Sunday, July 01, 2007


I'm not sure where to begin, I've talked briefly about my childhood. I want to start by saying that I have forgiven my parents but unfortunately I can't forget. Some things that happen early in life really stick with you whether they are good or not. My parents married young, they were 17 and 18 when I was born. I suppose they loved each other in the beginning but didn't know how to really be parents or make a marriage, they tried the best they could.

Being the oldest child you see and hear things, all the fighting, yelling, screaming etc... It went on for 10 years before they divorced. I have to say that it was a blessing and the best thing they could have done. I don't advocate divorce but sometimes it is the best option. It was nasty of course, I was 11 and old enough to decide which parent to live with. I chose my mom because I wanted to be there for my brother and sister.

I'm not sure where I want to go with this post, I think I need to start a new one. I started this a couple days ago but have lost a lot of my original thoughts.

It was prompted by some threads at RCU about marriages and it made me think of my childhood. I actually have blocked out so many things that do come back to me from time to time. I still believe that I have many repressed memories and they are holding me back in some areas of my life.

It is so important to realize that how we treat our children will stay with them. I just put a wall up around me so that I wouldn't get hurt, but that caused many issues as well. I'm not really good at feelings and expressing them well or dealing with those that are so full of sensitive emotions.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can relate so much to some of the stuff you are saying here. My brothers tell me stuff that happened when we were kids and I cannot remember it at all. It is a blessing and a curse sometimes. I feel like the walls I put up are part of what helped me to make it through my childhood to become a mostly functional adult. On the other hand, I agree with you that perhaps those repressed memories are at times holding me back in my life concerning my marriage and my parenting.

I completely agree with the statement "It is so important to realize that how we treat our children will stay with them." It haunts me every time I treat my kids unfairly because I am struggling with my own selfishness.

I can understand my mom so much better now that I am a mom. It doesn't excuse anything that she did, but it helps me to have mercy towards her, and it has taught me about what I DON'T want to do with my kids.

Thanks so much for writing this post. It's helpful to know where people are coming from sometimes. Blessings to you and yours!