Low maintenance

LOL! Like I said in the meme awhile back I only need a few things to keep me happy. But I do NEED them :)

Saw this quiz at Zenmommas so I just had to take it :)

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeegirlareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

The #1 song the day you were born

This is neat, I saw Sheryl post it at Unschooling Resources.

http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm



My song is Joy to the World by Three Dog Night. My birthday is May 18, 1971.

Siblings

What to do about the fighting? I mean one minute they play together and are the best of friends the next minute is fighting and name calling.

I look back at my own childhood and I see the same thing, we fought and argued but then we stood up and protected each other.

Some people say we never blog about anything negative, well how fun is that? But there is reality and it seems no matter how hard I try my kids argue and call each other names and sometimes hit/kick.

I just had to referree an incident between Cassie and Jared and I'm worn out. I feel like a broken record some days. I know they do hear me because the fruits show up later it's just during the process that it's difficult to see sustained progress.

Actually Cassie and Jared have also been playing a lot together lately and getting along, all it takes is one stupid thing to set it off.

Here's something cute, last week when Cassie was at Girl Scouts, Jared came to me and said, *Mom, this is so stupid...I miss Cassie*

So there you have it the love/hate relationship of siblings.

As Jason would say they love to hate each other.

I know it's a process of growing and learning and developing, I give my input and I pray that they will learn how to get along. They do for the most part, I guess it's in these moments of turmoil it seems to fall on deaf ears. They show me time and again that they are listening and processing the information, it's just not in my time frame.

But then not much is in *my time frame* LOL!

Live and Learn, gotta love it, the journey is priceless.

Laying the foundation of Trust

These thoughts are spurred from Kelly Lovejoy's article that I thought was great, then I passed it on to RCU and it took on many rabbit trails.

Our kids trust us to tell them the truth, they look to us for guidance or reassurance, they need to know that we are honest and forthcoming with them.

I used the analogy of hot as in the stove is hot, many parents say hot, don't touch. I didn't do that when I was cooking I would tell my child that the oven was hot and then I would hold their hand close enough for them to feel the heat radiating from it. They need to know what hot means and if you just tell them not to touch it because it is hot and they touch it anyway and find out it is cold then they will have a hard time believing you in the future.

This can set up an adversarial relationship right from the start. I want my kids to trust me, I always tell them the truth and they know that and they believe me when I tell them something.

I remember when my kids were babies and there was this guy, Ferber, who came up with a method to get babies to sleep. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it, let them cry it out and they will sleep on their own. Can you imagine how the baby felt, their only means of communication is crying and the parent just leaves them to cry for 15 minute intervals or whatever it was. Sure eventually they may stop, they will also realize that they can't count on the person who is supposed to be there for them. You may think babies don't remember but I think they internalize things like that. I was a colicky baby(surprised) my parents tried everything they could to help me, but when I got a little older my mother let me scream in my room.

She told me I was so stubborn that I would cry for 3 hours before falling asleep in the doorway.

Wow, something is wrong with that and I'm not going there. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had and I have forgiven them and vowed NOT to repeat it.

Back to trust, it is so important that our kids really trust us. I also want my kids to question things and think for themselves, I do not want them to be mindlessly compliant, obedient drones, which is really good because they aren't :)

It seems they all have a bit of their mother in them.

I have left this post so many times that I have lost my train of thought.

It's just not wise to spout off everything they can't do, you know forbidden fruit looks really sweet. We talk about things all the time, I do not forbid anything, I want to continue laying the foundation as we head into the teen years. Trust and respect are the key to every relationship that is important to us.

Grammar

I'm LOL, I could spend some time at those blog things, oh wait I have :) I saw this one at Stace's blog and decided to try it. I am a little bit of a pain when it comes to proper English, just ask my family, but who knew I was right.

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

http://www.blogthings.com/theitsitstheretheirtheyrequiz/">The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

Giving and receiving

They say (whoever *they* are) that it is better to give then to receive. I understand the concept but that doesn't make the one on the receiving end feel that great. We all give and we all receive one is not better then the other.

We have been in a position many times that we have been on the receiving end. I posted just a couple months ago how we just made it through a very tough time. We have been talking about being sick of being on the receiving end and hoping that soon we will have the ability to give.

Giving comes in many forms, it's not just monetary, it can be giving time or service as well. In those times that we know someone in need and aren't able to do anything physical we can always pray that God will provide someone who can help.

I have also realized that when someone gives we aren't supposed to pay them back. You know the feeling you have if someone gives you money or helps you out in some way, you want to pay them back. I think that instead we need to pay it forward, we need to help another in their time of need.

Of course we are thankful to those that help us but we shouldn't feel obligated. I believe it is best to give from the heart without ulterior motives or strings attached. God loves a cheerful giver.

It is hard not to feel like we owe them but I believe it is part of the giving and receiving process. One gives then another then another and so many people get help when needed because one person stepped out. I do believe that what comes around goes around and I believe that everything has a purpose.

The giver and receiver are both blessed and are able to keep the process going. If you look back over times of hardship or abundance I believe that you will see where the giving and receiving happened.

The Lord has layed it heavy on my heart tonight, we are blessed to give and to receive.

Parenting from the kid's perspective

You know it is so easy to parent from the parent's perspective, piece of cake... Do what I say, not as I do, sit down, shut up, brush your teeth. clean your room, do your school work, go to bed.

If you don't listen then I'll take away your games and toys and make your life miserable. Gross exaggeration, maybe but there is a lot of truth and reality in that. We can be selfish and rude and never be called on it, what a shame to parent like that.

When you parent from the kid's perspective you try to understand, you try to listen, you try to come to conclusions and find answers. You answer why, how, what and who, you listen and you try to help the child understand their world. You aren't the bad guy you are the helper, the listener, the person to let it all out on, the safe place to be.

You may wonder what prompted this, well many things in my daily life :)

Tonight while I was in the tub, Jared came in totally pissed off. He was complaining and he dumped out the toy bucket and pulled the towels off the rack as he made his way to me. He was telling me that he was mad because he was trying to make a go cart out of legos and it wasn't working. I told him I was sorry but that was all I said (this time) he continued on and said it was all stupid and he hated everything(his usual response). I just listened unfortunately I am known to give advice or opinion or talk him through it when he doesn't want to hear it. For example when he is mad and he yells SHUT UP don't talk to me, he means it... When I don't talk he calms down and then we can talk.

Tonight I didn't talk, I listened, what a concept, one I'm learning as I go. He quickly turned his mood around and talked himself right out of it. I was like, WOW, I should just listen more often :)

My personality is the type that solves and talks and advises but I know sometimes I need to shut up and listen.

Why are there *frustrated homeschoolers*

I have thought of a few scenarios in my head and thought of things I've heard homeschoolers say and things they have written online.



When someone is frustrated because it's not going the way they envisioned, you know with children sitting at the table happily following the curriculum with smiles on their faces, oh please mom can we do more...



When reality sets in and the mom is forcing, bribing, coercing and punishing the child because the child does not want to sit there and fill out worksheets or write a report.



They want to PLAY PLAY PLAY, that's what kids do, that's how kids learn, they imagine, create, explore, build, research, draw, ask, tell, act, be, do, live, laugh,PLAY, did I say PLAY...



I realize that many people will never unschool, there is a broad range of methods between school at home and unschooling, I won't go into them all that is not my purpose. My purpose is to let people know that they don't have to follow a scope and sequence, what your child needs to know, or any curriculum made by people who don't really know how children learn.



My first question to you would be *WHY*, why are you forcing a situation, why do you homeschool in the first place. Do you want your child to be whining and balking and resisting you at every turn? Do you want to live like that? Do you want an adversarial relationship with your children or does partnership sound better?



Do you have some kind of notion that your child SHOULD know ____ at a certain age? Do you really think you are teaching your child to read?



Think back to when they were babies, they were born with an innate desire to learn, they are curious little people. Remember when they started to walk?



Do you really think you taught them?



You did not teach your child to walk, you provided an environment conducive to learning . You have furniture, they pull themselves up, they cruise and one day they keep going. Sure you might have facilitated, and encouraged and even held their hand but you did NOT teach them how to walk.



Follow that through every stage of their life, you were there lending a hand, offering advice, observing and facilitating until one day they turned 5 and you flipped out.



It's time for school, we must be doing this and that we can't just play and have fun like we used to. They have to learn how to read, write, add, subtract, times tables, write essays, read a map, know the states and capitals, write cursive, spell, diagram a sentence and all that other stuff that schools make kids do. Memorize and regurgitate, take a test and forget. Why do they have to review every year, why do they have to review every Monday?



Many of those kids are not really learning, they are just going through the motions and memorizing. I believe that homeschooling (school at home)can do the same thing, why copy a model that doesn't work? WHY?????? That is the million dollar question that only you can answer.



When people truly learn, they remember, it has a purpose, that is why they learned it in the first place. There has to be a want, need and desire to learn, it has to be intrinsically motivated, external motivation produces short term results but it's not authentic learning.



Some people want to show off what their kids know, that is sad but I've seen it, so they push them and expect them to demonstrate on demand. Like it's a contest to show others up or to show the school system that they can do it better all the while their kid is suffering inside.



Learning is not a race, it's not a contest, everyone learns at their own rate and in their own way. From birth there are *milestones* but there is an average due to the fact that not every baby peforms at the same rate.



For example, my son Brennan walked when he was 7 months and 3 weeks old. I know it sounds unbelievable but it's true and in the next week of his life he could walk all over the house batting a lego around with a rattle. He is very athletic and agile and he was ready to walk. People would say things like that's not good for his legs or something stupid. Um I didn't make him walk he had a need, he did it himself, I watched. This same child didn't talk until he was 2 and at age 9 has just started to read. That is his timetable and nobody has the right to stifle that or interefere with the learning process.

In my opinion, there is no reason to be frustrated, there is no reason to force learning. We all need to deschool, deprogram,detox from the very system that we are trying to get away from.

So many people quit homeschooling due to frustration because they can't teach their own kid so they send them away to be taught by someone else. What a waste of precious time with your child, what a waste of childhood to spend it in a classroom.

Relax, let go and really get to know how your kids learn, watch them, help them, facilitate and enjoy the process.

December 11

Today was warm and wonderful, the kids played outside and wore shorts. We have had our windows open for the past 4 days, all night even. I am really enjoying our weather, I know the cold is coming, well it won't be anything like up North but it is cold nonetheless.

So many states are experiencing ice storms and power outages and snow that it just reminds me of how thankful I am that we moved :)

Why don't you work?

My 5 yr old neighbor asked me today.

I stay home and take care of my kids, I don't leave them with a babysitter.

Why don't you get a babysitter? Why don't you send your kids to school?

My mom likes to work...she quit her other job but she likes her new one.

I told her that I'm not sure how to explain it to her that I choose not to work, I choose to stay home and I choose not to send my kids to school.

Today they were faced with getting off the school bus to no parents home, AGAIN! It is probably a God send that I don't have a car right now because what would happen to these kids if I wasn't home...

They are having scheduling issues, I did tell their dad that I would rather they come to my house then be home alone. The thing is I never know what day that will be...

It's a good thing that I care... It's a God thing!

Part of my gift to others, I am good at taking care of kids and don't usually mind, I always have extra kids here.

Cherry Mistmas

While I ponder my frustrated homeschooler post I'd thought I would share this. It cracks me up so much, I hope you enjoy it :)


Try this cake recipe for the upcoming holidays!

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup of brown sugar

lemon juice

4 large eggs

nuts

1 bottle Vodka

2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar.

Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup .... just in case

Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!!

Seinfeld

Much ado about nothing, Seinfeld was a very successful show about NOTHING.

So I had many rambly thoughts while I soaked in the hot bathtub sipping my wine. Of course most of them go down the drain, I need a waterproof laptop :)

I was tagged for a meme about a week in review. This past week is not the best one for me to talk about because I spent it in severe pain. I have had monthly problems since my first period when I was 12, who knew it would be a lifelong pain, pun intended.

I look at my kids and I am so thankful and blessed, I begged the doctors to give me a hysterectomy when I was 19 because I was so sick of the pain. I had endometriosis, I ended up in the ER a lot, they gave me a shot of demerol and sent me home. I went through 2 rounds of Lupron, it basically puts you into pseudo-menopause, yes with all the perks of mood swings and night sweats in my early 20's.

I never had to try to NOT get pregnant, it used to be a joke because I had to try TO get pregnant. Kieran was conceived by fertility drugs and Brennan was by temp and time, the dr said I had a 24 hour window a month to get pregnant. Jason used to joke about punching the time clock :) Here's the kicker, Cassie was conceived while I was breastfeeding Brenny, go figure! My 3 boys were planned but my Cassie was a surprise, my little princess, she fills the role just right.

So while I was in pain all week and trying to muddle through my kids didn't skip a beat. My boys even did the dishes for me one day before I got up. You see when kids have never been schooled, life is learning and learning is life. They spent time reading, playing, drawing, painting, building, asking, telling, spelling, writing, wrestling, and just being their usual selves.

For those who don't unschool... actually I don't think anyone reads here who isn't an unschooler but just in case...

They did math, history, geography, science, launguage arts, foreign language, art, cooking, home ec, shop, economics, spelling, reading, writing, heck who knows what else because I never break learning down into subjects.

We have a big kids atlas and Jared has been looking at it lately, it has the flags of all the countries on it. He has been drawing the flags and asking me what country it was. One flag he drew was Togo, I have heard of it but didn't know where it was. I had to google it, I asked Kieran and he knew it was a country in Africa. Whenever I have a history or geography question, I ask Kieran, he knows 95% of the time. Last year I asked him the question that the geography bee winner answered, he figured it out, I had no clue.

I am not a happy product of public schooling, I do know that I hated being forced to memorize and regurgitate. The thing is though that I passed the test and promptly forgot the information. My kids learn and learn for real, they have a want, need, desire or interest to follow and they fulfill it. Unschooling is so awesome and wonderful and when you really observe the learning and facilitate when necessary then you know what I'm talking about.

I can't begin to explain what and how my kids learn, they just do despite whatever is going on they still keep on learning and growing. They aren't stifled, they aren't used to be told that it's math time or art time or whatever time they just do it, live it, breathe it and retain it.

We have only had one car this past year so our daily outings haven't happened, so we couldn't get together with other homeschoolers. Who wants to do that anyway, I have no desire to listen to mom talk about how she can't get Johnny to sit down and do math... So how do you do it? Nope not interested, because I will not tell you what you want to hear.

So we have our friends come to our house and we do stuff on evenings and weekends. It doesn't matter, it's just a season of life, but the learning happens and you can't stop it! You could interfere and really mess things up but if you really and truly get it and see it and live it, you will not be disappointed or discouraged.

Want to know how I really feel, just ask me, I'll tell you.

Ok I'll play

What is your Grinch name?

Mine is Testytroll Rottennose, LOL! That's pretty fitting :)

Thanks Sarah

Friends

I am enjoying getting to know many women in my online contacts.

I have never been the social one or needed a lot of friends, especially women, LOL!

In highschool I had 3 girlfriends, they were all different and they were not friends with each other, they were acqainted only becuase of me.

As I got older and moved I really didn't have any true friend's, just lots of casual friends and acquaintences. All of those years in church didn't produce any real friends either.

In PA, I joined a home ed group and met other mothers but didn't see them outside of the monthly meeting, well except one, we did get a little closer because my dd and hers were friends. She was also relaxed and liked to hear me talk about unschooling.

Then I met someone and we clicked and it felt great to be friends, I mean the come over and hang out and chat kind of friend.

Recently I made another true friend, we hit it off and so did our kids. So I have 2 real friends that I can talk to and hang out with. Except for Jason he was and is and always will be my very best friend. I was talking about women though, I have always had tons of male friends, they are so much easier and a lot less maintenance. Actually this is kind of funny because Jason has always had lots of women friends, he has a few close guy friends but the women love him, always have :)

I have casual friends, I'm not really needy and I don't want one that I have to work hard at. If we get along that's great but if we don't I'm not forcing it. You know the kind of people you meet and it's a chore just for conversion to flow, I have met some moms like that at homeschool groups.

This brings me to my online friends, so many of you are becoming a part of my life. I look forward to checking blogs and emails to see what you are doing. I love the comments that are left for me and I try to comment on your blog so you know I was there.

I feel blessed to have so many friends, it happened without really trying hard, some of us connect at different levels and some of us are casual.

I hope to continue to get to know you and I look forward to meeting new friends as my online community grows.

Oh the joys...

Of public school friends. I am aware of things that kids learn in school and I'm not talking about math. We have always had things come up that my kids picked up from their PS friends.

Tonight we had a good conversation. Cassie told me that W and J told her that the middle finger means the *F* word, I said oh no not THAT word, LOL! My kids know what I mean and now you do too :) On that note Jason told me that he couldn't believe I wrote that word :)

So we discussed the finger, the bird, the offensive nature and what it means. I just don't know what an 8 and 5 yr old are doing talking about it...

This led to Cassie and I talking about other important things as well. I told her that I was glad she came to me and that she can tell me anything. It is so important to establish open lines of communication when they are young so it carries on in the teen years. That is my goal anyway, my kids know they can tell me anything without getting in trouble.

Thinking...coming to conclusions

Yesterday Kieran and I were talking and he told me about this email he got about a movie coming out that was *anti-Christ*

I knew immediately what he was talking about because it was all over the yahoo groups and my personal email. I don't want to give the guy anymore free press, he got plenty by getting some uptight fundamentalists panties in a wad.

This led to us talking about thinking for ourselves and reaching our own conclusions. We talked about how it's good to ask others what they think about it and do the research ourselves.

I told him that asking me is a great start, and asking his dad, and go from there. I told him that I have very strong opinions on some things(surprise) and other things don't matter to me as much.

I also told him that as he grows and forms his own opinions whether political or otherwise, we won't always agree. I wanted him to know it's ok to disagree with me and it's good if we can discuss our differences and why we believe something.

I do not take anything at face value especially email hype about a book or movie.

It is so important to think for ourselves and know how to learn in order to make decisions based on facts not hype or popular opinion.

Words

Words are just words until they mean something to someone. We can get so hyped up over bad, cuss, swear, foul words, what do you call it?

It's really interesting when you think about what different words mean to different people. Some words also have different meanings here in the US than in other countries.

Several years ago my everyday language consisted of many words that could be dubbed *swear* words. Then I became *holier than thou*, remember that post... I didn't even swear for ten years, man that was hard, LOL! You can bet I looked down my nose at others who did, especially *christians*

I have gone back to my roots in so many ways, this is just one more. I'm not saying that I walk around swearing every other word but I do use words when appropriate and yes sometimes it's *appropriate*

My son has given me a PG-13 rating with the occasional R thrown in, one day I was so pissed after talking to some *idiot* on the phone that had no brain, I told Kieran to plug his ears cause I was gonna blow!!! LOL! He laughed at me and he plugged his ears, too funny.

I don't know about you but to me the *F* word is ...

ready...

I can't believe I'm writing this...

it's FART.

Oh my gosh I wrote it, that word is FOUL to me!

Yea I know you are laughing, it's ok, really, I can handle it.

Needs and desires

This is so true, I have come to realize that I am the one who NEEDS something done, not the kids. I am learning how to convey my needs so that it doesn't infringe on my children. For example: sometimes I need quiet, I need the mess picked up, I need to take a hot bath, sometimes I don't want to do anything for anybody...

Oh wait that would be now. I have been having some swirly hormones the past 2 days and now it's come to fruition and I am in PAIN and cranky and I need to sit in the tub and drink wine (Oh that's nothing new), pain management here, LOL!

We (I) need to differentiate between MY needs and the kids needs and figure out how to communicate effectively. Usually I just do everything without complaining but for a few days a month, I complain... damnit! Hey, I'm human and I'm working on getting over myself :)

I was short with my extra kids today too, well gee she just came in and made messes everywhere. My kids do it but they are MY kids, although I pretty much feel like these other ones are mine too. I feel so bad when I bitch, yikes... bitch, bitch, bitch... I'll be better in a day or two :)


THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noellewww.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove::

Needs and Desires, Part 1 ::

Parents commonly say things like, "You need to put your toys away and get ready for bed."Such statements put kids in a double bind if they don't *feel* like complying.

Who should they believe, their parents or their own feelings? It's a loss either way."You NEED to" is really a euphemism for "you HAVE to." It's a way of cloaking coercion. If you don't intend to give your child a choice, be honest and state your command *as* a command:

"Put your toys away and get ready for bed." If that feels rude, maybe your feelings are trying to tell you something. :-)

You may realize that the real issue is *your* needs. That would be a step in the right direction, but don't stop there... A shift in focus from needs to
desires is the key that will unlock your creativity.


(Tomorrow: Part 2)http://dailygroove.net/needs-desires

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"http://www.ScottNoelle.comhttp://www.EnjoyParenting.com 1044 Water Street, Suite 342Port Townsend, WA 98368USATo unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?LIxMLOyctCyMbGwMzKxM

Woodworking

What to do with blocks of wood? Make a sniper rifle, of course. He isn't finished yet, he plans on painting it and modifying it, so this is the beginning.

Small rant... You see all of these news stories about kids and guns, I saw one where a 6 yr old got suspended for drawing a stick figure with a gun.

My gosh because that is soooo threatening. My boy here has many drawings of guns, he is very interested in war history and he knows his stuff.

No threat just interests and learning going on here :)

Profile picture (opinions please)

There is story here :)

What should be a simple task turned into an ordeal, all I wanted was a little head shot for my profile pic. I asked Kieran to take a picture of me, something was wrong with the camera and they were ALL blurry.

We tried fixing it but just couldn't get it right, he started rolling his eyes and acting like I was torturing him. So after Jason got home he fixed the settings and took several pictures of me, we found it was better if I didn't know he was taking it. We got some really goofy shots, let me tell you.

I really don't like any pictures of me, so I'm asking for your opinion, these are a few of the better shots. This has nothing to do with vanity, I told Jason that what I see in the mirror and what I look like on camera are not the same. I don't really like what the camera does to me :)

I do like one of these shots but I won't tell you which one.
If you feel so inclined to give your opinion I would appreciate it. If not I'll figure it out, LOL!