More stupid parenting

I was so agitated awhile ago... The kids two doors down are always here, why? well because it's fun here, their words not mine :)

It is 95+ degrees outside, they were all playing in my house but they only could stay in until 2:15, not my setting.

Cassie comes and asks me if they can go in the sprinkler, I said sure.
Brennan comes in upset because he was going to play baseball in the front yard with W. I didn't know this when I told Cass it was ok for the sprinkler. So I told him to have J see if they can use their sprinkler while the boys play here, our yard is a little bigger otherwise they would have played in his yard.

So.... Their mom said that they can't play in their sprinkler or ours... I said well I said lots of things :)
So I said then you and Cass come play inside while the boys play baseball. No they HAVE to play outside!!!

Ok folks it's 95 friggin degrees and they can't play in the water or in the house???????

I went off, I'm constantly baffled by stupid parenting, constantly.

So Cassie decided to come in cause she is hot. J came to the door wanting her to come out. She came to me and said she didn't want to go out, I said you don't have to.

My kids are more aware each time this stuff happens about how we are different, actually Cassie said that's torture, about those kids.

School starts tomorrow too, so it's blasted hot and they can't play in the sprinkler or in the house, that borders on abuse in my book.

Thank God in heaven I don't parent like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My kids thank me too :)
I try so hard my gosh...
There is a thread at unschooling resources going on about calling RU, unparenting. You all know how I feel about that, we parent our asses off!!!

Therapy session

I rarely have a chance to go into deep thought and discussion with anyone. My best friend and I do talk about all sorts of stuff including me, she says I'm not a mystery to her.

Some things I try and discuss with Jason but he is such an easy going guy who is always joking around it's really hard to have a conversation with him. He makes me laugh, if I didn't marry him I would be going around all serious all the time.

So I haven't been sleeping well, honestly I haven't really slept in 12 years but I'm not going into the my babies only slept for 2 hours at a time thing right now. I don't have any more babies although we do have some odd sleeping habits going on and if you read my blog you know that.

Where am I going? Last night well actually it was in the morning somewhere between 9 and 11 am I actually got into REM, I haven't dreamed in days. I call what I do *surface sleep* I'm slightly asleep but know everything that is going on or I am just plain laying there awake.

When I do actually dream I remember my dreams and I wake up more tired then when I don't dream. My theory is that my body is trying to hit on that sleep deficit but it won't really happen in this lifetime. My motto is sleep is highly overrated, well that is one of my many mottos anyway.

So onto my *therapy session* with dh... I woke up abruptly from my dream and then tried to fall back to sleep, useless I know. As I lay there I start thinking about everything I need to do, all sorts of stuff goes through my head, how can a person sleep when they can't shut up?!

I have this inner *need/desire/burn/drive* I don't know what it is but I have to be PRODUCTIVE. I wanted to know if I was born this way, are people born this way or did something make me this way??? I have a lot to deal with from my childhood and I went through so much and I deal with it as I remember it. I also try sooo hard in my parenting because what happens to you as a child doesn't go away.

I do have a point, I can't/don't just sit and relax and if I do it's for 2 minutes or I am thinking about all sorts of shit that I can't really let go of.
I always am doing something, I don't just do nothing, is that possible? How do I let go and shut off my mind how do I relax????

I do take HOT baths with Merlot and I have such good thoughts and Ideas in the tub, and I do relax just for a moment...

So why do I feel like I have to be productive??? I don't know but I do and I also believe that I or you don't HAVE to do anything!!! I choose to do what I do everything is a choice, some days I choose not to do things I normally do.

Computer time

Sharing...
Oh the joy of it :)

Lately getting everyone a turn on the computer has been challenging.
My boys are now members on Runescape and so they are working on things they couldn't do as non members.

Cassie likes to play also but she is pretty new at it, plus they play other games and it takes time. We have a laptop but it is a pain without a mouse, we are planning on getting one soon. We don't play disks on it because we have had too much trouble with it so it is strictly for internet use.

Brennan has been *hogging* the computer and playing for hours at a time and it is causing some strife around here.

OH great, I get to practice what I preach AGAIN!! We have talked about it but some people don't readily get it...

My dh said if we have to make a schedule then we will, I don't want to do that, I want everyone to get a long and take turns and share the damn computer!!!!!

So I am not getting much time here either and I'm pretty tired when I do.

Jared likes to use it too, he loves music and he also plays games.

We are working on a win/win situation for all.

Tonight I had Cassie get on for an hour, then Brennan for an hour then Jared got on and here I am at 3:00 am getting my turn. Today was smoother than the past few days.

We have never limited use, we just need to make sure everyone gets a turn.

Respect

I have talked about respectful parenting before and we are dealing with a few issues here and I just want to reassure you ladies that I am trying my hardest to practice what I preach.

Tonight the kids got rowdy while I was in the tub and woke up Jason. It isn't pretty when they wake up daddy, ya know!?

I realize they get caught up in the moment and forget that it's 1:30 am not pm but it has happened a lot lately. Thankfully this was the first time in awhile they actually woke dh up.

Some days are just plain difficult and I feel like I'm talking to the wall...

I know my kids have good hearts and don't mean to be loud and hurt each other. The past few days they have been putting the mattresses on the floor and jumping and doing all sorts of stunts. It really is inevitable that someone will get hurt, right.

What happened tonight was that Brenny accidently kicked Jared and he flipped out and ran into the bedroom and woke up dh because he knew I was in the tub.

You all know WHY I was in the tub!!! Yikes, I'm doing better now but today was pretty painful so I've been sipping the Merlot and soaking.

Anyway, geesh are you ADD or something??? No, Jared keeps telling me to look, he is playing Lego Star Wars, mom watch!!!!!

Tomorrow the kids and I need to have a talk about when daddy goes to bed and about being nice and treating each other the way you want to be treated and all that good stuff :)

Can I just vent a tad??? I have posted on this before but when I see the phrase *I'm an unschooler not an unparent* I get really ticked. It implies neglect or something.

Parenting mindfully and respectfully takes SO MUCH work, setting rules and limits and punishments and bedtimes is the EASY way out. There is no thought in the matter, no modeling and respecting the individuals in the house as well as the family as a whole. All that does is make the parents feel like they are in control of people who are smaller then they are.

I just get so riled because I DO PARENT so much, it takes time and effort, some days I don't want to do it, like the past few actually... I have to do it for my kids, I have to parent them the way each of them needs it not by some arbitrary rule made for my convenience.

It isn't easy but it's worth it, my kids are worth it, I just need to refocus and get things in order.

I wonder about those people who even say the unschool but don't unparent because I really wonder what *unschooling* means to them.

I had someone unsub from RCU today and the reason was that we are to extreme in the childrearing. I was thinking what??? We don't spank or make our kids do chores and have bedtimes, what is extrenme about that??? Those were my first thoughts, dh saw the email and he said what?

Back Labor

All I can
say right now is OUCH!!!

O my gosh this hurts! All you ladies out there who had back labor can understand what I go through every month, yes it feels like that!!!!

Some months aren't as intense, actually last month was the worse I have had in years so I suppose right now is just *normal pain*
I don't get the women who barely have a cramp, you suck alright, I can say that it's my blog.

I'm just going through some crap right now and am in pain from my period and it doesn't help me focus.

I soaked in the hot bath and drank my wine, the only thing that helps but it's not enough, I'm in pain...

Well I'm not writing anything profound tonight, see ya later.

Freedom in sleep habits

As unschoolers we truly have many freedoms that others don't, mainly because others won't allow themselves freedom from have to's and should's and should not's.

The other day my friend Tina at http://caffeinefreedom.blogspot.com/ was talking about bedtimes and have to's and she inspired me.

I have been living with some pretty different sleeping hours since Jared is so sporatic. I posted last week about him taking a nap and being up, well I didn't finish, he was up until 6:30 am last Saturday night.

This whole week he has been up very late or early I guess. The past 2 nights it's been 4:30 am before he konks out. Last night he went to sleep at 4:30am and woke up at 9:30am, um HELLO, I need SLEEP!!!! So he got up and thankfully Jason was home, he went back to sleep from 1:30pm-5:30pm .

So here I am posting again about sleep or the lack there of. I was telling my friend about this tonight and I said that I am so glad that we have the freedom for this. I can't make my son sleep, I can't make myself sleep. I am just so glad that we are able to accomodate his habits and not try to force unnecessary harm to him or us.

So many parents just set a time and make their kids go to bed without choice or discussion, of course many have to go to SCHOOL at the crack of dawn for some dumbing down and mind numbing lessons.

Well lately I have been up until the crack of dawn and sleeping all morning, I am just so thankful for these options and choices.

Everything is a choice we don't HAVE TO do anything!!!!!

Flying my freak flag

This was a joke between my best friend and I after seeing the FamilyStone but it is so true. I was born flying my flag, I am different, I am a non-conformist, I think for myself. If you are interested I only have my mother's word to go on... I was never a real baby, I didn't want to be held, I stopped the bottle at 5 months, I wasn't breastfed because my mom was 17 and nervous(according to my dad)
I sat up at 4 months and crawled, walked by nine months and the rest is history oh yeah potty trained by 18 months :)
I knew how to read BEFORE I went to half day K, they didn't worry about reading at 5 then...

This post isn't about tooting my own horn but about what happened because I was so *advanced* School crushed my love of learning, it was stupid, I remember more and more each day... I learned how the game was played and I quickly stopped being me. For a few years I did come home and teach my brother and sister, I actually wanted to be a teacher for a short time, then a lawyer and a psychiatrist, hint hint about my childhood.
One extra note my little brother was 4 and the school wouldn't let him in because he was born in Dec. So my mom put him in private school because he tested at least at 1st grade level. Which means nothing!!!!

I decided I would not make a good shrink because I would just tell people to *get over it* Hey that is what I do now, no pay geesh.

So my parents didn't like each other(total understatement) they can barely tolerate hearing about each other from me and I am 32 +4 LOL!
To know me is to love me :)

So why am I writing this??? Um because so many children are thrown into the depths of public school and their parents are both working, living separate lives and the family unit has gone to hell. Yes I am Christian and I believe that God had a different plan for us. Not one of destruction and adversarial relationships but one of families living and working together.

I am an unschooling advocate Ala John Holt, I'm reading Instead of Education and it's really good! But I was unschooling and APing before Dr. Sears named it :)

When my first was born we never planned on school actually before he was born. He never heard the word no from us, I was all about the positive and what you can do not what you can't do. I never had to babyproof or cage my child, he was so free! I had three more after him and we did our best to live up to our own standards and damnit it's hard to do!

Kieran will be 12 next week , I can't believe it my first baby with all the hoopla (fertility drugs) my gosh I can't possibly make one post here! Whoever reads this is probably saying, she never talks THIS MUCH!!!

So why did I write??? I am not alone many people are out there talking and promoting unschooling and respectful parenting but we are going upstream, against the wind (love Bob Segar)
Let's just do it and call it like we see it. I'm no saint but I am part of the unschooling movement. If I can save one more child from being dumbed down and disregarded it's all good!

A decision Cassie made

Some of you know that Cassie has food dye sensitivities, it is still hard for her to not want the stuff when others are having it. It is something we have been dealing with for a couple years and I'm learning what additives affect her and trying to avoid buying anything with that stuff in it.

Last week she was at the little girl's house down the road and when she came home she said she had candy. I asked her what kind, what color, but she couldn't really remember or maybe she just felt on the spot. Later on her behavior reflected that of dye consumption. We talked about it and I really want her to learn how to make these decisions because it could be with her all her life.

Today she was over there for an hour and she came home and told me that they ate candy and she didn't have any. She was very happy with her decision and happy when she told me. I just felt awesome that she made that decision on her own knowing how much she likes candy.
I buy stuff that she can eat so it's not like she doesn't get any but it's been hard for her when her friends or brothers eat something. We have had to deal with well how come they can have it, it's not that she can't have it but if she does we all pay for it and I know she doesn't like that either.

10 minutes of silence

Tonight, well it was just after midnight, I was actually sitting in my rocking chair, I put on Tesla, I poured a drink and I just chilled. Jason came to me and said hey what's up? I said Is this my life? I think I'm having an out of body experience, LOL!

Let's backtrack a bit, Jared my nightiest owl fell asleep just before 10:00pm, this is very rare and I can't remember the last time it happened. He has been up until 3:30-4:00 am this past week. I guess it caught up with him plus he went swimming today, that is pretty tiring.

Jason is planning on taking the kids fishing in the morning and so they were trying to go to bed so they can get up. At that time they were actually in their room watching a movie to try and relax. Kieran was asleep but Cassie and Brenny are like me, it's hard to fall asleep.

Well... Jared woke up and we tried to get him back to sleep but he had over a 2 hour nap and was wide awake. So then Brenny came out and said he couldn't sleep yet and Cassie was hungry and and and it was reality again...

Just a few short minutes I sat in the chair and tried to relax then reality came back and we just went with the flow. Here it is 3:16 am and Jared is still full of it. He and Jason lightsabre fought and played but daddy tired out and went to bed.

I just may have to go to bed and leave him up watching a movie, we shall see.

Night Owls

Oh my gosh, we are such night owls, getting nightier by the day, LOL! My little man has been on a late turn and getting later, it's 3:45 am and he is still up, and here I am wondering what I'm doing.
He fell asleep at this time last night and I think he is going to be out any second now...

Of course we all slept in today, maybe I will get up earlier tomorrow and wake Jared up too, maybe not. I really don't mess with my kids sleep cycle. I hated being woken up for school, oh my gosh, I was born a night person and school does NOT accomodate for that.

It got harder as I hit high school, I had 2 alarm clocks, one by my bed and one across the room, I got to where I got up and shut it off every 5 mins for a half hour. I never did mornings, still don't unless you consider early mornings

I don't fall asleep easy and I can't sleep on demand or because of the time on a clock so I would not try to make my kids. I actually have many sleep issues so I will never force my kids to bed it can have repercussions, just like an eating disorder.

Guess who just closed his eyes??? Wow he is so full of energy, he goes non-stop as soon as he wakes up until he passes out, I never know when that will be. Energizer boy!

I suppose I can get ready for bed now :)

Good night!

Cassie time

While I was hoping to work on other things tonight it became apparant that my dd needed me. It started with her wanting to play UNO just the two of us but Brenny wanted to play also and she lost it. I understand about her wanting just the two of us, it is difficult when there is 1 me and 4 of them. We worked it out and we played cards for a bit, then she asked me to come help her name her dolls. It's kind of funny because when I was pregnant with Jared we named all of her dolls but we have since forgotten.

We gave all of the dolls new names and then we dressed all of the naked ones. Then she wanted me to watch a movie with her, it was midnight by then and of course other people needed me. I watched the last half of The Pacifier with her she had started it earlier in the day.

Then I did a few things and finally took a shower and then she asked me to help her spell words, it was 1:45 am by then. So I went back to her room and she had started with some words she knows and asked me to help with some words. She tried to spell and did pretty well then asked me to get some books so she could look at the words. She filled a notebook page with words and decided she was ready to go to sleep.

I realize that she needs me and some days it's hard because we are so different emotionally, I'm working on being able to relate to her. I am just not emotional, her whole day was because she got up early for church after going to sleep at her usual time.

Don't think that I don't have emotions, I have lots but I'm a thinker and a doer I follow my head and I'm not really *emotionally female* some people know what I mean, my best friend does cause she gets me :)

Actually I hardly ever cried until I got pregnant, I thought there was something wrong with me, crying at hallmark commercials. Having kids did change me on many levels but it did make me more emotional and aware of feelings. After all this time I have mostly reverted back to my usual self, I can cry but it's not that common.

Childhood

I'm not sure where to begin, I've talked briefly about my childhood. I want to start by saying that I have forgiven my parents but unfortunately I can't forget. Some things that happen early in life really stick with you whether they are good or not. My parents married young, they were 17 and 18 when I was born. I suppose they loved each other in the beginning but didn't know how to really be parents or make a marriage, they tried the best they could.



Being the oldest child you see and hear things, all the fighting, yelling, screaming etc... It went on for 10 years before they divorced. I have to say that it was a blessing and the best thing they could have done. I don't advocate divorce but sometimes it is the best option. It was nasty of course, I was 11 and old enough to decide which parent to live with. I chose my mom because I wanted to be there for my brother and sister.

I'm not sure where I want to go with this post, I think I need to start a new one. I started this a couple days ago but have lost a lot of my original thoughts.

It was prompted by some threads at RCU about marriages and it made me think of my childhood. I actually have blocked out so many things that do come back to me from time to time. I still believe that I have many repressed memories and they are holding me back in some areas of my life.

It is so important to realize that how we treat our children will stay with them. I just put a wall up around me so that I wouldn't get hurt, but that caused many issues as well. I'm not really good at feelings and expressing them well or dealing with those that are so full of sensitive emotions.