Balance

–noun

1.

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

2.

something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.

3.

mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

These are the first 3 entries at dictionary.com

I am not a balanced person literally, figuratively or physically, mentally etc...

I think that society shoves this at us, we must be a jack of all trades and master of none. We must have exposure to everything. School promoters want us to be well rounded, have a well rounded education.

–adjective

1.

having desirably varied abilities or attainments.

2.

desirably varied: a well-rounded curriculum.

3.

fully developed; well-balanced.

Well balanced , LMAO! 

So yes I do need my hormones to get in balance, but what if I can't? I've tried lots of things and what I'm on now does help. I still have certain days where I am all over the place. I've been quite freaky today. I chart my *symptoms* by day of cycle, there is a pattern. I don't always write things down, my husband knows me well and when I start having certain symptoms he says *Yep it's that time* he doesn't know what day I'm on but he knows.... 

In my regular non hormonal life(if there is such a thing) I am extreme, I love you or I hate you, I'm pissed off or I'm fine, I eat too much or not enough, I drink too much or not at all, I swear  too much or make up really fucked up words trying not to swear. My kids get a giggle out of that. I drop things, I break dishes, I am not graceful. I like my music loud, I like to drink, I like to swear. It is the real me.

Moderation is not my thing!

–noun
 

1.

the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance.

NOT ME!

So love me  or hate me I really don't care but I gotta be me! I do not like to be restrained or controlled so back the fuck off!

I'm getting myself back, I got lost somewhere along the way. 

That is why I say you unschool or you don't. People think there is a gray bar, really I know there is a progressive line but you either do or don't, it's so simple in my mind...

Unschooling is the way, it is the key to getting back a society of free thinking people. Our children are the next generation so lets not fuck them up!

Any questions??????????

 

 

Physical growth

My kids are growing up on me!

Kieran (15) 5'7
Brennan (12) 5'7 1/2
Cassandra (11) 5'1 1/4
Jared (8) 4'5 1/4

More Rockin

I forgot to mention My Darkest Days

We saw them with Evans Blue.

They put on a hell of a show!
Excellent band!

Rockin

Jason and I have gone to 3 concerts the last few months. It's awesome to hear live music, just awesome!

Our kids are finally old enough that we can leave for a few hours and not have to worry.

It's bittersweet.

We have only gone out a few times in the last 15 years, we just didn't leave the kids and didn't really have anyone to leave them with.

We have seen Evans Blue and  Framing Hanley and we have seen several local bands and one that opened for Framing Hanley I absolutely love. We have seen them twice now, they are Adalene 
I'm listening to their CD right now, we bought it at the last concert.

I love rock music, rock on!

Random about me

I used to blog a lot about unschooling, public school, parenting, politics etc... I kind of went in a hole the past two years.

I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues coming up from childhood and hormone, anxiety and blood pressure issues to name a few. We also dealt with unemployment and moved a year ago.

I want to get back into being out there and saying what's on my mind.

I've been to many doctors, I've had many tests, I kind of know a bit about what my body needs but it's hard to stay on supplements and good food, it costs a lot of money.

I'll be 40 later this year and I really want to have all of this shit figured out, I want to be healthy and feel good and have some sort of balance.

I was thinking though, I am an extreme person so maybe balance isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I'm quite fun and interesting with my hormonal swings... Except when I cry for no reason, that's not fun...

Yesterday I was feeling really off, I mean weird..er...than usual. My husband says it's your hormones, roll with it, some people take drugs to feel what you are feeling...

I'm a bit better today but I had a blood pressure spike at 8 am that woke me up... I'm erratic still, I'm on meds that I want to get off, so fixing what is causing this would help.

I'm way better than I was a year ago, I was having serious issues, I don't remember if I blogged about it here, it was probably on my private blog. Anyway if I look back I can see how much better I am.

I've also lost about 22 pounds the past few months, that makes me happier, I still would like to drop another 20,  if it happens, it happens.

Today

Well technically it's yesterday because it's after midnight. My day starts and ends when I sleep and wake and has little to do with the time or calendar...Oh the life I live :)

So I just had wine and a hot bath, I'm temporarily warm, it's 13 degrees out, nuff said.

School has been cancelled this week, I know that in states where it's usually cold and snowy they don't get out of school but here in middle TN they do.

My daughter went to her friend's house today and when I talked with the mom she said she hopes they go back to school tomorrow.

She said *I don't know how you do it* They eat all day etc... How do I do IT? I know them and I guarantee they are driving her crazy and she only has 2 kids.

She isn't the first person to say that to me in the last 15 years. I choose to do it, that is HOW I do IT!

So I've been away from this for awhile now because my kids needed me... Makes it hard to remember what the hell I was saying...

I choose to be with my kids, it's that simple. I want to be with my kids, I want to be here, they want to be here. School was never an option and still isn't, school doesn't exist in our lives.

I can't imagine being the parent who can't wait for school to start, it's sad and wrong and sad...

I had more but it will wait until next time.

Freezing!

I may not blog about anything profound again until I can defrost! I am so cold!

I just went to the store and the wind chill just went right through me.

I was not made for this weather.

I thought I moved South but shit that is out the window.

I know I can't control the weather and it sucks that the weather affects me.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, most days I don't have to go anywhere, so I got that going for me.

I freeze in the house too, I just can't stand to be frozen.

My feet are numb.

Coffee just warmed me up, mostly, it hasn't reached my feet yet...

Not really bitching just stating my dislike for freezing my ass off!

I don't like it when it's 100 out either!

But this is absurd and not normal temps.

Sleep freedom

I've written about sleep and arbitrary bedtimes before.

This is just a little more insight into watching my children truly sleep when they are tired.

When they go to  bed varies usually between 1am and 5am.

Lately Cassie has been all turned around. She was staying up all night and sleeping all day for a week or two. Now this past week, she has been sleeping around 5-6pm until 3-5am. So she has been up in the day and asleep at night. Actually last week it was something like sleep 2-6am, get up and then go back to sleep around noon, just really odd...

Tonight she went to bed at 5 and is sleeping now. She'll wake up sometime early in the morning.

She is on a growth spurt. The last time she switched her sleep around, she ate, slept and grew. I wrote about it in the post Late Night Life, no linky at the moment....

She is 11 and is preparing for womanhood, she has grown a couple inches already. They literally grow in their sleep.

I am just so glad that she can do this. When I was a kid I suffered migraines and exhaustion among other things because I had to get up and go to school even though I just fell asleep.

She is truly listening to her body and sleeping when she needs to no matter what the clock says.

Freedom is beautiful!

I still don't sleep right. I'll leave you with  Holt:

"I can't help noting that no cultures in the world that I have ever heard of make such a fuss about children's bedtimes, and no cultures have so many adults who find it so hard either to go to sleep or wake up. Could these social facts be connected? I strongly suspect they are."
~John Holt~

Counter

What's on you bathroom counter?

It was hard to get it all in one shot. Lots of bowls of dyed water, all special colors.

See that pan and Karo syrup?

That is a tar pit and that little action figure was stuck in it.

All sorts of stuff goes on in the bathroom...

HodgePodge

So It's like a freakin blizzard here in TN!

Cold, 15 degrees, 3 inches of snow, wind blowin,freezin my ass off!

I am not an eskimo, I didn't move here to freeze!

Prisons are closed tomorrow, that's good for the kids. My son's friend stayed the night last night and he wanted it to  snow so bad so school would be closed. Well he got his wish!

On a good note, I don't have to go out in it and my kids don't have to wish for it so they don't have to go to school.

My kids went out and played in it, 15 damn degrees because  they wanted to.

My kids have never been to school so don't long to have a day off.

They are free everyday!

That my friends is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

Spanking IS abuse!

So there has been child abuse awareness going on around facebook lately.

My friend posted a quote that I have seen and posted before and it sparked some comments :

‎"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline." ~Haim G. Ginott



In reality when an adult hits a child it is assault, it is abuse!
 
People justify hitting children in many ways but it is completely UNACCEPTABLE!
 
Do you realize the damage you are doing to that child?
 
Do not tell me it is fine to swat a toddler in a diaper. There is no justifiable reason to spank a toddler.
 
I love this one:
If a child hits another child, the parent teaches them that hitting is wrong by spanking them!
 
I would love to slap these parents and see how they like it!
 
Hitting, spanking, whipping, whopping, swatting, call it what you want, it IS abuse!
 
So yes I am calling all of those loving parents who spank their kids abusers.
Deal with it!
Step up, get help, seek alternatives.
Kids do not deserve to be hit by people who claim to love them.
 
Get real, be real, be honest, control yourself, stop the cycle!

Do not tell me you spank aka discipline your child out of love, you are delusional!

If you were spanked, you are damaged, it is not right, it is not good, it is not healthy.
Think about it, really reflect on your experience being humiliated and beaten...Do you want to do that to your children? Do you want them to beat your grandchildren?

Yes I use the word beat interchangeably, think about it!

 
God is not telling you to beat your kids, trust me!
 
Do not hit your kids, STOP hitting your kids!
 
Please, their mental, physical and emotional development depends on it.
 
Check out these links:
 
No spank
Non violent communication 
Parenting in Jesus footsteps
The natural child project

Just please do NOT hit your kids anymore!

Real life example

Kieran came to me the other day and told me he needs to earn some money because he has decided that he wants to buy a new computer.

In the past few months he has gone to some jobs with his dad to help and he gets paid of course. He is developing a good work ethic, he is mature enough to stick with a job and he does it well.

Jason has several clawfoot tubs he is working on and Kieran is helping him do prep work, mostly sanding, bondo, cleaning.

We also have two tubs that Jason just bought in order to refinish and sell. They have buyers now and need to be finished.

Kieran has been researching online at several websites, building the computer he wants. He is doing so much groundwork in order to find the right specs so it plays World of Warcraft and other games efficiently, but mostly WoW.

The internet is the greatest tool we have at our fingertips, so much info, so much to learn. You just keep looking until you find what you want.

Not really

So I'm not really calling off dinner, just annoyed about the gluten issue and am not prepared to make anything gluten free.

We'll  be making turkey breast, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, squash, corn, stuffing, apple and pumpkin pie, that will make my family happy.

As for what I'll eat, not sure yet.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Last year was one of the most difficult in my life. Jason was unemployed last Thanksgiving so I'll just deal with the gluten issue.

This year is so much better.

We have a warm house, food, internet,work and healthy  unschooling kids :)

It's all good :)

Calling it off

I'm calling off Thanksgiving dinner  due to gluten!

I tell you I've been having a pity party.

My favorite part of dinner is stuffing, biscuits, gravy and apple pie!

Sure these items can be made gluten free but do they taste good?

I am not going to experiment trying to make these items in two days when I haven't even figured out how to do it regularly.

I pretty much just avoid gluten, I have it once in awhile by choice.  Sure I could eat regular stuff and possibly suffer .

UGH!

So WAHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm not sure what we are having for T day dinner anyway, it's just us.

Just venting...

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Emotional :: I never used to be emotional but the hormones get to me now.
2. Bite ::  Bite Me! My favorite phrase!
3. Get off my :: back!
4. Heroic :: extraordinary
5. Clothing :: optional
6. Home :: is where I am
7. Spelling :: Spelling is one of my strong suits
8. Attitude :: I've got plenty of attitude!
9. Argument :: I like to win an argument!
10. Satan :: Satan can Kiss My Ass!

Luna Nina

Imaginary friend

Jared has an imaginary friend named Bobert, he is always talking about things Bobert does.

Today he said that God doesn't want Bobert and either does the devil so he will live forever. I just thought it was cute.

Here is part of a cartoon he drew, there are several pics but I'm just posting these two.

Ever changing world

I'm going to attempt to make this coherent. I've had thoughts in my head, read articles and have exchanged with others via email.

Education isn't about schooling at all, one is educated by learning what they need in this world. We all have different needs, we all have different abilities that is why there are so many choices as to what one can do in life.

A one size fits all school system that isn't changing is not preparing kids for the future. Can one really be prepared? How can one know what they will need to know in the future? The world is ever changing, I have heard that from more than one source lately.

Since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it is senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn out people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able to learn whatever needs to be learned. ~ John Holt

One source was in favor of school saying my kids need to be in school to be prepared for the changes in the world. Well obviously that is nonsense.

School is an outdated institution, it is not growing or changing or adapting to the ever changing world. They teach the same thing over and over every year. Some things will never change, 2 + 2 will always be 4, I think...

Technology is constantly improving, look at what a cell phone can do these days.

I believe knowing how to think, how to find answers, how to adapt, how to communicate, those are abilities that will help you in the world.

A college degree isn't what it used to be and is only useful in certain areas, medical and engineering come to mind, I know there are others. Overall most jobs can be obtained without a college degree.

I believe that being an entreprenuer and having a marketable skill are wonderful ways to earn a living.

I hope for my kids to find something they love and can earn a living doing it. I don't encourage a college degree, I'm not discouraging it but why start out your adult life thousands of dollars in debt?

College can be done at any time it does not have to be done at 18, so many kids are forced into it because of the ingrained mindset of society. Go to school, get a good education and get a good job.

Really? Is that all there is to life? Join the rat race, be miserable, stay in school it prepares you for the misery that is to come.

Get out of school. Quit school and get a real education!

Information is at our fingertips, this is a wonderful time to be living in this ever changing world!

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Freezing ::  It is freezing out right now.
2. Bikers :: Harley
3. Infrequently :: not very often
4. Mickey :: Mouse
5. School:: Prison
6. Textile :: mill
7. Obstinate :: Stubborn...Oh I'm obstinate :)
8. Guard :: prison
9. Release :: Catch and Release..awesome movie
10. Authentic :: real, totally real, I love authenticity

Luna Nina

Childhood

Childhood is not a preparation for life...childhood is life.

When I think back on my childhood, I didn't really have much of one, I really wasn't a kid very long and I surly didn't enjoy being a kid. I couldn't wait to turn 18 to get out of my parents rule.

My circumstances were different than many and maybe similar to some. After my parents divorce I took care of my brother and sister and the household duties while my mom worked two jobs. I was 12.

This wasn't going to be about that so I won't go into any details at this point.

What I really want for my kids is for them to ENJOY being kids. I want them to live and learn everyday without the stress of adulthood looming.

So many kids are pressured each day to perform, to get good grades, listen, obey, respect authority etc...

To prepare for their future job and mortgage.

Kids today aren't able to just BE.

My kids have never been to school and have always had the freedom at home to follow their interests and to learn in their own way and in their own time.

They are growing up right before my eyes.

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Everything ::  and anything
2. China :: Made in China
3. Essence :: pure
4. Immediate :: NOW
5. Obstruct :: in my way
6. Force :: Do not force me to do anything!
7. Constellation :: Big Dipper
8. Intuitive :: mindful
9. Complain :: I try not to complain much
10. Train :: of thought, I lose mine all to often

Luna Nina