Tuesday, June 02, 2009

spanking, hitting, abuse

I have absolutely no respect for anyone who hits a child.

If you are a reformed spanker than my hat is off to you, congratulations!

If you hit your kid in the name of God, shame on you. I have heard people say they spank out of love. That is some kind of twisted love. We don't hit people we love.

It's no different than a man who hits his girlfriend/wife. He has serious issues and he will claim to love that person even though he abuses them.

That is NOT love!

So many people get caught in the abuse cycle, stuck in the trap.

They start to believe it is actually their fault that the person they love hits them.

There is absolutely no valid reason to hit a child.

None whatsoever!

If my husband ever raised his hand at me like he was going to hit me our relationship would NEVER be the same. It would be forever tarnished, if he actually hit me I would leave him in a second.

My husband is awesome and would never lay a hand on me in anger but I needed to make my point.

If he ever hit our children I would be gone. I will not tolerate abuse of any kind.
You do not hit children, it's all abuse.

I am so disheartened by people who spank their kids and believe it's ok.

Did you ever think how that child feels?

Did you ever for a second imagine what that will do to them for the rest of their life?

I was not spanked as a child.

I was punched and slapped in my early teen years.

What's the difference?

The emotional wound is the same, the physical wound is in a different spot.

Just being hit once, never ever leaves you, it never leaves.

I implore you, please think twice before you ever lay a hand on your child or loved one.


Deanna said...

I'm not debating whether or not spanking is right or wrong but I do believe there is a huge difference between being "punched and slapped" as a teen and being spanked as a young child. The "emotional wounds" you bear from the abuse you received is MUCH worse than what someone who was occasionally spanked as a child bears. To claim it's the same greatly minimizes what you endured.

Deanne said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly Stephanie!

Donna said...

I was hit with a belt and bare hands as child. I was smacked across the face and had things thrown at me as a teen......sorry Deanna, but the pain of both is equal, at least it was for me. I was about 6 when my mom pulled my pants down in front of one of her friends and beat my bare butt. There is always something emotional that happens when you have been hit regardless of how old you were when it happened. When I was a child I felt betrayed and that I couldn't trust the only adults who were supposed to care for me. As a teen it just furthered my rage at my parents. I am thankful that I never hit my children. I did verbally rage at them a bit when they were younger which I know can be equally damaging. When you know better you do better. When I healed myself I became a better mother.

Deanna said...

I'm sorry you experienced that Donna. But from the way you describe what was done to you as a young child, that was hitting, not spanking, and I can totally see why that would be emotionally damaging.

Again, I'm not defending spanking but an occasional swat on the clothed bottom of a young child (not with pants pulled down and in front of people) by a loving parent doesn't necessarily cause emotional trauma.

On the other hand, having had two experiences in a Christian school in which I was unfairly punished for something I did not do, I do understand the emotional trauma of that. Those two teachers were mean, unloving, and unreasonable. Even though there was almost no real physical pain involved, I am still traumatized by those incidents.

According to my parents I did receive some spankings as a very young child which I don't recall. I only remember one spanking from my dad when I was a little older for fighting with my brother in the car in front of his business. I was irritated that we both got in trouble when it was Mike's fault (grin) but I was not traumatized by it. I knew my parents loved me and they were generally fair and very good parents.

The very fact that you were smacked in the face and had things thrown at you as a teen indicates that your parent(s) had some real problems. Again, I'm really sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. I'm only pointing out that there is a difference between being occasionally swatted as a young child by otherwise very loving parents and being raised by parents who obviously had issues. Your children are fortunate that you've been able to do better for them.

JJ Ross said...

It's not a useful or loving distinction though. Stephanie and Deanne are right. It is a justification, like the ones that not so long ago were given by us decent southern people to excuse a bigoted separatist culture we grew up with and were accustomed to thus didn't find strange -- oh, they'd rather be with their own kind so let's keep things separate, don't embarrass the maid by asking her to sit at the table with us to eat her sandwich, etc.

Don't play into that. No hitting period. Once upon a time I self-righteously defended cigarette smoking as a personal liberty America dared not control, as if that were the most important thing about it. It isn't.

Deanna said...

Stephanie wrote:

"There is absolutely no valid reason to hit a child. None whatsoever!"

I didn't disagree with that statement.

She then wrote:

"I was not spanked as a child.I was punched and slapped in my early teen years.What's the difference?"

That's what I take issue with. I'm not justifying anything and comparing the spanking of a child with the acceptance of racism is a pretty good stretch.

Stephanie admits she wasn't spanked as a child so I'm not sure how she can be certain that "the emotional wound is the same."

Again, I'm not defending spanking; merely pointing out that the results may not be the same as being "punched and slapped" as a teen.

JJ Ross said...

And again, it is not a helpful distinction, to anyone. It is hurtful. Literally. So why keep repeating it?

Deanna said...

I started this discussion in part to suggest that Stephanie's assertion actually minimalized the terrible things she endured as a teen. I'm apparently not getting my point across so I'll bow out.

Stephanie said...

I wasn't hit but my brother was and I am wounded from it. I wish I could've protected him better.

When my parents separated my 4 yr old brother started pooping his pants.

Many well meaning christians advised my mom to spank him with a belt. Beat it out of him. I got to where I would clean him up if I could. I am traumatized from that, my mom was doing what she believed to be right because she was told it would work. UGH! It was emotional for my brother not some physical defiance.

I've seen people swat toddlers, it's still wrong and then they tell the same child not to hit. How hypocritical.

I still advocate no hitting whatsoever, lines can't be blurred then.

Stephanie said...

Deanna, thank you for saying that what I experienced as a teen was traumatic.
You just don't forget someone sitting on top of you beating the shit out of you.

Anonymous said...

I can remember being spanked from the age of 3, always naked, and always with a belt. This even happened after puberty. I was even whipped on the bare breasts and genitals. No one should be spanked - it can turn into horrible abuse.