Sunday, November 20, 2011

Life...How it's been lately...

My friend said I should write about what is going on. I didn't think anyone would really want to know what's been going on but here goes...

 Things have been very tough. Three months ago my husband was let go of his job. He does own his own business and has been building it part time while working a full time job  for almost 2 years.  Just over two years ago he lost his job and was unemployed for 4 months. That was a very difficult time and I really didn't want to repeat it.

 Last year was a very prosperous year and he made more than he ever has, maybe not a lot for some people. Trust me the tax man took a big cut. We were blessed to be able to help many others in their time of need.

I really wonder why this happened again? Was I too comfortable? Was I spoiled with wine, chocolate and rock concerts? Too used to certain things because now we are going without things.

My attitude has been in a really bad place. In September he was hit, our van was totaled. We went through a 6 week ordeal dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. Long story short it was securing a loan so they paid off the loan and we have a broken van. I am not satisfied at all with this but I have tried to let it go. I admit that I still get pissed if I think about it. Things don't roll off me, they stick around until I'm good and ready to be done with them.

Times are very tough. Business is very slow. We get to where it seems something will happen then it is taken away. Doors keep closing and walls keep going up. I sure haven't seen one open after one closes, nothing to replace what was lost.

I hate all of the cliche's that you hear about going through trials. I have a hard time having faith or hope. I just don't have much evidence.

 I have been forcing myself to list the things I am thankful for everyday. I know it could be worse. I am thankful for many things but I am just so mad about so much also. I have to feel what I feel.

It really feels like so much is against us, the last 3 months have been very stressful. My body isn't doing well, my hormones and anxiety and blood pressure and stomach all need me to release the stress. I don't want to worry about the rent or the water etc.... I want to live.

I've been a   bit withdrawn and not being the best wife, mother and friend that I used to be or can be. My attitude has been sucking to say the least.

I'm trying to see the good and believe that it will be ok but it's really hard. I have no idea why this is happening or how we'll get through it. We got through it two years ago and I really thought that horrible time was over. We had a fresh start and now that is gone too.

There is something comical though. We were all used to having certain things and have had to go without or make substitutes. I bought generic cat food and the cats won't eat it. It's just funny to me that even the cats are pissed, you should see how they are acting.

The thing with these cats, they were strays that decided to stay here. They live outside because I'm allergic, I told them to go catch a mouse.

The kids are adjusting but I can see that some things are a bit hard for them. Mostly just adjusting to not having certain things or being able to go places. They do really well through this all though. I don't want them to see me being a negative bitch, I'm trying to keep it under raps. I'm trying to make the best of it, they are trying too.


Jenny said...

"Even the cats are pissed," ha ha I love it! Haven't visited your blog for a few months. (I no longer blog myself.) Unfortunately, I don't have anything helpful to say, but thanks for sharing.ento

The Cooking Whore said...

Been there, still there. I feel your pain. Fate has put you in this place to learn from, as I know it has me as well. Just keep staying strong and do what you can do. Good luck!