Friday, January 02, 2009

parents who instill fear instead of trust

I am always amazed by the poor parenting that I see.

I know some people are just clueless, or some are repeating bad habits from their own parents.

There are many of us who had terrible childhood's, yet we choose to break away and do it differently. We choose trust and respect instead of fear and punishment.

I think it falls right into choosing to homeschool instead of sending our kids away to an institution.

The things I hear from the kids who play here always make me go WTF?

Tonight the girl tells me that her mom is going to take away her tv. I asked her why, she said because she had it up too loud, I have to keep the volume below 20 or she'll take it away.

This is a small example of how they are in constant fear of what will be taken away, being grounded, getting spanked, yelled at or just plain not allowed to do anything.

Tonight I said your mother needs to get over it, then I realized I said it out loud.

I just don't get it.

The boy has gotten in trouble for asking to eat over before, he got summoned home and had the third degree about whether we invited him or he invited himself.

They never want to leave, they are here as long as they are *allowed* to be.

Sometimes I'm not in the mood to be their parent also, but I realize what they are living with and I feel for them.

I just don't get why some people treat their children so badly and their kids live in fear.

It's asinine!

I just wish I could slap people upside the head and give them a clue about the lasting effects of their stupidity.


justjuls said...

This is so true.
Did I tell you about what I heard on the View one morning? Sherry Shepherd was talking about friends of hers who told their kids that if they weren't "good" they wouldn't get anything for Christmas and they didn't because evidently they weren't good. When asked about the heinous crime these kids committed - it was that they didn't get good grades. So they got NOTHING for Christmas!!! WTF????

unschoolermom said...

I think everything can be taken to the extreme - like justjuls' example. I think some parents are just trying to impose consequenses for actions. I try to be easy-going, but I'll be the first to admit I am not always. For instance, in the issue of the TV being too loud - perhaps they're concerned it will harm her hearing. Perhaps they have told her to keep the volume down, and she hasn't. So they have moved to the next step. Sometimes, I know I am guilty of this at times, we do things, as parents, for the child's own good. At one point, both of my sons went through a throwing stage - throwing toys at each other. No matter what I tried, they would not stop. So I did put the toys up to show them they could not throw things at each other. Someone was going to be hurt. I agree that some parents do take this to the extreme, definitely. Some do use fear tactics. But sometimes children do not see it from the parent's viewpoint, if that makes sense. They are only saying what the consequence was.

Kandy - just trying to see all perspectives. :^)