Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Win-Win

Doesn't always work...

Here is a real example that happened tonight.

Cassie and Jared were playing in the boys room and Kieran came in and wanted them out. He wanted to watch a new episode of a show he likes and they were playing.

They didn't want to leave because they were there first, they took everything out of the closet and were building some sort of fort.

Kieran wanted to watch tv in his room alone.

I offered different solutions but nobody budged. Cassie has her own room so I even offered to take everything out of her closet so they could play in it.

She didn't want that.

I asked Kieran if he could watch his show in her room or in the living room, we have 3 tv's and the other 2 were available.

He didn't want that.

I talked about respect, I talked about compromise I talked until I turned blue(ok I'm exaggerating a little)
I remained calm and I tried so hard to come up with a solution BUT nobody wanted a solution, they wanted what they wanted.

So running out of patience I played the trump card and said bottom line, it's Kieran's room and he doesn't want you in here so you have to get out.

So....

Cassie and Jared left.

Cassie went in her room, not happy and turned on the TV and then left a minute and came back.

Jared goes in and sits on her bed and starts watching with her and then she starts saying she wants to be alone.

This was out of the blue he wasn't doing anything but sitting there.

So he said he didn't want to leave so she stormed out to the living room crying.

Jason calls, *Stephanie*

Yeah, I'm on it :)

I asked Jared if he could do something else so Cassie could be alone. At first he said no because he was just watching tv with her but then he said fine and went and played in another room.

She went in her room and within minutes was fine.

I spend a lot of time helping my kids communicate and usually we do come up with a solution that everyone agrees too, just not this time.

Everyone is fine now.

This was just another learning experience that I'm sure we will reference to in the future. We do that from time to time, remember when this happened and we did this?

4 comments:

jewlsntexas said...

Those situations are so hard.
A person's bedroom is a sacred place - and everybody seems to deserve a right to ask for it and some space to be alone.
Yikes.
We have times like that but usually at least one person is unhappy with the outcome - and I hate it. I want everyone to be happy but sometimes it just doesn't work.
Eventually they get over it.
The truth of the matter is we all want what we want for ourselves over the other person - and it is really hard to get adults to learn to live respectfully with one another - so kids will learn from example.
I love that in time of crisis Jason calls "Stephanie" - ha ha ha

Tina H. said...

This does happen from time to time,even in an unschooling family. After all, we are humans, not aliens. Perhaps Sandra's site would have some suggestions.

Lisa said...

All this sounds like my house. lol No kidding.

You are not alone.

Hilaree said...

I think what's so important for we mindful parents is to recognize that sometimes our children need to struggle a bit. We can help them communicate, make decisions, compromise, etc., but life is so much more complicated than pat endings. Struggling and feeling uncomfortable sometimes happens too, and that's okay. We're here to be the safe environment for all of those feelings to occur in.