm just going to be straight with you guys, I don't even know who reads this besides a handful of people...

I have got some PMS going on, sucks to be sick and extra cranky on top of it. I don't have it as bad as dh, thank God, I have it bad enough though. I have to take care of everyone else and I am run down, I have lost it a few times the past two days. I hate when I lose it because I feel like a loser who can't control herself.

My kids have been bickering, mostly Cassie and Jared and Jared has been pretty sick, he hasn't eaten much and he is coughing and stuffed up BUT he has been unbearable and I have run out of patience. I hate when I get to the end of my patience because then I just bitch, and say things I shouldn't say. I am not proud of this but it happens every month, it just plain SUCKS, hormones SUCK!!!!

I really don't want to be a perfectionist and I didn't think I was one after reading a bit about them. One of my mottos is if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. This does not keep me from doing/living but I have also heard people say I'm gonna do it even if it's wrong, I would just never say something like that.

I take parenting very seriously, so when I lose it, I beat myself up, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy... I apologize to my kids, I apologize to God for losing my temper and screwing up.

I know I'm not perfect but I want to be the best mother I can, I have this image in my mind but when I fall short it is soooo hard to deal... I always tell people to buck up and deal so of course that is the advice my dh gives me :)

The mess is overwhelming and it makes me cranky, dh says get over it would you!!! YES in about a week I'll get over it!!! Why do hormones make everything so much more than it really is???? You have no idea how much I have let go in regards of mess, I used to vacuum everyday, Laura close your eyes you would not handle this well. Now it's like, OK I need to clear this room so I can vacuum the floor, one room at a time.

I can't deny my kids freedom to create and play in every room of the house, what kind of stick in the mud would I be? Oh yeah, I would be me, Miss I wish the house didn't looked lived in, I'm so over that, NOT!

We are who we are, I am me and nothing will change that, I have to adapt and figure out what is important.
I want my kids to learn, grow, explore, play, create and have fun.

At the same time I need something in the house that is clean and uncluttered :)


Tina said...

Hang in there. Life is always so sucky when you feel bad or there is extra stress. Being perfect will never happen. We all have been where you are. We're not angels, just radical. Hugs your way.

Stephanie said...

I get that way, too.
I think what in the world is wrong with me???
For like three days before. Then it comes, and I think "Thank goodness!, I"m not as crazy as I thought!"
Well, I am, of course, but with a hormonal reason!
I reject-reject-reject it.
Don't like it at all.

justjuls said...

Thanks for the compliment!

I think the BEST mom is a real person - losing it sometimes and apologizing. What lessons do kids learn from perfect people except to always feel that they don't measure up because sometimes they lose it.
The best example is a mom who is a real person - that gets sick, has PMS, and occasionally blows her top - and then comes and wipes off all the ick she spewed on everybody around her!!

How's that for painting a pretty picture!! ha ha