Sunday, July 22, 2012

Parenting for the children

There are just too many examples of harmful parenting out there. Perhaps it's always been this way but the internet makes it more readily available to hear and see. Or maybe it really has gotten worse. I don't know. It is disheartening to me to see the latest bad parenting by public humiliation. This is where the parent makes a sign stating whatever the child did and makes them stand out on a street corner for strangers to see. What is even worse to me is that many people agree with this and think it's a great idea because kids these days are rotten and disrespectful etc...

Honestly it is the parent that causes these kids to be this way. If you are demanding, controlling, belittling, mean, rude, disrespectful etc. to your child, how do you think they will be? You get what you give. People talk about spoiling babies, terrible two's, terrible teens etc... If that is what you expect that is what you will get.

I love babies they are tiny human beings, not food, they don't spoil. They thrive on human interaction and touch and being talked to and loved. Toddlers are wonderful little people exploring their world and teens are downright fun. I loved having toddlers and now I enjoy them as teens. My kids are not terrible they are wonderful.

Are we perfect? No, nobody is perfect. We decided to have kids and then decided to raise them as partners not adversaries. We take every situation as it comes, each child is different, each situation is different. We discuss behaviors and how to act in certain situations. Our kids have never been in trouble or punished.

When you set up an adversarial relationship and add in school, which in my opinion is the crux of the demise of families, you are going to get all of the behaviors you didn't want. Schools put a wedge between parent and child right from the start and by the time they are teens it's only worse. Yes, I know some people have a good relationship with their child even though they attend school. Let's face it, they are the exception, not the norm.

When you parent from a place of love, trust and respect, live with principles instead of rigid rules and build that foundation it manifests as the child grows. Then you suddenly have a house full of teens that love, trust and respect you because that is what they know.

Be your child's partner in this life not their enemy.

Some people think it's cool to rule and control, I don't get that at all. If you think humiliating your child in public will all of a sudden make them learn and change, you are wrong. I believe it will make them bitter and angry and cause more disrespect as they grow.

I'm almost a little concerned about what kind of world my children will live in as adults. I see the generation they are a part of and the way these kids are being raised is appalling to me. I know there are people out there who get how we parent but we are such a small percentage. The big picture are people being raised in a controlling environment without autonomy or respect. There are lots of teenage punks out there that don't care about anything and don't respect other people or their property. It's all in how they were raised.

If you are one of these parents I speak of  I implore you to take a long, hard look at the long term damage that you are inflicting on your children. Take steps to change, get help, whatever it may be but please stop damaging your kids.

I am still trying to heal from my childhood, therapy has helped a little but there is a lot of damage that just can't be undone.

Let's raise children that don't need to recover from their childhood!


Deanna said...

I absolutely despise the public humiliation trend.

Penny said...

Amen sista'!

Karen Lee said...

I absolutely agree! The crestfallen look on a child's face, when ridiculed by one who should love them most, makes me want to both weep for the child and tell off the parent. Maybe from now on I'll just direct them to this post!

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