Saturday, August 09, 2008

bugging me

So Lesa is wondering why I haven't blogged :)

I have lots in my head but don't always get a chance to say it.

There is a commercial on the radio that I have heard everyday for at least a week and it is BUGGING me.

It's the total transformation, if your kid is defiant or talking back or having trouble in school or ADD or...

This program will fix your child. I was going to put in a link but I don't want to :)

You can google it.

A step by step program to change your child's behavior.

I don't know if this is legitimate, I don't know if it has merit or if it's just another thing that disrespects children.

In an odd way you would think someone like me with an intense child would be interested in this. The truth is when I hear claims like this it scares me and makes me just want to hug my child.

You see Jared has been exploding left and right lately, well he really has his whole life it's just that now he seems more intense.

Yes a 6 yr old that gets set off by something explodes, yells, kicks, throw things and uses profanity. Where did he learn it??? He has always exploded, yes we use some language around here but I have been very careful lately, he hears it from the music he likes.

He likes System of a Down and they have several songs that he likes and one of them uses the f word and I don't mean fart, man did I say that!?

You guys know that fart is a terrible word to me I don't really mind the other word that gets all of the attention :)

So what is my point???
Beats me!

I don't believe there is any program out there that is worth using to change my child. He is who he is, If you ask him he'll say that God made him that way and I believe he is right. It's my job to help him navigate his world and understand it and to get along in it. I will never try to change my child!

I know there are desperate parents out there who don't know where to turn and it saddens me that they look to "experts" to show them the way.
I feel for the parents but I really feel for the kids, I know from experience that helping an explosive child is challenging but it is worth the effort.

I remain calm now, I do not react, I let him get it out and I protect those around him and help him know that I am here and he can tell me anything.

My dear son just climbed into my lap, he really is a sweetie, the other day he called dibs on mom.

Don't know where that came from but they have been *calling dibs* on everything lately, me included :)


Sandra Dodd said...

I don't think helping a child choose the best of himself over the worst is the same as "changing a child." If you coach him toward more people-friendly behavior, I don't think you should feel guilty.

Probably you know about this, but there are a couple of being-more-peaceful pep-talky things, one of me and Ren Allen, and one with Richard Prystowsky:
rentalk and

My oldest used to be very physically expressive as a kid. Things were broken (and feelings were hurt), but he's much calmer. Coaching about expression and breathing and calming helped (his dad and I both did that) and he took karate, and that helped.

Donna said...

"Dibs on mom", I love that. It's so sweet. I would not be a fan of "changing" who my children are either. I have encountered this a bit in the martial arts world we have just entered. Seems a lot of people put their children in martial arts because they are taught respect and discipine. How about showing respect to the child first and maybe then the parents or other adult would deserve it?

unschoolermom said...

I agree. I don't think "change" is a good word to use at all. Helping our children overcome obstacles and control anger is not "changing" our children. If this program truly seeks to "change," that sounds more like mind-control than help.


D. Lollard said...

> explodes, yells, kicks, throw things and uses profanity

My only child/DD is seven, and I'd say when she was six it wouldn't have surprised me for her to have a fit now and then. She's always been very intense. She hardly ever really curses, and I always try to shrug it off when she does.

It's hard 'cause we're all parents raised in this farted-up society so we sort of have to blaze the pioneer trails to more humane ways of living. And there's nowhere to really escape to any more!

I'm not that familiar with System of a Down but what I've heard by them I thought was all right, somewhat subversive, not just cranked-out schlock. Kudos :)

Stephanie, myspace won't let me reply to the message you sent me cause I'm not your friend yet, but yes, that's me.

Tina said...

I've heard such commercials before and didn't like them. Ditto for stupid reality shows where the parents are SO respectful. I end up talking to the TV more often than not, so I don't watch.