Monday, December 17, 2007

Parenting from the kid's perspective

You know it is so easy to parent from the parent's perspective, piece of cake... Do what I say, not as I do, sit down, shut up, brush your teeth. clean your room, do your school work, go to bed.

If you don't listen then I'll take away your games and toys and make your life miserable. Gross exaggeration, maybe but there is a lot of truth and reality in that. We can be selfish and rude and never be called on it, what a shame to parent like that.

When you parent from the kid's perspective you try to understand, you try to listen, you try to come to conclusions and find answers. You answer why, how, what and who, you listen and you try to help the child understand their world. You aren't the bad guy you are the helper, the listener, the person to let it all out on, the safe place to be.

You may wonder what prompted this, well many things in my daily life :)

Tonight while I was in the tub, Jared came in totally pissed off. He was complaining and he dumped out the toy bucket and pulled the towels off the rack as he made his way to me. He was telling me that he was mad because he was trying to make a go cart out of legos and it wasn't working. I told him I was sorry but that was all I said (this time) he continued on and said it was all stupid and he hated everything(his usual response). I just listened unfortunately I am known to give advice or opinion or talk him through it when he doesn't want to hear it. For example when he is mad and he yells SHUT UP don't talk to me, he means it... When I don't talk he calms down and then we can talk.

Tonight I didn't talk, I listened, what a concept, one I'm learning as I go. He quickly turned his mood around and talked himself right out of it. I was like, WOW, I should just listen more often :)

My personality is the type that solves and talks and advises but I know sometimes I need to shut up and listen.


Anonymous said...

Me too :0) Far too much talking, not enough listening- thanks for the reminder :0)
Shell (in NZ)

justjuls said...

Yes, but sometimes they learn the talking from things they hear us say to them. It is a fine balance. I am not good at shutting up either when it comes to my kids.
In fact - I had a pretty sucky weekend as a parent. I know that it is the financial stress that is getting to me and I have not been a pleasant person. I think my kids are getting to learn about grace - from me by having to extend it!
Fortunately I am very inclined to apologizing - even to my children - which many people never do.

mamastreasures said...

Cool post.

Just the title will give me something to think about for days.

Glad to have stumbled on your blog.


ps -- we lived in Tennessee for 6 years and miss it all the time...

Grace Walker said...

Speaking of which, this just happened with my daughter. She needed me to listen and I completely blew it. *sigh* Ugh....we're in the throws of it as I type. She is in her bedroom and I am here at the computer. Thanks for blogging about these life things Stephanie. It helps more than you might know.