Wednesday, February 11, 2009

sensitive emotions

My daughter is very intuitive, she feels deeply, she is full of emotions.

Last year she knew that Caramel, her guinea pig was going to die, she dreamed it.

Last night we were going through some of my sister's things. My sister died at the ripe old age of 21.

I have just a few of her belongings and some of them are for Cassie.

Last night she wanted to play with the porcelain dolls. I got them out for her and she started asking questions about Aunt Tiffany.

Then when it was like 2:30 am she said she felt nervous and scared and sad.

We talked a bit, she had some fears and she said she felt sad because she didn't get to meet my sister. She also misses Caramel terribly. The kids were playing around and they went over to where she is buried. I told Cassie she can visit Caramel and talk to her if she wants to.

I stayed with her, listened, validated and prayed over her. Her stomach was a bag of nerves.

She gets that from me...

I didn't finish this post last night because she was upset again.

I really listened to her and tried to console her and ease her nerves.

It is hard to see her so upset about this.

I honestly can't do anything about it, I can't fix it.

I'm a fixer, I like to solve people's problems, give them advice etc.

When we are talking about feelings, it is what is is, she has to feel what she feels.

When I was a kid, I would have been told how ridiculous I was being and would not have been validated in my feelings. It's probably why I internalized everything and become hard to protect myself.

The downfall of that is now I'm learning how to deal with resurfacing emotions and I have serious gut problems.

Kids are very intuitive, if we listen to them, they are wise.


justjuls said...

It is the hardest part of parenting to let your kids hurt - and stand by with nothing to do. My instinct is to fix it too - the best I can offer sometimes is chocolate. Really the best thing to do is listen. Validate. Don't diminish. The feelings are real. Not long ago Kaitlyn had a crying jag about us moving - and I just sat in her room with her - held her on my lap and let her cry. It was the best. I hated her hurt - but what I did was sit there and feel it with her.

Donna said...

I stuffed down so many emotions as a kid. My dad was a very non-emotional guy, it just wasn't safe to be emotional around him. I can relate to the movie The Wall so much, because I feel like I built a wall around myself as a child. It took a really long time to tear down the wall, and occasionally I start to build it up again, especially after someone hurts me. I think it's great that your children have the freedom to be themselves and feel their pain with you. I constantly have to remind myself to let my children do this. And I don't know if certain traits are inherited, or if my children have subconsciously picked it up from me, but I see them hide their emotions at times.

Deanne said...

It is scary and difficult learning to allow emotions to "just be", without trying to change them or stuff them down. But it's wonderful when you can hold on through the storm, and it passes! Much better than having it keep popping up because you never allowed it to be fully expressed it, right?
You are giving your kids a great gift, allowing them to experience their authentic feelings without "shoulds and should nots". May God continue to give you the strength and grace needed to do so! ;)

unschoolermom said...

Thank you for being there for your daughter and not asking her to stop her emotions! I hate it when parents make light of what their children are going through.


JoAnn said...

You are a wonderful mom. Much love to both you and Cassie.

Tina said...

Well, I'm a fixer upper from way back and it never seems to work really well. Wonder why?

I'm going through this right now with the boy/girl thing with Carly.

I'll have to sit it out though or I could really screw up.

Crying is an awesome release imo.