Sunday, January 27, 2008


I am done trying to change myself. Today I was telling Jason that I'm done trying to be something I'm not. I don't know what my problem is, I have that slight perfectionist streak in me...ok it's more than slight. I am so gung ho on doing everything right, I don't want to screw up my kids or disappoint anyone. Somehow I have come to have these ideal images and expectations of myself that are really unattainable. I have no idea how I got to this point, well I have some idea when I look over my life.

Why don't I think I am good enough? Jason said he thinks I'm good enough and he has a pretty good judge of character so what does that say about his judgment? I told him he is right and I have to accept who I am and enjoy being me. Over the years I have gone through many stages of growth and development and I see that my true self has never changed. I am me, I am the person God created, I am wonderfully made, I'm done denying it, I am worthy.

So I am not hiding myself under some false pretenses or political correctness, or anything. It seems that those 10 years in the Church of Christ I really tried to change myself. I questioned many preachers, I made statements, I tried to be heard but amid all of those jumpers and uncut hair we can lose ourself. So no more of that, I am not afraid to be me, at least I don't think I am...

I can be wild, I can be freaky, I can be FUN!!!! It's time to let go of the crap that is holding me down and be true to myself. I am FREE!

Thanks for being my therapeutic sounding board :)

Enough about me...


justjuls said...

You go girl!
In the same way you have allowed your children the freedom to develop into who they are - you have to also be that kind to yourself.
Religion like that is very stifling - and the church takes the place of God.
You have a chance now to know that HE made you who you are - and doesn't want to change you one bit (aside from sin of course which He will show you and not some outside source!).
Embrace that for all it's worth.
Jason's right - you're kick ass!

Grace Walker said...

I'm standing right beside you, Stephanie. You ROCK!!!!! I love, love, love freedom. Thanks for uplifting me today, by sharing about your experience. I'm so thankful that you're in my life.

Love ya!!