Dinner

Jason and I went out to dinner tonight for our anniversary.

We haven't been out in 4 years!

We are blessed with a friend that Jared likes and he did great, he hardly realized we were gone for 2 hours.

It was so weird to be in public alone without the kids.

We went to Outback Steakhouse, it was sooooo good, we are so full.

I really love their slogan, "No rules, just right"

Prevent abuse

I have been thinking way too much and not writing at all.

Some stereotypes and labels bother me, what bothers me is the people that make the stereotypes true.

First I'm talking about Christians who give us a bad name, you know the ones I'm talking about?

People hit their kids and the man rules over the wife and children and it's all because they are Christian. I have had to stand up lately and say hey I'm a Christian and I don't do that or believe this and it really pisses me off that non-Christians are getting the example of Christianity from people who I believe are misrepresenting Christ because the Jesus I know would not act like that and He definitely wouldn't hit a child.

My friend Deanne has posted about National Child Abuse Prevention Month and I wanted to pass it on.

Beautiful Day

The sun came out, the sun came out!!!!

All day and was warm in the 70's!

Thanks to whoever gave pudge some peanut butter :)

If you think I'm off my rocker(well I am) you must not have seen Lilo & Stitch.

Jason and Kieran did lots of yardwork, my baby ran the weed eater and mowed, he wasn't big enough last year...growing up on me fast.

I went for a walk and went outside as much as I could and did various things around the house. Nice weather makes me want to clean and declutter and organize, I must be nuts!

Hope you all had a glorious day!

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Nutritious :: Delicious


2. Graduate :: How do you graduate from life?


3. Tonight! :: the night we make history...


4. Located :: Found


5. Weapon :: BAR Browning Automatic Rifle


6. Jumper :: Cables


7. Collectibles :: Elephants


8. Dennis :: The Menace


9. Hostile :: Missiles


10. Vivid :: I can see clearly now...

Luna Nina

Unschooling Voices Issue 14

Issue 14 is up, check it out when you can.

I didn't post an entry this month, I started to write one it's in my drafts, I just wasn't happy with it. It's like being put on the spot, I know you don't have to answer the question, oh well.

Sun?

Who gave Pudge tuna?

Don't you know it's an abomination?

Someone please give that fish a peanut butter sandwich, I need sunshine!

Blah...

I am feeling BLAH!!!!

I guess I am affected when we have more than one rainy day in a row, where did the sun go???? Come back come back!

It's also post menstrual and I do have a few down days after that so I figure I'll be fine tomorrow.

I guess I have a lot on my mind and I have a lot I want to do and I don't know where to start.

I also am bothered by some things that the neighbors tell me that their teachers say.

School is so damaging to families it just separates them and indoctrinates the kids, it really saddens me.

I wish I could save them, I would shout from the rooftop, I would hand out Holt and Gatto books at the street corner if I could afford it.

All I can do is not participate in the system and help those who want my help to see the light.

Some people complain about the system, the teachers, the homework but still keep sending their precious children there. They are full of hot air and unwilling to step out of the box and do something about it.

Many people just think it's what they are supposed to do or feel trapped, I believe everyone has a choice and where there is a will there is a way.

I will do whatever it takes to keep my children home with me.

Unschooling Rocks!

Learning through living is what we do.

I got the goods

Here is what my sweety got me today. He's the man!

These flowers are gorgeous and they smell so good.

Hitched

We have been married for 15 years now, together for over 19 years.

We have grown together and it keeps getting better.

This is our song *Just Between You and Me*

Gag

So Jared and I are in Kroger's parking lot and I'm putting the stuff in the van and he is dancing around.

The people next to us are putting their stuff in their car and the lady asks Jared what he has. He is shaking a thing of Tic -Tacs and she goes, "oh you have tic tacs you must have been good in the store, were you a good boy so you got a treat." Jared just went *HUH*

I didn't say anything, what could I say?

No he didn't get a treat for being a good boy because he isn't a freakin dog!

He gets something EVERY time we go to Kroger, it's part of his gig...

Sheesh I can't believe people say things like that!

To my most favorite fool in the world

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Kids say...math

Tonight Cassie and I were playing Rummy, we don't usually keep score because she is still getting the hang of it. We have played on and off for a few months, she does really good.

She wanted to keep score tonight, so she was writing down the numbers and I showed her how to line up the columns. She has added like this before but she forgot because it's been awhile. Anyway, I asked her what the amounts were and showed her where to write them.

She has been playing with a couple girls that live down the road this week. She said that sometimes they play math games, I asked her what she meant.

She said you know like 1+1+=2 and 3+3=6. Then she goes, mom they don't even know what 100+100 is, because they go to school, they don't learn anything at school.

I just giggled and said well...just make sure you don't tell them that.

Let it roll

So...

I talked to my dad tonight, I haven't called since Christmas. Let's just say I only talk to him every 3 or 4 months because then I have to detox from the comments he makes.

A few were about Bush, flu shots, school, just stuff.

We are opposite politically, we don't talk about religion, medicine or school, he is a teacher and I am an UNSCHOOLER.

I told him that Jared was reading and instead of saying something encouraging he got on me about Cassie not reading.

She is 8, she can read a little here and there but not sentences and she doesn't try very hard.

He said if she was in public school since Kindergarton that she would HAVE to be reading by now or they would be looking for a problem as to why she wasn't.

I said is there some law that all kids have to read at 5? He said *no*
I said one of the reasons I homeschool is so that my kids can learn things when they are ready.

She is FINE!

I really can't talk to him about much of anything, it is so frustrating but his derogatory comments are uncalled for. This always happens, he said I need to farm them out because they are with me all day. I already blogged about that the last time he said it...

http://learningthroughliving-stephanie.blogspot.com/2007/12/something-my-dad-said.html

Ya know my mom used to always ask me about testing and all sorts of stuff, I tried to explain unschooling to her, I can't even go there with my dad. Maybe when the kids are older and he is retired...maybe...

I finally told my mom 2 years ago that I know what I am doing and that we aren't discussing it anymore. She hasn't brought it up since.

YES!!!! I REALLY DO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!!!!!!!

That's better :)

After I got off the phone and ranted a bit I had to clean something, I'm ok now :)

Off to the tub soon...

small addition

"Unschooling and parenting this way are completely natural for me."

Natural but not easy.

Unschooling is simple.

Parenting is hard work.

I have to work at my attitude and how I see things and keep going and doing better the next moment when I mess up.

I didn't want to sound all high and mighty like I was a perfect parent or something.

I'm far from perfect but I am working on doing better each moment.

Limits

Just a little clarification :)

I do not impose artificial limits on my kids.

There are natural limits, due to sharing, taking turns, what resources we have available at the time.

This is where talking about respect all of their lives comes in to play. We learn how to share the computer or not to eat the last piece of something without announcing it. It's give and take, I try to make win- win situations when the kids are not getting along.

It's just part of the process of living and learning together.

When a child has say only an hour to use the computer, what if he is in the middle of something? Does a parent say I don't care your time is up? Or do they say, ok how much longer do you need to finish?


I really am not trying to make things so black and white, but when I see what some parents say I do draw these conclusions.

I realize there is lots of middle ground between authoritarian parenting and what I do, I don't even know what to call it :)

There are lots of buzz words: peaceful, mindful, respectful, partnership.
I always called what I did *common sense parenting* but then I realized that so many people don't have common sense.

Right from the start, I carried my baby, I talked to them, shared with them, fed them when they were hungry and they slept when they were tired.

Instead of filling their world with no's and cant's and dont's, I told them what they could do, created an enviornment where they could crawl around and be free to explore.

Unschooling and parenting this way are completely natural for me.

Phrases from my past

Because I said so.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Kids should be seen and not heard.

How many times do I have to tell you.

Go to your room.

You're grounded.

Get out of my sight.

You ungrateful brat.

As soon as you're 18, you're out of here.

You'll eat it and like it.

NO!

All you are, are a bunch of mouths to feed.

I won't say who said these things, there are so many more I just can't remember at the moment.

Obviously I have more healing to do but my past is a great reminder of why I do what I do.

No chores?

Since this has been a hot topic lately I thought I would just give my straight answer right here.

Families live together, learn together and work together.

I will freely admit to doing all the cleaning as my kids were young. They of course as toddlers would want to help. As they grew I would keep them with me and talk to them. I have never forced my children to do any chores.

As they are getting a little older they are helping out more. I ask for help and they usually help. This wasn't always the case, sometimes I would get a grumble, so we talk about why. If they are in the middle of something and I ask one to feed the dog or something, they tell me they will do it when they are done. It's nobody's job to feed the dogs, most days it gets down without asking.

My kids know how to sweep, mop, vacuum, run the washer, do dishes, feed the animals, clean the toilet etc. They know how from watching and from doing.

When the house gets messy I just ask for everyone to pitch in and we can get it down fast. Most days I just go around picking things up or moving them to the right room as I walk through the house.

My kids make lots of messes and they are usually willing to help out.

Some more than others, a lot is personality.

We talk about cleaning and how we all live here and it is nice if we can all keep it liveable.

I still do the majority of cleaning and ask for help as I see fit.

I want my kids to help from their heart not from force.

The beauty really shines when they just go and do something without being asked but because they wanted to.

A recent example is last week Kieran weeded the flower bed in front of the house, he did it as a surprise for his dad.

Awhile ago I woke up and both boys were doing the dishes.

Kieran likes to clean the bathroom, although he hasn't done it lately. Sometimes he sweeps and mops the floors. Cassie likes to wash windows and dust.

This is not an everyday occurance, it is intermittent but it is important because it isn't forced.

Cassie asked me to help her clean her room last night and she really did a lot. Usually I clean it because it gets overwhelming for her.

As they grow and mature it really gets easier.

My attitude is also that if I am the one who wants to clean then I'll just clean.

Life is too short to get worked up about these kind of things.

Childhood is really short and I do not want my kids to spend it doing chores.

Blurring the lines?

I've been reading yahoo groups lately and it's really the same thing over and over. I mean the topics seem to go in cycles, the latest seems to be cleaning and it's on many groups at the same time.

What is unschooling?
Is it just academic?
Can you unschool and force chore charts and bedtimes and control food and teeth brushing and limit tv, video games and computer?
Does unschooling have to extend into how we parent?
Do we have to be mindful and respectful?
Can't we just control what our kids do and still unschool?
Can't we just live by rules?
Does it have to be principles?
Do we have to model and discuss and trust?

Are there really academic only unschoolers vs. whole life learners? Why do we divide? Do unschoolers really have to parent differently in order to embrace the philosophy?



What do you think?

I'm really hoping for some comments on this post.



I will tell you what I think :)

The short answer is that I suppose you can only unschool academically while you control and limit everything else. BUT you will not experience the full benefits of unschooling with authoritarian parenting. Our relationships with our kids should be our priority, for me academics comes after, learning is just a by product of living.

It really seems like there are two camps, the academic unschoolers and the whole life unschoolers. It is kind of odd though because if you really get unschooling there isn't any academic quota to meet.

To quote my good friend Tina :

"Life is learning. Learning is what happens when you live."

In my very biased not so humble opinion I believe that you are selling your kids and yourself short if you don't fully embrace the philosophy.

It's hard to explain how I parent because when I say things like we don't have rules, chores, bedtimes, punishments, privileges or limits on electronics then people who do not get it think we are living in massive chaos where the kids rule and the parents drool.

What we do is talk about respect and safety and how to do things and what is good, bad, or indifferent. We take every situation as an opportunity to learn how to communicate and get along with each other. This is a normal part of our daily life, lots of dialogue going on, lots of questions asked and answered.

I firmly believe that unschoolers parent completely different then the mainstream, traditional, rule oriented, do as I say parents.

We should be partnering with our kids and helping them navigate their world, not limiting and controlling and ruling it.

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Money :: Pit (Just watched The Money Pit)


2. Unhappy :: sad


3. Joking :: Kieran (always goofing)


4. Chipmunk :: cheeks


5. Date :: April 3


6. Slideshow :: life in pictures


7. Chicago :: White Sox


8. Lifetime :: Learning


9. Skid row :: 18 and life (that's a song)


10. Edward :: I got nothing for Edward

Luna Nina

Fun in the mud

Jared says, "Hey mom playing in the mud is fun, did you play in the mud when you were a kid?"

I told him I did, but then he said, "But you don't anymore."

It's great to be a kid :)