Limits

Just a little clarification :)

I do not impose artificial limits on my kids.

There are natural limits, due to sharing, taking turns, what resources we have available at the time.

This is where talking about respect all of their lives comes in to play. We learn how to share the computer or not to eat the last piece of something without announcing it. It's give and take, I try to make win- win situations when the kids are not getting along.

It's just part of the process of living and learning together.

When a child has say only an hour to use the computer, what if he is in the middle of something? Does a parent say I don't care your time is up? Or do they say, ok how much longer do you need to finish?


I really am not trying to make things so black and white, but when I see what some parents say I do draw these conclusions.

I realize there is lots of middle ground between authoritarian parenting and what I do, I don't even know what to call it :)

There are lots of buzz words: peaceful, mindful, respectful, partnership.
I always called what I did *common sense parenting* but then I realized that so many people don't have common sense.

Right from the start, I carried my baby, I talked to them, shared with them, fed them when they were hungry and they slept when they were tired.

Instead of filling their world with no's and cant's and dont's, I told them what they could do, created an enviornment where they could crawl around and be free to explore.

Unschooling and parenting this way are completely natural for me.

No More Sweets

Today my friend brought over some doughnuts, she asked me first. I said it was ok, I can unclench my sphincter on occasion :)

On top of that Jared really wanted cupcakes, now he doesn't actually eat the cupcake just the frosting. So I made chocolate cupcakes some with vanilla frosting and some with chocolate.

Brenny and Cassie kept coming in for another plus eating the frosting out of the bowl. I honestly do not know how many they ate. Brenny asked me if he could have another and I said sure.

In the past I have usually said something that would deter them from eating too many but tonight I said nothing.

A little while ago I was in the kitchen and I heard Brennan say *That's it, no more sweets for me tonight* and Cassie chimed in and said *No more sweets for the rest of my life*

A little later Cass was on the couch crying that her tummy hurt, I tried to be sympathetic and offered her mint tea, I did not say anything demeaning at all, she knew why her stomach hurt.

Why am I posting about this? Well this was a major deal for me, I kept my mouth shut, I didn't limit and I didn't say well duh of course you have a stomachache. This was a major turning point for all of us.

Cassie is fine now and eating again.

tv, video games, limitations, rules...

I asked a fellow blogger where to begin since I'm new at this and she said start where you are now. So today on a yahoo group I belong to there were discussions of limiting tv and video games. I always have a hard time with these posts because these things have never been limited in our house and are not an issue. Sure my kids watch tv and play video games whenever they want, they also do lots of other things that interest them. I firmly believe that if these things were limited or used as a reward or punishment then there would be some sort of power given to them. As it is they hold no power and they are just another tool or resource, they are also a form of entertainment and learning.

What really got me was how the parent talked about how the kids have to explicity behave and clean up before they can play or watch. If they act up they can't play and get grounded from it, HUH!!!!!

I always wonder how these kids feel when their parents put such limits on them. I wonder if the husband told the wife that since she didn't do the dishes when he wanted that she had to go to bed early I don't know, it's all stupid to me. Where is the respect in these homes, where is the joy of learning, where is the compatibility, where is the real living?

More to come on this subject but right now my kids are calling...