Lights Out

We had strong storms blow through here last night and some tornadoes in the area. We lost our power but that is all and I'm so thankful for that.

The kids were like what are we supposed to do? I'm bored. I can't play nintendo, watch a movie or get on the computer...

We lit some candles and hung out in the living room. They were goofing off, joking, playing around, talking.

Then they started reading books, kind of hard by candle...Except Brennan, he was the most bored and didn't want to look at a book.

They said they are so glad we aren't Amish, they would hate to be without power all the time.

We had no music, then Brenny grabbed his MP3 player, it only has 5 songs on it. So everyone wanted a turn listening, he actually charged Cassie .75 and she paid him...Oh gosh it was just so funny, but I guess you had to be there...

Then I went and dug up a Mad Libs and we did a few of those.

Next thing we knew it was 2 am and we all headed to our rooms to try and sleep.

Grocery store parenting

I witnessed something today that made me feel bad for the kid and the parents. It wasn't the typical sit down or I'll spank you, of course I HATE that one.

It was a baby/toddler I'm thinking maybe 2 years old sitting in the cart saying loudly *batteries, batteries, I need batteries* Get batteries, where's the batteries*

We were at the spice section, I was looking for cinnamon and the dad was in front of it but he noticed me before I could say excuse me.

He said oh I'm sorry, I said no problem.

He told the mom to tell the kid to shut up. So she tells him to shut up he keeps talking about batteries....

Then the dad says *Will you shut the hell up* pretty loudly...

I understand the frustration that can happen having young kids in the store. I've been shopping with kids for over 15 years now.

I'm pretty positive that I've never said shut the hell up to my toddler.

Part of me wanted to say something in defense of the child but I just kept walking.

I saw them again in another aisle and the little boy wasn't yelling about batteries anymore.

It just made me stop and think to make sure I am aware of what I say to my kids.

I get frustrated, who doesn't?

It's important to be mindful of our words.

I encourage all of you to just stop and think about how you talk to your children.

Sometimes I say something and wish I hadn't and I apologize for sounding mean.

Being aware is the first step to changing.

Kids remember these things, I remember all sorts of crap that was said to me, it sticks with you.

Yes!

Ok!
Oil of Oregano Rocks!

My immune system is so much better! A couple years ago this virus would've kicked my ass for two weeks, instead two days!

My vitamin D levels must be improving! They were dangerously low 2 years ago and still low last July. That explains my long illnesses.

I was feeling like serious shit yesterday. I took 3 doses of Oil of Oregano 3 times for two days.
I'm feeling so much better!

I'm just tired and stuffed up, everything else is gone.
yeah we'll see what I  feel like in the morning!

Just had a long talk with Cassie, all sorts of questions...

Spanning from, Easter, God, dinosaurs, Jesus, big bang, monkeys, Mary, immaculate conception, Joseph, the cross,Adam and Eve, what do you believe, how do we know what is real,  faith...holy shit we covered a lot of ground!

I answered my best and talked about how glad I am that she has these questions and how I want her to form her own opinion and beliefs.

Cassie and I had an awesome conversation!

Life Rocks!
Keep it Real...
Jared is working on his gear for  his BMX outfit...

I tried...

I did good!

I can't remember the last time I was sick so it's been awhile.

I woke up today with my throat sore and it just morphed into tired, headache, body aches, swollen gland, earache, tight chest, not happy Bob, not happy!

One good thing it was 66 degrees and sunny, I went for  a walk and sat out in the yard for quite  awhile trying to get natural vitamin D.

I take a supplement everyday  but it's not the same as the real deal.

I also had a weird freak out/anxiety moment.

Jason went to look at a tub, he said, *I may be back with a tub*

He had just went a delivered a finished  tub and was going to look at another to buy.

I said those will be your famous last words, joking, he said * I don't want it to be my last words*

A few minutes later I heard sirens and got a sick feeling in my stomach...
I tried to shake it off  but I couldn't.
I called both his phones twice, no answer...

I told myself he was fine, probably no reception...

I asked God for him to call me...

More time went by, I texted him...

I washed the dishes...

He finally called me, he didn't have reception in the boonies...

UGH! I hate  feeling like that!

Not feeling well didn't help.

I watched Into The Wild tonight, true story, great movie line, sad ending....

I took a bath and had some wine and I'm heading to bed.

Hope to kick this virus in the ass!

Excellent quote!

When you are truly genuine, there will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case you must be your own bad ass self without apology..." -Katie Goodman

Do you ever...

Think that you are the only one who thinks what you think, believes what you believe, feels what you feel about any given thing?

Ok, obviously I am the only one that thinks what I think in my own head but I mean a sort of hey yeah, I've thought that before...

I know I am unique, trust me, I believe we are all unique.

I believe we do have similarities with others, we as humans seek out those that are like us...

When I answer any question, respond to anything happening in the world or in my house, I know that my take on it is rare, it's not the norm, it's different.

My dear husband  loves me so but even he will tell you my views are out there on some things, hell everything, it seems.

Sometimes I really feel alone in my thoughts and opinions and most of the time that is fine, I guess once in awhile it would be nice if someone said, yeah I get  that.

But you have no idea what I'm referring to?

Nothing real specific, ask me something? I just know that my answer is different, especially in regards to parenting, school, government...

Maybe I'm having a government induced post?

In my world, it would be anarchism so well....yeah.... responsibility and respect, never gonna happen....

The state we are in now just saddens me, and really pisses me off if I let it.
The school system is knee deep in government.

Our lives, what we eat, what lightbulbs we use, what we drive,how fast we drive, when we can vote, when we can buy alcohol,  how we educate our kids, who we marry etc...

Big brother thinks they can dictate because we are too stupid, thanks to the wonderful public school system, I agree on the stupid part, BUT I  escaped, I can think for myself and I know many of my friends can too...I'm sick of it. Oh and taxation is theft.... That's a whole nother topic....

Who knows, maybe you don't care what my opinion is, I'm pretty sure the government doesn't either. But they can leave me alone to live in peace or they can bite me.

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Trash :: garbage
2. Abs :: muscles
3. Dating :: fun
4. Hooked :: on phonics...oy
5. Face :: not just another pretty face
6. Algebra :: sucks
7. Reading :: railroad
8. Horrendous :: awful
9. Looks :: if looks could kill
10. Python :: snake

How exciting :)
Haven't done these in awhile
Wanna play?

Luna Nina

Cooking

Kieran has been cooking and baking quite often lately.

He has a real knack for it.

He enjoys it and he is very good at it.

It's great to have someone in the house that can cook and wants to cook :)

Life without school

Our kids have never been to school and I'm pretty sure they won't ever. I know I can't predict the future but we live as if school didn't exist because in our lives it doesn't.

We want freedom from the standards, grades, tests, subjects, schedule etc...

We live and learn each day without school.

Learning is as natural as breathing when one has never been stifled by schooling.

Learning is not a chore, it is not a lesson given by a teacher, it is not something only done Monday through Friday from 8-2.

Learning is a personal thing between the learner and the world. We can't make someone learn, sure we can try but it's artificial.

Learning through Living is the best and most easy way to learn anything.

When we want information, we seek it out, we research on the web, go to the library, ask someone who we believe may know, watch tv/movies, experiment, try something new, be creative.

School is not essential to life and it really is a hazard to an individual's learning style.

When one is not schooled, they know how they learn best and they just do it.

Think outside of the box, leap outside of the box, it's worth it!

I am amazed everyday by my children, they truly Learn through Living!

Adolescence

Noun:
the period in human development that occurs between the beginning of puberty and adulthood

I believe that our society has made adolescence into  a stuck period of time. High school is basically age 14 - 18. At a time when young people are growing and maturing we lock them up with others the same age.

It's a hormone fest for one thing. It's full of Cliques, peer pressure, bullying, grades, tests, stress, trying to be yourself or someone you're not, following the rules, breaking the rules, following the crowd, not thinking for yourself...

High School is a collossal waste of time and of youth.

I believe that teens can and should be following their interests and learning what they need when they need it. I believe that for every child.

Teens can be doing meaningful work, real work, getting paid.

I just don't see the point of high school. It is not to prepare you for the real world. What in the real world resembles school?

Nothing! Nothing at all!

School is an artificial environment set up to control the masses. It is very simple.

It is an escape for teens to get away from their controlling parents. While the school officials attempt to control, it's really the home environment that controls.

Instead of being controlled they need to be thinking and doing.

People need to be free to learn and grow and think for themselves.

They do not need to be stuck in a classroom all day being fed bullshit and regurgitating it on command.

“Your teacher cannot bridge the gap between what you know and what you want to know. For his words to ‘educate’ you, you must welcome them, think about them, find somewhere for your mind to organize them, and remember them.Your learning is your job, not your teacher’s job. And all you need to start with is desire. You don’t need a schoolteacher to get knowledge – you can get it from looking at the world, from watching films, from conversations, from reading, from asking questions, from experience.”


“Real learning requires meaning. Meaningless information can be memorized and repeated, but it’s not learning.


Grace Llewellyn

Sweet

Big brother playing with little brother :)

Importance of bonding

noun:

Bonding: A relationship that usually begins at the time of birth between a parent and offspring and that establishes the basis for an ongoing mutual attachment.

I believe that it is imperative to bond with our babies right from the womb and time of birth. I wonder if many people actually realize that it has a lasting impact on that persons life. Some may even think that babies don't remember, oh I believe they do. I am going to be the example here, I didn't realize the impact until a few years ago. 

I would say I was detachment parented. I was not breastfed or held all the time, I was left to cry, I never bonded with my parents. I did have a bond with my grandfather that I have held dear to me but he is gone and he didn't raise me. He did hold me on his chest, I was a colicky baby and he soothed me and loved me.

The bond with my grandfather lasted into childhood and adulthood even though we lived 3000 miles apart most of the time, it was there, it was special, it's still there and he died years ago.

My parents were teenagers and really not ready to be parents, I'm thankful that I'm here, that my mom had me. I had a rough childhood and a worse teenagehood. 

I didn't realize until a couple years ago what was happening, lots of memories coming back of things I wanted to forget. I had a few therapy sessions with a doctor and he said I need to parent myself. I need to be the mother to the little girl inside me that is screaming to be loved.

I need to take a break...tears...

My parents loved me in their own way, I suppose. Even now it comes with conditions at least from my father. My mom and I have come a long way but we are still very far. I know where she came from, I know my grandmother, so my mom was ridiculed and belittled her whole life, my grandmother just stopped bringing up every mistake my mom has made a few years ago. In that respect my mom did better than what she had...

Babies need to bond with their caretaker, they need to feel loved and secure. They need to know when they cry someone will pick them up and hold them and talk to them  and find out what they need. It is vital to healthy attachments later in life.

I have kept people at arms length my whole life. It is very hard for me to love and trust completely because I've been hurt so much for so long. I need to find a way to nurture my inner child, she is in there somewhere and once in awhile I do feel like that scared little girl hiding in the closet. She didn't last long though, she turned into a cold hearted bitch and that worked for her for several years.

Now she is vulnerable, feeling things she doesn't want to feel, real emotions that make her sad, hurt, alone, misguided, pissed off, damaged...



I am damaged goods and it sucks to say  that but I think it's true...



I just had a breakthrough in the tub that I will leave for a part 2...



One thing about having had therapy, I can also do it myself, it's not quite as effective but I learn new things and it's much cheaper.

Balance

–noun

1.

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

2.

something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.

3.

mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

These are the first 3 entries at dictionary.com

I am not a balanced person literally, figuratively or physically, mentally etc...

I think that society shoves this at us, we must be a jack of all trades and master of none. We must have exposure to everything. School promoters want us to be well rounded, have a well rounded education.

–adjective

1.

having desirably varied abilities or attainments.

2.

desirably varied: a well-rounded curriculum.

3.

fully developed; well-balanced.

Well balanced , LMAO! 

So yes I do need my hormones to get in balance, but what if I can't? I've tried lots of things and what I'm on now does help. I still have certain days where I am all over the place. I've been quite freaky today. I chart my *symptoms* by day of cycle, there is a pattern. I don't always write things down, my husband knows me well and when I start having certain symptoms he says *Yep it's that time* he doesn't know what day I'm on but he knows.... 

In my regular non hormonal life(if there is such a thing) I am extreme, I love you or I hate you, I'm pissed off or I'm fine, I eat too much or not enough, I drink too much or not at all, I swear  too much or make up really fucked up words trying not to swear. My kids get a giggle out of that. I drop things, I break dishes, I am not graceful. I like my music loud, I like to drink, I like to swear. It is the real me.

Moderation is not my thing!

–noun
 

1.

the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance.

NOT ME!

So love me  or hate me I really don't care but I gotta be me! I do not like to be restrained or controlled so back the fuck off!

I'm getting myself back, I got lost somewhere along the way. 

That is why I say you unschool or you don't. People think there is a gray bar, really I know there is a progressive line but you either do or don't, it's so simple in my mind...

Unschooling is the way, it is the key to getting back a society of free thinking people. Our children are the next generation so lets not fuck them up!

Any questions??????????

 

 

Physical growth

My kids are growing up on me!

Kieran (15) 5'7
Brennan (12) 5'7 1/2
Cassandra (11) 5'1 1/4
Jared (8) 4'5 1/4

More Rockin

I forgot to mention My Darkest Days

We saw them with Evans Blue.

They put on a hell of a show!
Excellent band!

Rockin

Jason and I have gone to 3 concerts the last few months. It's awesome to hear live music, just awesome!

Our kids are finally old enough that we can leave for a few hours and not have to worry.

It's bittersweet.

We have only gone out a few times in the last 15 years, we just didn't leave the kids and didn't really have anyone to leave them with.

We have seen Evans Blue and  Framing Hanley and we have seen several local bands and one that opened for Framing Hanley I absolutely love. We have seen them twice now, they are Adalene 
I'm listening to their CD right now, we bought it at the last concert.

I love rock music, rock on!

Random about me

I used to blog a lot about unschooling, public school, parenting, politics etc... I kind of went in a hole the past two years.

I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues coming up from childhood and hormone, anxiety and blood pressure issues to name a few. We also dealt with unemployment and moved a year ago.

I want to get back into being out there and saying what's on my mind.

I've been to many doctors, I've had many tests, I kind of know a bit about what my body needs but it's hard to stay on supplements and good food, it costs a lot of money.

I'll be 40 later this year and I really want to have all of this shit figured out, I want to be healthy and feel good and have some sort of balance.

I was thinking though, I am an extreme person so maybe balance isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I'm quite fun and interesting with my hormonal swings... Except when I cry for no reason, that's not fun...

Yesterday I was feeling really off, I mean weird..er...than usual. My husband says it's your hormones, roll with it, some people take drugs to feel what you are feeling...

I'm a bit better today but I had a blood pressure spike at 8 am that woke me up... I'm erratic still, I'm on meds that I want to get off, so fixing what is causing this would help.

I'm way better than I was a year ago, I was having serious issues, I don't remember if I blogged about it here, it was probably on my private blog. Anyway if I look back I can see how much better I am.

I've also lost about 22 pounds the past few months, that makes me happier, I still would like to drop another 20,  if it happens, it happens.

Today

Well technically it's yesterday because it's after midnight. My day starts and ends when I sleep and wake and has little to do with the time or calendar...Oh the life I live :)

So I just had wine and a hot bath, I'm temporarily warm, it's 13 degrees out, nuff said.

School has been cancelled this week, I know that in states where it's usually cold and snowy they don't get out of school but here in middle TN they do.

My daughter went to her friend's house today and when I talked with the mom she said she hopes they go back to school tomorrow.

She said *I don't know how you do it* They eat all day etc... How do I do IT? I know them and I guarantee they are driving her crazy and she only has 2 kids.

She isn't the first person to say that to me in the last 15 years. I choose to do it, that is HOW I do IT!

So I've been away from this for awhile now because my kids needed me... Makes it hard to remember what the hell I was saying...

I choose to be with my kids, it's that simple. I want to be with my kids, I want to be here, they want to be here. School was never an option and still isn't, school doesn't exist in our lives.

I can't imagine being the parent who can't wait for school to start, it's sad and wrong and sad...

I had more but it will wait until next time.

Freezing!

I may not blog about anything profound again until I can defrost! I am so cold!

I just went to the store and the wind chill just went right through me.

I was not made for this weather.

I thought I moved South but shit that is out the window.

I know I can't control the weather and it sucks that the weather affects me.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, most days I don't have to go anywhere, so I got that going for me.

I freeze in the house too, I just can't stand to be frozen.

My feet are numb.

Coffee just warmed me up, mostly, it hasn't reached my feet yet...

Not really bitching just stating my dislike for freezing my ass off!

I don't like it when it's 100 out either!

But this is absurd and not normal temps.

Sleep freedom

I've written about sleep and arbitrary bedtimes before.

This is just a little more insight into watching my children truly sleep when they are tired.

When they go to  bed varies usually between 1am and 5am.

Lately Cassie has been all turned around. She was staying up all night and sleeping all day for a week or two. Now this past week, she has been sleeping around 5-6pm until 3-5am. So she has been up in the day and asleep at night. Actually last week it was something like sleep 2-6am, get up and then go back to sleep around noon, just really odd...

Tonight she went to bed at 5 and is sleeping now. She'll wake up sometime early in the morning.

She is on a growth spurt. The last time she switched her sleep around, she ate, slept and grew. I wrote about it in the post Late Night Life, no linky at the moment....

She is 11 and is preparing for womanhood, she has grown a couple inches already. They literally grow in their sleep.

I am just so glad that she can do this. When I was a kid I suffered migraines and exhaustion among other things because I had to get up and go to school even though I just fell asleep.

She is truly listening to her body and sleeping when she needs to no matter what the clock says.

Freedom is beautiful!

I still don't sleep right. I'll leave you with  Holt:

"I can't help noting that no cultures in the world that I have ever heard of make such a fuss about children's bedtimes, and no cultures have so many adults who find it so hard either to go to sleep or wake up. Could these social facts be connected? I strongly suspect they are."
~John Holt~