Saturday, April 26, 2008

What a Day

It started with Jared losing his first tooth, that was cool.

We were invited to a birthday party far far away...

I guess it's time to mention my fear/anxiety/dizziness with freeway driving and not knowing where I'm going.

I have many issues and this isn't one I can control but I am under advisement about it. Honestly it could have been so much worse, it has been worse, all in all I did OK.

Although I didn't sleep well and I had knots in my gut, I decided that I needed to do this for Cassie and probably for myself.

Kieran was supposed to be my wingman and give me directions as needed, he did ok but messed up a couple times.

On the freeway wasn't too bad except for when we went on a split and a big rig was coming over in my lane, that scared me.

I actually had some anxiety once we got off the freeway, and we still had miles to go and turns to make. I absolutely hate not knowing where I'm going. I'm like that with everything though, I want to know where, when, how and why before I do it, I know it's impossible, but hey I'm not easy.

It was afternoon and we were stuck in school slow down, you know 15 mph, well we were actually stopped and I was checking the map for our next street and the traffic moved but I wasn't paying attention. I realized it and hit the gas hard and then got whistled at from the crossing guard to slow down, I threw up my hands and said I'm sorry I don't know where I am.

I was highly flustered at this point and we missed a turn and went a little way before I turned around. Got my bearings and headed back to the turn and while looking for the right road went through a red light, well almost, I realized it was red halfway through and slammed on the brakes thus locking them up and skidding the brand new tires in the middle of the intersection. Thank God at this exact moment the light turned green so I kept going on my merry way.

At this point I was uttering profanities and saying that's it I'm never leaving the house again, it's just NOT worth it. I can be perfectly happy at home and never get on the freeway again or go anywere I've never been.
I know it sounds insane but you aren't ME and don't know how stressful this was/is.

We got there safely after 45 minutes of driving and we all had a very nice time. I had never met this family...why you ask? Cassie knew them from girl scouts,my friend took her when we didn't have a 2nd car. Now she wants to go back to girl scouts and now I have wheels so guess who is venturing out again next week...

My dear friend tells me it will get easier as I keep doing it, bwhaaa, what if I don't want to! I could so easily stay in my comfort zone, getting out of it is painful, but I did it and I will keep doing it.

Jason came over after work mainly because I had no idea how to get home.
It was good because we all got along and made new friends, we didn't leave until almost 8pm. Jason knew a different way out of there and it cut out 20 minutes so it took us about 25 minutes to get home.

I just want to point out that I do not have a fear of driving, I do it almost everyday but just close to home. I do not have a fear of driving fast, I actually quite like it, we drove 80 mph most of the way home, I dig that.

My issues stem from years of chronic stuff based on a car accident when I was 18. It is situation and circumstance and fear of the unknown, and physical things that make daytime traffic driving difficult.

So I faced my fears and it turned out fine.

One more thing when Jared comes in and says, "mom, Cassie got the whole kitchen wet" he isn't kidding...


justjuls said...

I was so frustrated - I was going to email you last night and ask how it was going - and could NOT get my email to work.

Tina said...

Wow, Steph, I never would've guessed. You are so take charge. I find that the more I go places I don't know, the more confidence I have to try it again and again.

I still get lost really easily. Hubby surprised me with a GPS unit for my car about 2 months ago. It is awesome.

So...go.. and take charge. The world awaits you.

Heather said...

I completely understand!! I have some of the same issues but have made lots of progress in the past few years-Oklahoma City is very easy to navigate. "I will not fall of the face of the earth", "I have a cell phone", "I can do this" always play in my head when we go somewhere new. I used to drive it before the event (if possible) with Pete so I'd know how to do it myself! Do you worry while you are there how you will get home?? I do but I'm getting better at that too. Anyway, glad you made it and had a good time!