Tuesday, January 18, 2011


a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.
something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.
These are the first 3 entries at dictionary.com

I am not a balanced person literally, figuratively or physically, mentally etc...
I think that society shoves this at us, we must be a jack of all trades and master of none. We must have exposure to everything. School promoters want us to be well rounded, have a well rounded education.
having desirably varied abilities or attainments.
desirably varied: a well-rounded curriculum.
fully developed; well-balanced.

Well balanced , LMAO! 

So yes I do need my hormones to get in balance, but what if I can't? I've tried lots of things and what I'm on now does help. I still have certain days where I am all over the place. I've been quite freaky today. I chart my *symptoms* by day of cycle, there is a pattern. I don't always write things down, my husband knows me well and when I start having certain symptoms he says *Yep it's that time* he doesn't know what day I'm on but he knows.... 

In my regular non hormonal life(if there is such a thing) I am extreme, I love you or I hate you, I'm pissed off or I'm fine, I eat too much or not enough, I drink too much or not at all, I swear  too much or make up really fucked up words trying not to swear. My kids get a giggle out of that. I drop things, I break dishes, I am not graceful. I like my music loud, I like to drink, I like to swear. It is the real me.
Moderation is not my thing!

the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance.

So love me  or hate me I really don't care but I gotta be me! I do not like to be restrained or controlled so back the fuck off!

I'm getting myself back, I got lost somewhere along the way. 

That is why I say you unschool or you don't. People think there is a gray bar, really I know there is a progressive line but you either do or don't, it's so simple in my mind...

Unschooling is the way, it is the key to getting back a society of free thinking people. Our children are the next generation so lets not fuck them up!

Any questions??????????


jen said...

Love this.

Stephanie said...

Thanks Jen! I thought that I might lose some readers with that one, just being me :)

L.J. Lowe said...

You sound angry. Why? If you want to change and grow, then do so... for yourself. It doesn't matter what other people think.

Stephanie said...

Angry? Really? No, I'm not angry, I just tell it like it is. Yes I have some restraints from my past and healing to do. I'm just saying I'm me and maybe being balanced isn't me?

L.J. Lowe said...

"So love me or hate me I really don't care but I gotta be me! I do not like to be restrained or controlled so back the fuck off!"

This sounds angry. You are you telling to back the fuck off?

And you tell it like you see it, through your life lens, not everyone else has those same life experiences that they see life through. This is where love and compassion comes into play with one another.

Stephanie said...

My parents...

I wasn't shown love and compassion, if these are learned traits, I may need to learn them.

Sometimes I just like to spout off it makes me feel better.

Everyone sees life through their own experiences.

Stephanie said...

I'm not a lovey dovey person either. I don't love people, I barely like people in general.
I care about certain people in my life.
Of course I'm not so cold that I don't have empathy, especially for children.
As you see I have a lot to sort through and a long way to go. I need to heal because otherwise I'll be stuck.

Stephanie said...

This is making me think of blogging about my experience and realizing how important is is to bond with your baby and treat your children respectfully. People don;'t think it has a lasting impact but it does. I didn't even know it until a couple years ago. Yes, I will think on this...

L.J. Lowe said...

i hope i didn't make it sound like being angry wasn't ok. it's perfectly ok to be angry... it's a human emotion and it's ok to feel it and express it in a healthy way. you know as well as i do that anger is usual a cover for pain... once you've moved beyond the anger and are dealing with the pain... that's when the healing really begins.


love you

Stephanie said...

I thought I was past angry...

L.J. Lowe said...

Oh anger pops up alot for me still... it's easier to deal with than pain.

Just Juls said...

Love you - no hating here. :)